Effects of divorce on children's development and wellbeing

Divorce and Children

In the 21st century the society has undergone a change, for better or worse we cannot really say. Before the mid-60's divorce was rare. Family was integral to the life of individuals and above that children were the main force of society. Miserable couples remained together for the sake of children and held their marriage vows as sacred. For them liberation and freedom came second to the happiness and stability of their children. Then came the new era where, divorce was seen as liberation. As time passed divorce laws became easier and so divorce became common. Individuality became the focus in the marriage and the children were considered a secondary issue in the marriage. It became a common belief that if the parents are forever warring, the children would be adversely affected so it is better to be separated. Yet, this belief is erroneous. The fact is if parent are constantly fighting the children maybe negatively effected but not as badly as they are when parents divorce.

The fact is when parents divorce most children have a hard time overcoming the separation. They may take years to recover from the psychological problems and even then ruminants of the separation remain with their character and choices in later life. According to studies conducted, "10 and 15-year longitudinal studies show that divorce is not to be considered as an acute stress/crisis in the lives of children but rather, it is an event that can have long-term consequences on psychosocial functional of children, adolescents, and young adults."[Wallerstein, 1989]

"Wallerstein's 'sleeper effect' is a piquant example of the far-reaching effects of one such long-term consequence. Up to 66% of the women between 19-23 that were interviewed during 10 years post-divorce had a resurgence of anxiety, fear, guilt, and anger that they had suppressed for many years. These feelings tended to resurface when the adolescent and young adult women were attempting to make major life decisions (such as marriage)."[Wallerstein and Corbin, 2000]

Thesis:

In the majority of cases the effect of divorce on children is negative and has long-term effects. Only in cases of abuse is divorce considered to have a positive impact on a child when compared to parents living together amidst everyday strife.

Analysis:

Divorce today is more common than a marriage is what most people are fond of saying. More than half the couples that get married in a year will be divorced and more than half the children within any community are living in single parent families. Divorce has become a fad such that most people are so sure the marriage will not last that they sign pre-nuptial contracts safeguarding their wealth and assets. If 20 couples get married this year more than half will be divorced by their children's 18th birthday. [Fagan and Rector, 2005]

The fact is that a child never gets over divorce. Studies in the past had shown that the two parent family was the most stable in terms of child development. Children had a male and female role model and the excesses of one parent were tempered by the other. Of course, exceptions to the rule have always been present. Abuse in any form can have it toll on the child and even two parent families have been known to fail. Yet, in most circumstances children from two family structures are better developed in terms of their psychology than their counterparts from single divorced parent families. In fact children whose parents die are better adjusted than those from divorced parent families.

Divorce is a forceful breakdown of a family unit. A child living with two parents has a routine that he or she follows and his or her character is being built according to that routine. When that routine breaks the child begins to flounder and that floundering continues throughout his or her life.

When parents divorce the children become deprived of one or the other parent. They begin to show health and behavioral problems and are more frequently involved in crime and drug abuse. They have less control on their emotions and show an increased frequency of wrong decisions throughout life. In the short-term they fall back in their studies and are more prone to dropping out than their counterparts. They have lower self-esteem and become more of risk takers having a lower value of life.

If their parents divorce when they are young e.g. At the age of 5 or younger the short-term effects may seem to be rectified faster then say if they divorced at the child's age of 16. However, the long-term effects seem common regardless of the age.

Children of divorced parents have lower self-esteem and are prone to trust less. They lose their virginity earlier, have higher divorce rates and make wrong choices in partners when they do get married as they have unrealistic concepts of role models where the opposite sex is concerned. Girls may end up with abusive husbands as they conceive themselves as unlovable and boys will end up cheating on their wives. Divorce then creates an intergenerational societal attitude.

Most couple that divorce do so over minor issues rather than major problems that are hard to overcome. Again there are exceptions in case of abuse, adultery and desertion. As per studies,

"Money is the one thing that people say they argue about most in marriage, followed by children." (Stanley & Markman, 1997).

However, most of these problems can be overcome if the couples try, but the threshold of patience and compromise have been lowered and the notion that children are better off in an environment where there is no strife than living with two squabbling parents is a convenient excuse to opt out. Divorce laws have become straight forwards and if we search online we can even get a 'Do It Yourself'

form that precludes the involvement of lawyers. Divorce has become so common in society that it's hard to suggest that children from divorced families are being affected. [Maccoby & Mnookin 1992] When the majority of families are single parent the exception becomes the rule.

Conclusion

Then what can be done for the children of a divorce. Parents when divorcing should keep the child uppermost in their mind. A bitter divorce and strained relationships with the exes will have a negative impact on the child. Regardless, of the introduction of a step parent in their lives the fact is the birth parent has the most influence and if the relations of the parents are strained the child will grow up with a warped sense of relations which can cause a problem later in life.