Fear of marriage: psychological perspectives and causes

Fear of marriage is a common feeling that is present in the minds of many people before they take the big step. Also known as gamophobia, this fear is prevalent in every culture and country and the individual has to overcome this feeling before getting married. Otherwise, there is a high possibility that it could end up in a divorce.

Charles is a 25-year-old man with a college degree and a marketing job at a reputed company in Chicago. He has been dating his high school sweet heart for the last eight years and is wondering if he should take the next step and propose to her. He feels his girl friend is ready to move on to the next big stage of life with him and she has dropped numerous hints about how she would like to marry him. As for Charles, he loves his girl friend, but is afraid to get married.

He has prolonged this decision for many months now, he decided to sit down and make a list of things that worries him the most about marriage. A he crossed off every single idea, he particularly kept coming back to one aspect -- his fear of change and compromise. He understood that marriage means a big change in his way of life. Though he has been living with his girl friend for a few years now, it is not the same level of commitment. He still has his life and she has hers and marriage can change the whole scenario. Sooner or later, they will have kids and this can completely alter his life and priorities and he was scared of this change. He wanted things to remain they way they are and this is the primary reason for his fear of marriage. This fear is a part of who he is as a person. He was born and raised in Chicago and he never even thought of moving to a different city because of the fear of a new place and environment.

So, is this the best way for him to react to a fear of change? In a way, he is on the right track because he has identified the root cause of the problem and that is change. The next few steps will depend on whether he wants to overcome it in the first place or continue to remain single for the rest of his life. If he decides to overcome it, then how should he proceed? The first step is to talk to his girl friend and explain the situation to her. Both of them can sit together and work out a solution that will help him to overcome his fear. He can also consider taking the help of a psychiatrist to accept change more readily.

Analysis

This fear of change is inherent in each of us. Nobody wants to topple a life that is going smooth and easy. At the same time, you have to think about the future and take the plunge. "Nobody said marriage was easy. But in every way you can measure what is good for people and society, it's worth the effort" (Hicks, 2010, p.5). Marriage gives you tremendous security, physical, emotional and mental support and a bonding that can last for a long time. The price you pay for these luxuries is the compromise that you have to make to include your spouse into your life. It is about accepting change and moving on to a more secure phase of your life.

This fear of change has to be conquered to prevent the marriage from ending in a divorce. "As people began to live longer they also came to realize that they might not want to remain in a bad marriage 'until death do us part'" (Gail, 2007, p.29). It is better that Charles thought about it and identified the reason. This would put him at ease and along with some measurable support from his girl friend, he can overcome it.