Love concepts and applications

Love

"Once upon a time there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering…" These were the opening lines that began a love story so powerful that Alma Singer's parents were moved to name her after the story's heroine. These lovers, Alma's parents, would also be separated when death claimed her father, leaving Alma's mother consumed with her loss.

At not quite fifteen years of age, Alma's experience of romantic love would be limited, but that doesn't stop her from trying to find a man for her mother to love. Certainly Alma loves her mother so much that her mother's pain becomes her own, and Alma does what she can to ease her mother's suffering. Alma is motivated to try to change her mother's life for the better, and Alma too becomes preoccupied with love.

Much has been written about the human condition and the concept of love in all its various manifestations. In addition to romantic love, there is also familial love, which describes Alma's attachment to her mother, as well as her concern for her brother Bird. There have been any number of theories put forward to explain human bonding; and trying to make sense of why we humans are so concerned with love. Some theories are more illustrative than others when it comes to explaining our preoccupation with love and helping us understand the phenomenon.

The first such theory that many would argue is that love is a function of the survival instinct. From infants to the elderly, it is in their best interests to love and be loved. We frequently hear or see stories about people surviving incredible challenges and keeping themselves motivated by thoughts of their loved ones. In many cases they wanted to spare their loved ones from grieving over their loss; or they wanted their families to be properly cared for. In each case, the thought of one's family suffering was powerful motivation for them to stay alive.

Even under less extreme circumstances, love is still important to the individual's survival and well-being, particularly when one is vulnerable because of age or immaturity, as is the case with children. It is pretty much universally accepted that a child who has a loving and nurturing family has a better chance of leading a well-adjusted life, which explains why we as a society do what we can to promote strong family bonds. It can be argued then that our preoccupation with love is partly due to our survival instincts.

Of course that rationale only begins to explain the emotional component of love. There is still a need to address why the experience of loving can be so satisfying and uplifting. One explanation is the degree to which love brings organization and structure to their existence. Teens in particular, like Alma, look for some organizing principle in their lives, and love serves that function. Alma is deeply affected by her mother's sense of loss upon Alma's father's death from cancer, and Alma hopes to lessen her mother's pain by finding someone else for her mother to love. T his determination to help her mother gives Alma a sense of purpose as well as focus. It is worth noting that, as frequently happens with love, there is a role reversal in the interactions between Alma and her mother, and Alma comes to parent her mother.

Another reason for our preoccupation with love has to do with its transformative power. Love, or its absence, has the power to change lives. The effects of this change may or may not be considered positive. Often love inspires people to greater achievements than what they might otherwise accomplish; love provides fuel to spark their growth. At the very least, love provides inspiration and sets a direction for growth. This expansion can be one of the most rewarding aspects of love, even for those relationships where the outcome is not considered a "success."

As it often happens, love provides us with a sense of purpose, which frequently manifests as a quest. Because love can be such a catalyst, some people experience love as a type of dissonance, a feeling that something is missing, a need that is going unfulfilled. This sensation creates a tension that is resolved when that person undertakes a mission, a quest for something higher and better. Not that the mission is always successful, the dynamics of loving seem to require only that the quest be taken up.