¶ … gestures, I realized that I needed a bit more understanding regarding my own approach to non-verbal communication. I began by asking friends and associates about my non-verbal traits, and was actually surprised at their views telling me that often non-verbally I was more expressive than verbally. Learning about non-verbal communication, I found that it is much more than gesture, and includes looks, dress, hair style, jewelry, and more -- everything and every message we send to the outside world unspoken, but nevertheless important and meaningful. When we use non-verbal gestures, for instance, we can communicate a great deal through our body posture, facial expressions, arm & hand gestures, or combinations. When we speak, we use tone, timbre, style and rhythm to emphasize or express emotion, but because our communications are co complex, some experts believe that depending on the culture, over 80% of human communication has an element of non-verbalness. This was surprising to me until I had my friends take a short video of me without my knowledge and then watching how I communicated issues like my day, opinions on the news, or a movie, etc.

It was also surprising to find out that most of non-verbal communication was culturally based. Since I come from a family background in which gestures are wild and expressive, it also makes sense that I, too, would share that mode of communication. I then also began paying more attention to the non-verbal cues others were giving to me; and the difference in those cues between those whom I know and strangers. It seemed to me that these bits of non-verbalness or gesture either emphasized the point or in fact had opposite meanings than what was being communicated verbally. For instance, I went to the deli of a grocery store to order some meats and cheeses. The counter person did not smile, had sagged posture and dead eyes that would not even focus upon me and said, "Hi, hope you're having a good day. What can I get you?" -- Despite being greeted and...

While verbal communication certain has layers of interpretation, non-verbal communication is far less controllable. It may be more honest and truthful in many cases (showing disgust at something rather than covering up feelings), but it is very subjective to the recipient. A person with poor posture might just be fatigued, not communicating rudeness; a person smiling may be putting on a show simply to get through the day. Thus, even when examining my own gesture communication, I found that when among family and friends my gestures were far less controlled, particularly when I was talking or arguing about something about which I was quite passionate. In addition, I thought I would turn to the local public television station to watch highlights of senatorial or congressional debates or speeches prior to voting. One would think that these politicians who make a living talking, giving speeches and trying to impress their views upon others would be experts at using NVC techniques. In fact, with very few exceptions, most "read" to the audience. This text was often profound and obviously very important -- but delivered in a droll and monotone way. I decided to look at other famous speeches and see what I found: for instance, Winston Churchill's Iron Curtain speech was delivered more like a university lecture than a warning about communism; and in contrast, President John F. Kennedy's Inaugural Speech where gestures, tone and "connection" were apparent.
Finally, I realized that gesture, while an important part of non-verbal communication, was not the only way that ideas and attitudes are shared. For instance, style of dress tells people whether I am in a personal or professional situation, the pitch of my…