If he gets mean enough about it, she will strike back and the spiral of conflict will escalate. I was a student at a college where the support personnel went on strike. They weren't asking for a raise -- just for benefits. The administration fought them bitterly and refused to give them anything. After several weeks on strike, the employees were forced to return to work because they ran out of money. The employers had "won." They had broken the strikers. But afterwards, there were bad feelings. The support personnel were in a position to sabotage the administrators, and they did. Important correspondence got "lost." Phone messages didn't get delivered. Work was late, and deadlines were not met. During the de-escalatory phase of the spiral, many of the support staff began looking for new jobs. They stopped speaking to their bosses and complained all the time. Hocker & Wilmot (2007) point out that although you would think nobody would want this kind of a conflict, some people get rewards from it; for example, a sense of I'm right and he's wrong. I'm a good person. He is a terrible person. After awhile, the parties can get locked into their negative behavior.

Obviously, if you value a relationship, you want to make it stronger and not destroy it. All relationships do experience conflict so getting through it successfully is crucial to maintaining the relationship. it's how conflict is managed that makes the difference between a conflict that makes a relationship stronger and one that doesn't. A productive conflict moves the conflict in a positive direction toward resolution. When the conflict is over, both parties feel satisfied with the result and want to cooperate with each other. The feel energized and empowered afterward. Each person emerges with a clearer image of him or herself and the other party. The parties feel valued...

Productive conflicts take place within good relationships; likewise, they make relationships better and stronger (Hocker & Wilmot, 2007).
The goal of constructive conflict is to produce a transformation of the underlying conflict dimensions. Instead of a win-lose mentality, the parties collaborate to work things out so that both can be happy. The underlying dimensions include how the struggle is expressed, how incompatible goals are perceived, how resources are seen, the degree of dependency between them, and whether they cooperate or oppose each other during the conflict. It is a dynamic process that happens in the context of the ongoing relationship. If the parties can produce a transformation, the outcome of the conflict will be positive. The husband will see that his wife is really an ally. He may appreciate her more for her business sense. The employee realizes that the college isn't such a bad place to work and wants to help the boss succeed. The boss feels lucky to have such a great secretary.

A conflict resolved in a constructive manner helps the relationship because active empathy is present. The parties listen to each other. They cooperate with each other in the sense that they mutually take care of their relationship even when they are angry at each other. All conflict gets expressed through communication, but in a constructive conflict, more satisfying exchanges take place, and each person remembers what he/she likes and values in the other. This is constructive communication, which leads to constructive conflict management. The parties heal their differences and cooperate.