They had a little more to worry about their health condition, and nothing more to be frightened about, that is all. One day, my boyfriend had to leave for another country where he had to stay three months. I was alone, at home, and his grandfather moved in with me because he had a heart condition. He was very sick and could not even climb the stairs by himself anymore. In a very short time, he and the other grandfather of them left us. The only grandparent left was his grandmother who moved in with me. After her husband's death she changed completely. She was totally depending on people around her. She couldn't dare to do anything by herself anymore, even if physically she was still all right. Now I was beginning to see the big picture. I hated everything. I hated old age. I hated the situation, I hated myself for not having enough patience, understanding and compassion. One year passed and she came a little bit...
but, she is only a pale copy of that. She has no meaning anymore. She is just waiting for her death. She behaves more and more like a child, but we are having much less patience with her, than we would have with our children and I feel guilty for that. Since the death of my boyfriend's grandfather, I began to change my lifestyle. First, I quit smoking. I will always remember what he used to tell us: "Quit smoking. Look at me. I used to smoke and now I am a ghost. I can't walk. I can't even breath properly, anymore. "And then, a few days before he died I overheard him crying and saying: "Look at us, what we became!," referring to the poor health state he was in.
I do not want us to be two children at the age of eighty. I do not want us to stop being able to breathe because of the smoking. I want to stay sane till the last day of my life and I pray to God he helps us.
