The first interpersonal interaction that I engaged in was at a nearby Christian church. As an international Asian student, I immediately stood out in the church, which was full of white faces. I had never been there but had been invited by a friend, who I will call Sheila. Sheila was well known at the church and I was introduced as her friend. I wore khaki pants and a black button-up shirt. I made an effort to be very polite to everyone; however, Western manners are very different from Asian manners and it is always interesting to see how friendly and outgoing Westerners are when meeting someone new. Looking back on my performance I can see that I was trying to match their friendliness, stride for stride, smile for smile. I do not think I have ever smiled so much in my life—not because I was happy but because I was just trying to show reciprocal mannerisms. According to Goffman, “Whatever others know about us they only know due to the signs that we choose to give them (signals given) and those we appear to emit, or give off (signals given-off). The signals that we appear to emit – signals of appearance, manner and setting – constitute our front” (Nelson, Claim 1). I actually consciously did this, so it did not fit in with the unconscious communication of the self. However, what I perceive that I did unconsciously communicate was that there was some connection between Sheila and me that was anything more than just friendship. I sensed that the different people were thinking something about Sheila and me and it made me think that maybe what they were thinking was indeed true. In other words I felt that they were thinking of me and Sheila in stereotypical terms (there go a boy and girl together, they must be romantically involved), or as Goffman says, “Because others can only understand us in terms of stereotypes, we have no choice but to actively and incessantly, even if unconsciously, produce a front that portrays us as an advantageous type of person, if we wish to be easily and accurately understood by others” (Nelson, Claim 15). I began thinking of myself and Sheila in these terms even though I knew they were not reflective of the truth. I did not know why these terms were crossing my mind and I felt confused by them and wondered whether we should be a romantic pair or if this occasion was the start of some romance between us. I actually began to look more closely at her demeanor to see if I could recognize any signs that this was so—a touch perhaps or some expression on her face, but I did not see any.
As I mingled with the others, I stood very straight and looked at everyone in the face and listened intently. I thought I was just being polite, but maybe I actually am I polite person after all: “Goffman argues that our fronts do not cover or hide our true self; rather, they are our true self, or at least our true self for all practical purposes.)” (Nelson, Claim 2). So since I am able to put up a front of politeness it must mean that I am polite in fact. I noticed too that I was polite towards my friend Sheila and I wondered if this front was meaningful of any other things, and since I became conscious of what others were thinking about us and did not know what Sheila herself was thinking I made a point to not communicate anything meaningful or more meaningful than what a friend might communicate with my body language. I did not stand too close to her and thought that I made it clear that we were just friends. In this way, by making a front of posing as a friend I must have been revealing my true self and true feelings towards her, which are feelings of friendship. I think...…reflect the feeling in my mind that I was now being shown the respect I wanted and even though my feeling of frustration lingered I wanted to project appreciation and relief and so I moved my arms more freely and spoke more loudly at the counter when ordering to show that I was happy and content. However, I noticed that I was actually feeling confused and out of place and my tones and manners were not as light and carefree as when I am really happy and at peace. I felt many different conflicting feelings while passing through the line to get my food: I wanted to be happy and carefree, and I still also wanted to show dignity and convey my sense of earlier frustration and I also just wished I was somewhere else. Which was my true self? Goffman says there is no true self: “Despite having multiple socially-defined selves, we appear, to us and to others, to have one self. We create this appearance through the production of selective autobiographies, by practicing audience segregation and by claiming that we were ‘not ourselves’” (Nelson, Claim 9). This makes sense and explains what I was feeling as I got my food and took it to a table to eat. I ate my food and began to feel better but I was now also removed from the group of girls who had cut in the line and then allowed me to go ahead. They took so long I was already finished eating by the time they got through and I was happy that they had realized their mistake and allowed me to go through first. Therefore, I think that all these different thoughts and feelings must be a reflection of who I truly am and all my efforts to display different fronts are signals that I am conscientious and mindful and yet also want respect from others and want to behave in a way that is proper.