Being gay is not "all about sex and partying" it is fundamentally about love. Gay people are no more or less likely than straight people to be into 'partying' and every person should be evaluated on his or her own personal terms, not simply viewed in light of his or her sexuality. People may judge gay people based upon one or two false media images or one or two anecdotes, but they would not take the behavior of one heterosexual person to be representative of all straight people.
One positive aspect of being gay, Mike noted, is the extent to which it has made him more compassionate and tolerant of other people's differences. Mike grew up in a very homogeneous, non-diverse environment, but being gay taught him what it is like to be a member of a minority. Being gay made him become more accepting and tolerant of other's differences, given the extent to which he has felt judged in the past in a negative fashion, simply because he was not seen as 'normal.' He says he always tries to put himself in other people's shoes and tries not to judge other people. Just as the fact he was gay broadened his parents' perspective of the world, being gay has broadened Mike's perspective of the world.
When I asked Mike what words are acceptable and not acceptable to use when referring to gay people, he consulted his boyfriend and said that words like 'fag' are not acceptable, and that he preferred 'gay' to other terms but then slightly corrected himself. "We don't want a label on ourselves; we just want to be treated like everyone else." In other words, his sexuality is just one -- although an important part -- of his character. No one would ever judge...
No one speaks of 'my heterosexual friend.' But people still identify gay people primarily in terms of their sexuality. When I asked him if homosexual was an acceptable term, he said "why do we need another label?"
Mike added that he is a basically happy and well-adjusted person and the fact that his partner was male did not affect anyone else. "I just want to be happy, it doesn't change anything. Why does who they go home to have anything their [homophobic people's] lives?" Gay people do not have a 'choice' in being gay any more than a straight person chooses to be straight. When I asked him how to learn to understand gay people better, he (and his boyfriend) said "make more gay friends." The more you meet different gay people, the more you understand the diversity of the community. The more you talk to gay people, the better you understand their perspective of the world.
Just like Mike reaches out to other people to learn more about them when they have different backgrounds, he wishes other people would do the same of the gay community. Understanding and personal encounters are the best weapons against intolerance. "We are fun people, we are happy people and we know how to cook, well, most of us," he added, laughing once again stressing how similarities are more important than differences between any groups of people. Mike's ultimate career goal is to be a philanthropist so he can give back to people in need and help people who cannot help themselves. To do so, he intends to pursue a career path as an international lawyer and work to establish world peace.
