family scoiological theories

Family and Marriage

Finding the Ideal Mate

What spurs our attraction for others? How do we choose who we love and who we will marry? Such questions have founded many theoretical conceits within the realm of classic and modern sociology. Theories citing the role of marital exchange help explain our well-defined gender roles, many of which revolve around the subservient position of the females within particular patriarchal societies. In more modern times, particular subcultures have created specific limitations which define the proper field of choosing a compatible mate. Along with this, modern sociology posits the concept of a "filter" theory, where individuals strain potential mates through various filters of acceptance. Finally, this paper explores the practical type of lover -- the pragma lover.

There are various types of marriage exchanges which function within different societies. According to the Encyclopedia Britannica, the concept of marriage exchange is defined as a "system of mate recruitment in which specific families, groups of families, tribes, or segments of a tribe are designated as those groups from which one must choose a spouse," (Encyclopedia Britannica 1). In most cases, the desirous qualities which determine if one is allocated in the group of potential spouses then become the defining gender roles of that society or subculture within any particular region or nation. In a large portion of society, it is the marriage exchange which reinforces the role of women as subservient to men. One of the most widely accepted and admired constructions of marital exchanges was developed by Claude Levi-Strauss which states that "in many societies the form of marital exchange is what Levi-Strauss has called restricted marriage, more commonly known as bilateral cross-cousin marriage," (Sanderson 257). Within this construction, different groups exchange women each and every generation between each other to help open up relations between the two groups. These transactions are primarily conducted by the men of the groups, reinforcing the gender role of women as near property and diplomatic tools, with little individual empowerment to make their own decisions. At the same time, while stripping women of the power over choosing a mate, this practice allocates most decision making to the males and thus reinforcing their role as the provider and head of the familial unit.

Based on the assigned gender roles described above, there are several various criteria which limit the field of eligible for prospective mates. In Levi-Strauss' conception, one must look within the context of specific groups and not outside that group to find a prospective spouse. Exchange of spouses is done within specific clans or familial units in order to preserve diplomatic relations and to further connect the ties between the two groups, (Sanderson 257). A prospect for marriage then cannot look outside the context of that specific group or family to find a spouse. If the norm is not necessarily one particular family, but more of a particular subculture as defined by race, religion, or economic status, this then changes the field in which one can look for a spouse. One may look outside to new families, but not stray from the particular subculture one is a part of. Looking outside ones subculture is then considered taboo and can result is alienation from one's initial familial group. This is common in the United States now based on racial divides, religious faiths, and class status. For example, if one comes from an upper class lineage, it would be looked down upon to marry a working class individual. Another modern example, stemming from much more ancient practices, marrying within one's particular religion or close religious affiliation. This limitation ensures the continuation of the various subcultures which then continue own their views of who is right to marry, and who one should stay away from when looking for potential mates.

Another theory which helps explain the limitations and filtering process of finding a potential mate is that of the Filter Theory. This popular theory posits the idea that "people go through several 'filters' that increasingly narrows the pool of potential mates to only one," (Petersen 8). These symbolic "filters" include that of propinquity, which refers the closeness to one's individual state through actual physical proximity, familial kinship, similarities of personality, and age. These aspects are the first filter set which one must go through to become eligible for another. The next filter is that of social background; if one approves of another's social background including class and upbringing, they can then pass to the third filter -- attractiveness. Looks tend to mean more than we would even like to admit in today's modern culture, and are therefore an important piece of choosing one's ideal mate. Compatibility then follows, regarding how well the two individual personalities get along. Using these filters, along with others if necessary, individual can choose their most ideal spouse while staying away from less compatible individuals.