Parent-child conflicts and suppression of personal needs in counseling

¶ … parent-child conflicts cause people to act without being true to their own needs and desires. Because of the ingrained need to please the parents, people often sacrifice, suppress, or deny their feelings. Especially in families in which tradition is important, a person may find him or herself trying too hard to stay in the good graces of their family. An example would be marriage outside of the religion. It is very common for families to unduly pressure their children into marrying within the same faith, even if that religious tradition means little to the child. As a result, the child may end up sacrificing a positive and loving relationship to please the parents. This could cause serious repercussions for the person down the road. Not only will he or she lose an opportunity for a healthy marriage, but may end up building up resentment towards the strict parents. Instead of being assertive, the person will suppress his or her anger. This could eventually emerge as passive-aggressive behavior or estrangement. The person may also have a difficult time developing trust in future relationships because of the loss that this sacrifice entailed.

It is important for a counselor to confront clients directly when it is apparent that the client is acting according to the will of other people. Parents can be especially persuasive and manipulative and it is important for the counselor to discover why the client feels such a strong need to please the parents while disregarding his or her own needs.