How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

In Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People, six principles are provided to help people achieve the titular goal: 1) Become genuinely interested in others; 2) Smile; 3) Remember that a person’s own name is the best sound to them in the world; 4) Listen well; 5) Use terms that are interesting to the other person; 6) Show the other person that you think they are important. In short, the main idea of the book is to care about others and be sincere about it and to do it with a smile and with positive energy. That is the best way to win friends and influence others. In this paper, I will describe how I implemented these principles in my own life, at school, at work, and what the outcomes were.
In my personal life and in my student life, I realized that I was around a lot of people all the time, yet hardly knew them. I decided to start opening up and trying to just make the room a little friendlier. The first thing I did was to start paying attention to what others were saying. By listening to them, I began to feel that I was getting to know them better. Then, when I spoke to them, or made a response, I could use the terms that they had used in their discussions, and in this way I could connect with them in a meaningful way. I could also ask for more input and say something like, “That is a really interesting take on the subject; I had never considered it from that point of view before. I would definitely be interested in hearing more about it.” The person would always come back to me favorably expressing an interest in sharing more ideas with me as I was one who clearly had good sense.
I also began using others’ names when I would meet them or see them. Instead of just saying, “Hello!” or “Hi!” I would say, “Hi, Ross!” or “Hello, Evelyn!” whenever I saw these people at work. I began addressing all my colleagues and peers by the names, and I felt that in doing so it knocked down whatever icy barrier might exist between us. I could feel that by simply saying the person’s name, I was reaching out and giving them a friendly hug. I myself felt like I was more willing to warm up to that person just by saying their name. I would follow up the salutation with a warm and real inquiry, like, “How was your weekend?” and I would use a tone that demonstrated my genuine interest in how they spent their time. I would show that I really wanted to know more about them and I would listen to what they said, remember their words, and catch up with them later on in the week to get an update on how a particular situation was unfolding. In this manner I became more like a friend who has a genuine concern for their lives and wants to know how things are going.
The outcome of this type of interaction was that I began to be more popular at work and among people in my school. People began to smile more when they saw me, and of course I was always smiling as well because this is a big part of the Dale Carnegie strategy. At work especially, my peers and colleagues and managers all began coming to me for input as I was now showing myself as more sociable, willing to listen, willing to take part in the lives of others, and willing to be a real team player. Before, I was not being asked for my take on much because I was not giving much to the workplace environment. After smiling more, saying people’s names, getting to know them, taking an interest in their lives, and showing that I cared about them, I was suddenly being seen as someone who had an important opinion on workplace matters and who should be consulted about things, such as what teams should be given which tasks, how the department might benefit from a rearrangement, and which channels the new purchases might go through as alternatives to the present ones being used. My colleagues viewed me now as someone who could be trusted and appreciated.
Even among customers, I began to demonstrate these principles. If a customer came up, I was always smiling, always introducing myself so that I could then get their name and use it over the course of our encounter. I would listen extremely well to everything they were saying, and repeat certain terms back to them that they had used so that they could see that I was listening. I would do all of this to show that I was genuinely concerned about their experience and genuinely wanted to see how I could help. As a result my good will towards customers was noticed by others and my managers even saw how patiently and selflessly I was acting towards customers. They said they received numerous calls from customers afterwards who wanted to tell the managers how thankful and happy they were to have met me and have obtained my services in helping them with their issues. The managers let me know that they were quite pleased with how well I was engaging with the customers and as a result I have been told that I am going to be nominated for employee of the month. My stock at work has risen, in other words, all because I have taken the time to show an interest in others, listen to them, demonstrate my concern for their issues, and use their name over the course of our interactions.
I must say that I am not really very surprised by what has happened because when you think about it, it all really just makes sense: of course people are going to respond favorably to you when you take the time to view them in a positive manner and show that you want to know more about them. It is truly what being friends with others is all about, and the main idea behind Carnegie’s strategy is that in order to win friends and influence others, you have to be genuinely interested in others and that means being there for them. My success with this strategy was mainly seen at work, where I had more opportunity to implement these strategies on a consistent basis—however, I also did my best to do this in my personal life. What I actually found was that among my friends and family, I already implemented this strategy—and that is probably why I have good relationships with my friends and family already.
In conclusion, I found that by taking simple, small steps towards demonstrating friendly behavior, I could make meaningful connections with people and break down barriers of impersonality that existed before. At my workplace especially, I have found that others greet me now because I have started to greet them. I am viewed as a worker who is well-liked because I have begun to demonstrate my capacity to like others. The expression, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” is true: if I want to make friends and influence others, I have to show that I am willing to be a friend to others first and that I am willing to be influenced by them. True, I do not let anyone influence me negatively—and smiling through all things has really helped me to keep a positive outlook at work, especially when times become stressful. But even by just offering up an encouraging word from time to time and giving people a little bit of emotional support has helped me to become a more valuable person at the workplace. My managers have more respect for me now. My colleagues look forward to working with me. Customers are happy to have me wait on them and listen to their needs. And at school, I feel like I am connecting with more students in a meaningful way and potentially making friends that might last a lifetime.