Standards of presence in group practice

¶ … standards of presence inform your group practice? What challenges might you have in maintaining them? Are there any you would add or delete?

Many of the "Standards of Presence" outlined by life coach Joanna Davis are extremely idealistic, such as the notion that a group member must always be fully present and give authentic feedback and support to fellow members. However, the standards provide important ideals to aspire towards in the context of an effective group practice. Being positive and supportive rather than negative and judgmental is an essential part of keeping a healthy mindset when interacting with others (Davis 2010). The standards underline the need to always be 'present' and mindful in all components of one's existence. When someone is speaking in a group, instead of 'zoning out' and waiting for your chance to speak, it is important to actually listen to what the individual is saying, so your response is genuine.

These ideals can be difficult when someone seems to be 'droning on;' is mired in the same issues from week to week; and seems unable to take constructive advice. Conversely, when someone is present and open to your input, it is very easy to offer them the same courtesy back. When they are not, it is far more challenging to strive to set the tone of the group practice and be the driving force of positivity. It can be hard to accept someone who seems to be making questionable decisions and is unwilling to change their fate. However, being extremely judgmental seldom changes people's behaviors in a meaningful fashion. The goal is motivating people to make real, action-oriented changes in the world and silencing dialogue is never productive.

A stand for innocence and an open, beginner's mind enables the different group participants to learn from one another in a meaningful fashion (Davis 2010). Coming with an opinionated expert's mind is the very opposite of being 'present' and open. For example, if someone has decided to leave their partner, rather than thinking 'oh, well, she has had a number of boyfriends come and go since I have known her,' listening to the individual circumstances of this particular break-up is a more compassionate response. It is also very important to separate one's personal feelings from facts, which is why phrasing things in terms of 'I' statements is so critical. Rather than assuming that one's opinions and judgments are fact, this forces the speaker to acknowledge his or her subjective vantage-point. Without making 'I' statements it is all too tempting to assume that one's personal prejudices are 'facts.'

What I would add to the statements, however, is the need to also further positive growth amongst all the participants within the group. Although positive acceptance is useful, this does not mean that people should not be confronted with untruths they have been telling themselves and others (such as an addict self-justifying his or her behaviors). One of the reasons group therapy or therapy in general is so useful is it provides immediate feedback. It is possible to support the person without supporting all of their behaviors. In fact, sometimes distancing the person from his or her behaviors can be an essential component of therapy.