Marriage Preparation From the Perspective

Marriage Preparation From the Perspective of Various Researchers and Authors

Marriage Preparation- Physiological and Psychological Paths

Every one of us has to pass through a certain phase of life which involves either major or minor changes. One such phase is adulthood which involves changes not only in our Physiology, but our psychological patterns of thinking also undergo some predictable as well as abrupt changes. It is during this phase of life when one thinks to look for a partner to spend his or her life with. Marriage is one such major incident in one's life which requires proper planning for the coming life. Although very few of us may find enough time (and sources) to prepare for marriage. This paper is aimed to introduce the different theoretical concepts related to marriage preparation. By investigating various theories put forth by some of the eminent psychologists and scholars, we will look into various psychological aspects of marriage preparation. Apart from discussing overall contributions of all the scholars, we will restrict our discussion to the literature dealing with one of the therapies used in marriage preparation; the solution based therapy aspect.

Various Theories and Perspectives on Marriage Preparation

Out of all the scholars who made contributions in the field of marriage counseling, name of John Gottman stays at the top. According to him, communication and conflict resolution cannot solve the problems most of the marriages face. It is mutual respect and true, strong and deep friendship between the two partners which makes the relationship more strong and long lasting (Gottman, 1999). He talks of a 'set point'

which, when achieved, helps the two partners maintain the relationship even in weaker times like any financial, emotional or any other crisis. The same theme is discussed by Johnson (2008) but with a slightly different perspective. She argues that Emotionally

Focused Therapy (EFT), which stresses on various aspects of emotional bond between the two partners, can play a major role in marital life of spouses. She supports her point with reference to a number of studies involving changes in biochemical reactions in the form of hormonal changes which occur in response to certain gestures shown by one's partner during any conversation; both before and after marriage. Pre-marital therapy of both man and woman plays an important role in making the couple aware of the fact and to use it to the best in pursuit of a happy marital life.

The process of marriage preparation involves counseling and psychometric analysis of both the partners. There are various factors which need to be considered in order to successfully prepare the couple for their upcoming life. A happy and complete family needs contribution from both partners. The role of family members with reference to his or her contribution was discussed by Bowen in most of his work. He described three basic types of family members; the Distancer, Overadequate and Underadequate

(Bowen, 1990). The Distancer in any family usually exhibits a behavior which shows that one is responsible for driving on his or her own course of events. The Overadequate and Underadequate have more chances to get closer as one is seeking responsibility and the other is looking for someone to share his or her responsibility. If it is identified at pre-

marital stage that which type of personality each person is carrying, it can become much easier for both the couple and the counselor to look for the future potential conflicts and binding points for the couple. Among those who confirm the role of each family member in a happy family life, there is name of Virginia Satir, one of the prominent names in family therapy. She also emphasized that marital, as well as family life, depends on the contribution from each and every member of family. She introduced the concept of 'Couple Therapy' which is also called Family Therapy. Satir emphasized the importance of communication and co-therapy in marriage preparation techniques (Satir, 1983).

Another contribution of Satir was her introduction on the technique, Solution

Focused Brief Therapy, (SBFT) It was in 1980, at Palo Alto Mental Research Institute,

where Virginia Satir and Richard Fisch along with Milton Erickson worked out this technique of marriage preparation. The source of inspiration was the work of Steve de

Shazer and his wife. All the names included in development of this tool in marriage preparation have made significant contributions in the field of psychological relationships between members of a family.

SBFT focuses on the aim a couple wants to achieve. It centers on talking about the present and future conditions of both the partners. Some of the major contributions in the field were made by Milton Erickon, who provided the basics of hypnotic techniques. He asserted the use of hypnosis techniques to discuss with couples the existing and potential problems in their marital life. He focused on the effective and open two way communication regarding all issues of marital life including trust, expectations, sex, and excessive alcohol use (or abuse) by one of the partners and other similar issues (Erickson, 1976). Erickson made use of his proposed hypnosis techniques in counseling couples for solution of all the problems by letting them speak their heart. A

wide variety of hypnotic techniques is of great importance in marriage preparation for the couples who have some issues between them before marriage.

The basis of the SBFT was, however, found by Steve de Shazer. His work is based on his own relation with his wife. He argued in most of his work that the partners, before and after marriage should be bale to find resources from within and therefore, must be able to solve problems themselves ( Shazer, 2000). The focus of Shazer's point-of-view about SBFT is the focus of the effort in preparation period on the future so that the couple may lead a harmonious and happy life by having an insight into themselves rather than looking for some third party to resolve their conflicts (Shazer, 1985).

On the basis of Shazer's work, Richard Fisch built more about the SBFT. Fisch

developed the MRI (Mental research Institute) model for Solution Based Therapy. He contributed that developing a strategy of detecting the change in the peace of mind in either of the partners can bring out important information which may prove helpful in devising a solution strategy for future life of the couple (Fisch, 1982). His work was augmented by the work of Satir and lead to the formation of modern SBFT used in marriage preparation.