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169). Therefore, given the tight-knit quality of most marital relationships, anything short of absolute forgiveness will inevitably result in harbored resentment, anger and hostility. Some types of offenses are not easily forgiven, of course, and marital infidelity certainly ranks among them, but negative reactions in response to even the most egregious offenses can be forgiven if certain conditions are satisfied. For example, Welton and his associates cite the need for empathy in resolving marital conflicts and report that an individual's level of empathy is a predictor of their ability to forgive. Another attribute, "perspective taking," is similar to empathy but differs in that, "Perspective taking is a cognitive process that involves the imaginative ability to put one's self in the place of another," an attribute that "has long been viewed as critical for effective social interaction" (Welton et al., 2008, p. 169).
Irrespective of their current status, Welton et al. (2008) determined that even grievously aggrieved spouses were capable of forgiveness,...
Offenses that were deemed threatening were harder to forgive than unthreatening offenses, and that it is possible to replace negative emotions with other emotions but still not forgive the offender. Finally, these researchers determined that the higher the level of empathy, the more likely an offended spouse was to forgive. According to Welton and his associates, "Empathy had a consistent correlation with forgiveness. The ability to share the affective perspective of the other party was associated with the ability to forgive, regardless of the measurement method" (p. 170). These findings suggest that some people are "hard-wired" to forgive, while others may not be constitutionally capable of making the mental and emotional leap that is needed to forgive, which is not to say forget.
References
Welton, G.L., Hill, P.C. & Seybold, K.S. (2008, Summer). Forgiveness in the trenches:
Empathy, perspective taking, and anger. Journal of Psychology and Christianity, 27(2),
168-171
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