How to Avoid Having a Child Throw a Tantrum

¶ … Parents a and B For observation of Parent A (the appropriate acting parent) I went to the Children's Museum Discovery Area at the local museum in town. The child appeared to me to be a toddler, around 2-3 years old. He was with his mother, who was with another friend of hers (female) and the friend's child (a baby). I observed that the mother was paying attention to the child and showing the boy different exhibits and talking to him in a sweet voice.

She was apparently attempting to engage the boy and assist him in experiencing his surroundings. She would point out objects and say their name and guide him to them and allow him to ask questions (which were not always comprehensible, at least to me). When the boy appeared to become unhappy, fussing and whining, the mother picked him up and he laid his head down on her shoulder.

It was evident that he was tired but perhaps he also had a dirty diaper because she then left the Discovery Area with him and went into the Ladies Room. I did not follow but I assume she changed his diaper if it was dirty. When they came out, she was holding his hand and he was walking beside her. He was no longer fussy. They returned to the Discovery Area where she allowed him to interact with other children.

After a few moments, however, his sleepy gaze returned and he appeared to be withdrawn from his surroundings. He actually came to her and hugged her leg like he wanted to be picked up. She responded by picking him up and he laid his head on her shoulder. She continued to speak to her friend as she swayed back and forth. After a few moments, the child appeared to be asleep in her arms. Soon the woman left with her sleeping toddler.

What Parent A did that specifically gave me the impression that the parent was interacting appropriately with her child was that the parent appeared to be responding to the child's needs. The child was probably both tired and had a dirty diaper and the woman took care of both problems.

She was not consumed by her own agenda (spending time with her friend) but rather demonstrated that her child was her main agenda (though she could also pass the time with her friend, which illustrated strength in the woman's character, from what I could tell). For observation of Parent B, I went to the Children's Museum Gift Shop. The child that I observed here appeared to be 3-4 years old. He was "with" his mother.

I use quotation marks because although the mother was nearby, the child was largely unsupervised, which appeared to me to be part of the problem that he was having. The child was hysterical, crying on the ground, lying prostrate, and flailing his limbs in a tantrum. It was not evident why the child was crying. It may have had to do with his mother not purchasing something for him. Or it may have been for some other reason.

The mother was standing a ways off because the Gift Shop was mostly empty of patrons (the scene was probably too embarrassing for any other customer to watch so it is no wonder that the shop was empty). She was not interacting with her child at all. She was being "stand-offish" in response to the child's tantrum. It was clear that neither she nor the child was in control.

What Parent B specifically did that gave me the impression that she was interacting inappropriately with her child was that the parent did not show warmth or responsiveness to the child's obvious needs the way that a parent should, according to Brooks (2013). The child could have been throwing a tantrum for any number of reasons: he could have been tired, hungry, not feeling well, had a dirty diaper, been denied some wanted object.

The parent seemed unable to cope with the situation and thought the best way of handling the toddler's cues would be to ignore them. This method did not seem appropriate given the context or location/circumstance of the situation. They were out in public. The child was probably in an unfamiliar setting. It was around noon, so the child may have either needed a nap or some lunch or both.

The parent was probably feeling overwhelmed by the child's tantrum but now it seemed too late to do anything other than pick the child up, and take him out of the setting. It was beyond the point of really responding to cues. Crisis mode was already happening. So this was the main difference between Parent A and Parent B: Parent A was responsive to cues, which allowed her to avoid having to deal with a crisis. Parent B was already.