Counseling What Is Your Attitude

Counseling What is your attitude about Doris wanting to leave her husband and her child? How would your own values influence the way you would work with her? I have a lot of compassion for Doris, because I understand that motherhood is a huge step. She has been undergoing tremendous changes in her life, from having a baby to moving to a new city. Her feelings are valid, and she is not alone.

Many women have felt trapped by their role as wife and mother, and it is important to give voice to those feelings and explore them in depth. Moreover, her case shows that her feelings are triggered by her husband's role in her life. His unwillingness to pull his weight and his pressure on Doris to work harder when he does not work at all must be frustrating for the client. Therefore, my attitude toward Doris is positive and compassionate. I believe I would be an ideal counselor for Doris.

Assume that Doris asked you for your advice regarding her plan to leave her husband and child. What would you say? To what degree do you think Doris can function without advice? Giving advice is a tricky proposition, which is why I would try to use more of the core tools of person-centered therapy to help Doris reach inside herself for the answers to her problems. However, Doris may need a mentor and guide.

If she did ask me directly and genuinely wanted an answer, I would not give her a clear-cut answer. Doris does not need to hear, "You should" do anything. Instead of telling her what I think Doris should do, I would ask her to explore the consequences of her actions in depth and with complete honesty. Doris should only do what makes her genuinely happy.

If she truly believed that abandoning her current life would lead to greater happiness for all parties concerned, then that is a choice Doris has to be willing to make. The only advice I might give her in a more direct way is to be patient. Acting with haste might be the worst thing Doris can do, because she might burn bridges that cannot be repaired easily in the future.

For example, if she were to abandon her family, the law might step in and prevent her significant access and rights to her child. What we want to avoid is for Doris to mistakenly believe that a sudden and radical change such as leaving her family would lead to instant happiness. Doris needs to accept the totality of life: its pains and its sorrows as well as its hopes and joys. I would want Doris to explore her hopes and dreams.

I would ask her to share with me her vision for the future, and get her to explore her creative passions. What makes Doris tick? Doris probably needs a source of personal fulfillment that is beyond the boundaries of her domestic life. 3. If you accepted Doris as a client, in what ways do you think you could be of most help to her? I could be of most help to Doris as an unbiased, empathetic listener who places Doris's concerns within a broad framework.

Drawing on my understanding of women's issues, I could help Doris to understand that what she is feeling is normal. In fact, I believe that what she is feeling is valid and correct. Her upbringing in a traditional, religiously fundamentalist household might be influencing Doris's self-image. Her decision to leave home and marry young can be viewed as an extension of the identity she has as a woman.

If Doris can move beyond her family's gender norms and see that her life can be more than her family, she might be able to achieve happiness without making any drastic moves. I view my role as a therapist as one who can help Doris see what she might have never seen before: that women are not defined by their roles as wives and mothers. 4.

Are there feelings about herself and her husband that Doris is currently unwilling to accept? How would a person-centered approach help with acceptance of feelings and with denied parts of the self? Yes, I do believe that Doris is having a hard time accepting her feelings. She is probably keen on abandoning her family as a form of escapism. Instead of directly confronting the core issues, she would prefer to jump ship and swim to a new shore.

The trouble is that once Doris reaches any new shore, her same beliefs and value systems remain a part of who she is. I would aim to change her self-concept, beliefs, and value systems in a way that helped my client. If Doris has been taught that a woman's role is in the home, and that marriages succeed via submission to the husband, then we have a lot of work to do.

Doris does not believe these things and yet she feels trapped by the ideology handed down to her by her parents. This internal conflict raging within Doris is the root cause of many of her problems. A person-centered approach to therapy will help Doris explore all parts of herself. She can learn to embrace and forgive her parents, and also to do the same for herself. One goal of therapy will be to empower Doris. A person-centered approach is inherently empowering.

The client gains a considerable amount of self-confidence with the knowledge that they discovered the answers within, rather than depending on an external source for direct advice. Women like Doris are taught that motherhood is the most fulfilling aspect of their lives. When both marriage and motherhood fail to live up to such lofty expectations, women like Doris suffer.

If Doris can discover what makes her tick beyond her family, or what her creative aspirations and dreams are, then she might be able to reconcile the two aspects of herself: her past and her future. Doris might be able to see that she can simultaneously embrace motherhood while also detaching from the confining roles that entails. If it turns out her husband is not supportive of Doris's personal liberation, then we might have to consider other options.

Yet only Doris can achieve these mental steps towards personal liberation and change. 5. What are some of the advantages of working with Doris within a person-centered framework? The person-centered framework is empowering, and offers the confidence-building exercise that the client needs. Moreover, the person-centered framework will reduce any possibility that Doris will view the therapy as paternalistic. Doris has obviously thought through her decision to the point.