Family Is, the Stages in the Development

¶ … family is, the stages in the development of a child into an adult, the benefits of early education for a child, and how he develop as a result of this program. Further the paper shall also deal with the eight stages of life as defined by famous psychologists, and how one pass through them; how can an adult feel empowered and in full control of himself; what has he learnt within an early education program, and how can this be coordinated with his family life as such.

'Family' is a social unit that lives together sometimes under one roof, sometimes under several different roofs, but all united by blood ties or familial ties. The primary social group of a family is a set of parents and their children. (Definition of family on the web) There are several issues that are related to the family as a unit, and primary among these is the fact that the needs of adults can also be considered to be an important stage in their development, and this quite apart from their children's developmental needs and wants. However, when taken at the level of children, that is, the beginning of the developmental stage in any person's life, there are four important stages. These are the 'cognitive' development stage, the 'social' development stage, the 'emotional' development stage, and the 'physical' development stage. (Ages, Stages and Growth)

Quite often these four stages are handled as being entirely separate issues, but they are all linked together because of the simple factor that what happens in one area often affects the other areas too, and most of the time, it is seen that a child's self-esteem and self-confidence and the very image of himself is based on the views and the opinions that are offered on a daily basis by the child's parents or teachers or this peers. A simple statement by a parent would make a child translate this statement into a reality and assume that it defines the child's view of himself. As the child continues to grow, he will define himself under the same terms, and evaluate his every performance under these terms. For example, when the parent has said that he is a clumsy person, then the child, when he reaches high school and joins a sport, he will continue to think of himself as a clumsy person, regardless of whether he is really clumsy or not. Therefore, he will fall often, get injured easily, and say, I am clumsy, and never try to get over it, because he defines himself as a clumsy person now, and cannot see beyond it. (Ages, Stages and Growth)

The Early childhood education of a child generally comprises those activities and experiences that a child often undergoes which bring about developmental changes in them, and helps them in their later years as a responsible adult in charge of looking after his own family. However, not all early education programs are equally effective in the promotion of learning and in fostering the development of young children; the overall success of a program depends on several different factors. Some of these are: the quality of the staff that is in charge of the program, the environment in which the program is set, the grouping practices that are followed within the program, the scheduling practices, and the involvement of the parents. All the decisions about the early childhood program of a child need to be made earlier on in the development and growth process of the child, because of the fact that these decisions may have important ramifications on the child in its later life as an adult. They will also affect the child in his behavior in society and in the classroom and in the community as a whole, and the family as a unit. (Critical issue: Organizing for effective early childhood programs and practices)

Erikson's 'Eight Stages of Human Development' define the stages through which a human being passes before the end of his life. Stages one to four deal with the infancy and early childhood stages, and stage five deals with the ages from 12 to 18, or the period of adolescence, as it is generally known. This is the time when the child has grown to the level of asking the question, 'Who am I?' role confusion is an essential part of this stage of human development, and it is at this time that the child starts to attempt to integrate all the earlier issues that he had gone through into one single healthy resolution. The adults who had been playing a major part in the child's life until that time and who were responsible for the basic nature of the child would be questioned at this time. The child would have to put together all the important questions in his life until that time like: do I have the basic trust in people, do I have a strong control over my emotions and feelings, am I independent, and am I competent and capable of handling the events in my life on my own, and so on. (Erikson's eight stages of human development)

When the child or the adolescent deals with all these emotional questions successfully, he can be stated to be ready for the all-important 'identity crisis' that every individual on earth must pass through in his life at this time. This is a conflict that a person will have to face in his life, and this is what makes a man out of a child, in essence. When the child, however, is not able to reap positive benefits out of the whole episode, then he will remain a person who is always seeped in confusion, who is unable to make his own decisions by himself in an independent manner, especially in matters that concern him at this stage of life, like for example, his course of study, his sexual orientation, and his role in the society in general. The stage 6 is the period from the age of 19 to the age of 40, according to Erik Erikson. In this period of life, what is most important is the love life and romantic relationships of the individual. No matter how successful the person may be in his chosen field or profession, unless and until he feels fulfillment in a romantic relationship he will not feel complete, and therefore the need for intimacy becomes one of paramount importance. (Erikson's eight stages of human development)

What must be remembered here is that a person who does not have a good sense of identity would almost always fear getting into a relationship with another person, and eventually, he will retreat into isolation because of this very fear. Therefore, a sense of identity and self-confidence are of utmost necessity in the formation of good inter-personal relationships, and close relationships are formed only because of this within the family. However, if the individual suffers from a lack of the sense of self, then he will almost undeniably retreat into an isolated world of his own, and will not be able to form any sort of long lasting relationships with any body, either within or outside of the family unit. They are the types of people who fear commitment and find that they cannot depend on anybody in the whole world. The stage number 7 in a human being's life ranges from the age of 40 up to the age of 65. This is the stage of life wherein a person looks outside the events and happenings in his own life towards others, whereby he may care for other people, either for his own children or for his own family members.

It is often at this stage that a person realizes the need and the importance of his own children and a family life, as maybe a need to continue the legacy that he had received from his own parents or for any other deep-seated reason. This is also the stage when the individual realizes the continuity of life, through his children, and he often feels that it is through taking care of them that he would be able to continue his own life. Therefore, this stage is one off nurturing and caring for others, and helping the next generation to cope with whatever types of problems they may be facing at that time of their lives, through delving into his own experiences when he was growing up. There are several persons who opt for not having children or caring for other people, and it is these people who most often become extremely self-centered adults, who cannot think of helping others. Such people also become totally isolated and alone in their lives, as they do not care for any body, and likewise, nobody cares for them. (Erikson's eight stages of human development)

The eighth and the last stage of the development of a human being is the stage that lasts form the ages 65 up to death. This is when a person is actually considered to be passing through old age, and this is when he is able to sit back and reflect upon his own life and what he has been able to achieve during his lifetime. He will generally reflect upon all the pleasures and the pains and the disappointments that he has faced in his life until then, and if he is in fact a self-satisfied and a self-fulfilled person, then he will be able to experience and feel a sense of unity within himself and also within others who were involved in his life, and therefore, he will be able to enter the next stage of his life, that is, the eventual death, without much fear. In fact, it is the opinion of Erik Erikson that just as a healthy child will never fear whatever life has to offer him, just so will the healthy and self-fulfilled adult not fear death when it is impending. If, however, the adult has not led a fulfilling and self-confident life, then the will definitely fear the fact of death, and lose sight of his remaining years of life on this earth. (Erikson's eight stages of human development)

What does it mean to grow old? Is it one of life's better experiences or one of life's worst? Today, people are living longer and longer, and the standard of life is also improving day by day. However, in sharp juxtaposition to this fact is the fact that one is always hearing the horror stories of old people being consigned to nursing homes for the remaining years of their lives, where the inmates often wish for a merciful death as against living there. At the same time one hears stories of an energetic 80-year-old managing to finish the marathon, and a successful CEO of a multinational company who is far ahead his peers in his chosen line of profession. Is longevity a curse or a blessing, and must life be prolonged for many years with the advances in medicine that have been made today, and is it really worth living for so many years? The answers lie with the individual, and the fact whether or not he considers that his life is worth living longer. (The study of Adult Development)

All adults need to feel empowered and in total and complete control of their lives so that they may be able to perform better within the family unit. When tackled in an intellectual manner, this issue becomes one of choice and the lack of them. When an individual has choices that he can make about his own life, and he is in fact able to make a good choice out of concern for his family, then he will definitely feel empowered and self-confident in whatever he does. However, in some cases, a 'must' and a 'should' do it have to be present, if only because of the fact that everyone has grown up in a shame based and emotionally dishonest culture that placed undue stress on the word, 'should' which in turn ended up sabotaging and disrupting the basic behavior pattern of an individual within a society. One perfect example describes this dilemma: it is but a part of human nature that we will not want to get up from our warm and cozy beds in the mornings, but the truth remains that unless we do indeed get up from our warm and cozy beds in the morning, and go out for work, we will not be able to enjoy the warm and cozy bed at the end of the day. (Intellectual Discernment, Choices, not shoulds)

Therefore, we all go out for work because this is the best way in which we can make sure of our own well-being. However, if we feel that we 'have to' get up and go for work, then we will definitely feel like a victim of circumstances, and prefer to ignore any feeling of fulfillment. The feeling of empowerment that we would feel if the choice were our own, and if we had to do it for some reason or the other makes all the difference in the world for us. The fact that we have made a good and informed choice for our own betterment will be relegated to the background, and this does not bode well for us. We will feel like we have no control over our own lives and end up feeling isolated and embittered. (Intellectual Discernment, Choices, not shoulds)

Therefore, when a choice is made by us for our own benefit without the feeling that we in fact 'had' to make that particular choice, then the feeling of empowerment and control over our lives and a sense of fulfillment will all be easy to achieve, and the adult will feel that he has made a good choice and is living a good life within his family. His family would also benefit because of this feeling; because the individual who is feeling them always reinforces positive feelings, and the feeling spreads to all the members of that individual's family when he feels good about himself. Every individual has a small child within us, and that small child feels hurt and rejected at every turn in life. This child makes us react in ways that are self-destructive, and we all also have certain archetypal energies that make us behave in the manner in which we do most of the time. One of these archetypes is the 'rebel', and it is a well-known factor that we all have a rebel within us, which reacts in strange ways when threatened, especially when the idea of 'should' comes into account. When 'should' is stated, then the rebel child within us will just state, I will not be rule by 'should', and I will do just the opposite, even if we are in fact well aware that this action may be harmful or detrimental to us. (Intellectual Discernment, Choices, not shoulds)

If an individual were to work at increasing and enlarging his emotional capacity and strengths throughout his life, there would be nothing better for him. Not only would the quality of his life improve dramatically, but he would also be a self-satisfied and self-fulfilled man, as he grew older in years. However, since it is also a truth that needs and desires change within one's lifetime at a constant rate, an adult would have to possess the capacity and the ability to move about freely within that circle of choices and changes, either official or familial or both, without having to face the necessity of having to stop doing something that he really wants to do just because he does not have full control over his emotions and feelings, which makes them intolerable to him. Therefore, being an adult also means that the individual would have to maintain a capacity for holding a full range of emotions and feelings within oneself, and still be able to function in a normal manner in whatever he does. (What to do between birth and death)

When the person is an infant, it is a well-known fact that the control over emotions and feelings would be something that he would not be able to achieve, and as the pain or the pleasure that he feels becomes intolerable, he then starts to move in all directions until he becomes completely exhausted, and the truth is that this fact never ever changes during one's lifetime. Even as an adult, emotions remain on call to action all through the lives of a human being, and while the individual was an infant, the temper was controlled by the mother or father attending to him and fulfilling his needs then and there. What the infant experiences is a buildup of tension, then the containment of it. The more repetitions there are of this scene, the better one learns to control one's emotions before they can burst out of all control. This is where the true adult shows his true caliber. He can not only experience a wide range of emotions but can also learn to manage them very well, and learn to live with changes as well as choices in all aspects of his life, and become a successful adult and a good and well adapted individual. (What to do between birth and death)