Growing Up as an Asian-American,

Growing up as an Asian-American, I was often "forced," in myriad social situations, to perceive my own identity in relation to my peers. It was sometimes alienating, sometimes it seemed not to matter, and sometimes it actually increased an ego-affirming sense of individuality. Always, though, it was an "Outsider" feeling - the feeling that I was different, for better or worse. Such is the source of my desire to take Asian-American Studies.

I was never able to completely assess if my "Outsider" status was for better or for worse, or for that matter, if my race was of any significant consequence at all. After all, I have to admit that often I have felt no connection to my "Asian side" - I do not speak Chinese, I eat mostly American food, I like American TV. Often I feel that I relate more closely to the "Western" identity. Accordingly, I have wondered what actually makes me Asian-American. Is it a self-imposed label, or an externally- imposed label that I can choose to accept or reject? What makes anyone an Asian-American? Is it, simply, sharing a set of physical characteristics? Does something separate "us" from "them," and if so, is this understood as good or bad? Is the attempt to define an identity in terms of racial label a noble or misguided one?

The summer between my junior and senior year of high school, I was lucky enough to tour Asia on my own, in an attempt to explore some of these questions. Through the summer months, I traveled most of Southeast Asia, concentrating the bulk of my travels in China. It was here that I was able to see, first hand, my racial history. It did not strike a too-significant impression on me - I felt a bit like the "Outsider" here, as well. I did not speak the language, I did not dress like they did. I could hardly, at first, even order a spring roll, or use public transit. This experience added to my desire to understand, truly, what the Asian-American identity meant, and if it really should or could have any significance to me.