Gender and Sexuality: What it

Gender and Sexuality: What it Means to be a Man

In her essay, "Pills and Power Tools," Susan Bordo makes the point that male sexuality is not associated with sensuality or pleasure. Instead, male sexuality is associated with performance and force. Sex is something that men do to women, not something that is done to men. Furthermore it is something that men almost need to accomplish in order to complete their jobs as men. Sexual satisfaction is equated with sexual completion. Bordo talks about impotence and the idea that when a man has impotence he is described as impotent, and that such language is not reflected in other areas. Before discussing the show and tell item, it is important to address Bordo's assertions, because they are not correct. People are labeled diabetic, autistic, retarded, schizophrenic, nymphomaniacs, addicts, savants, and a whole variety of semi-diagnostic labels, rather than being characterized as a person with an illness. To suggest that impotence is the only time that a medical label is used as a noun is a disingenuous example and it this one-sided focus that seems to permeate much of Bordo's article. Yes, men drill, hammer, or screw women, if one looks at the popular terminology for sex. However, men also make love to women, shag, hump, or hook up with a woman. In other words, not every male-related term for sex is violent or reflects the idea of the penis as a tool.

The ad for KY Yours and Mine actually reflects the idea that male sexual satisfaction is important to the sexual experience. Bordo's argument is that many sex-related products are strongly gender-divided. Products for men are supposed to increase performance, while products for women are supposed to increase enjoyment. Of course, part of this reflects an anatomical reality that is not there because of gendered views, but is there because of biology. A complete act of sexual intercourse cannot occur with an unaroused male, but can occur with an unaroused female. That is simply biology. Sex may be far superior when a woman is aroused, but even desperately unwilling and unaroused women can physically engage in sex. That scenario, at least for heterosexual situations, is not the same for men. A certain level of arousal is needed for men to be able to engage in a certain level of sexuality. Moreover, a reflection that this arousal is necessary, whether in an ad for Viagra or in an ad for a product like the KY Yours and Mine, does show at least a tacit acknowledgment that male arousal is important to male satisfaction. If most women require some type of digital or oral stimulation to climax, it is clear that male arousal is not a critical element for female satisfaction. However, it is something that people, not only men, but also women, deem important for the sexual experience. Contrary to Bordo's conclusion, this emphasis seems to suggest some concern for the male experience in sexuality.