Problem Solving In order to solve problems effectively, a formalized process can be used. These are the basic steps that all problem-solving goes through, but following them ensures that all relevant steps will be taken into consideration. This is better than the alternative, where ad hoc problem-solving can result is sloppiness and errors. Sometimes, such steps are required to resolve a dilemma, such as is the case in this scenario.

The problem in this situation is that there is a discrepancy between the effort that parents are putting into their children's projects. Ultimately, you can only worry about your own child. But the downside to that is that your child has not completed the assignment effectively, and the other child will by virtue of its parent's assistance will deliver a better project. Your child, with a poorer grade, could well be disadvantaged by performing their own work. You are seeking to teach your child how to learn, not simply to obtain a grade, but ultimately this approach conflicts with both the approach that others students take and with the approach that is incentivized in the education system.

Problem Analysis

The conflict here is that by allowing your child to success or fail of its own merits, you risk your child receiving a poorer grade. Ultimately, things like college admissions, or even just being fast-tracked into academic programs require a trade-off that this scenario embodies. A college admissions office neither knows nor cares how a grade was obtained -- they simply look at the grade. Thus, the short-run view looks at getting the best grade as the optimal outcome. The long-run view is different, because it emphasizes the skills that you, as parent, believe are essential to success later in life. The problem is that the short-run issue of obtaining a grade -- while unlikely to affect the long-run success of your child, could if repeated multiple times put your child in a position where he/she does not get the advantages necessary to be in a good position later in life -- maybe it is better to be a bad boss than a good subordinate.

Possible Solutions

There are three possible solutions. The first is to match the efforts of the other parent. Supplies can be purchased, and time set aside to help your child with the project. The second approach is to let it be -- to allow your child to do the project entirely without help, and succeed or fail on the merits of the project. The third option is to guide your child -- to at least push them into examining the project, for example asking specific questions like "are you sure you have done every component of the instructions?"

Evaluation of Alternatives

Helping your child -- the first alternative -- is not all bad. First, it provides an opportunity for your child to get a better grade. There is no reason to stunt your child's academic performance,...

Furthermore, you have the ability to make a contribution to a level that you feel comfortable with. You do not need to do as much as the other parent. You can contribute to a level with which you are ethically comfortable. It can actually be a bonding moment. There is the risk if you do not help that your child may actually be resentful in some way because other kids got to work with their parents and get good grades, while they were essentially left to their own devices, which led to failure.
Not helping at all certainly drives home a message to the child. But there is also the risk that doing so will hurt your child's confidence. Seeing that in the real world people succeed when they enlist the help of others, and seeing that they have no such support, is not exactly going to be the confidence boost you envision. There are lessons to be learned about responsibility, it is true, but failure is not always the best pathway to learning. Some feel that it is, others feel that a pattern of failure is not helpful -- only occasional failure can actually build character, you need some successes too.

The third path, basically the middle path, allows you to give lessons to the child. This is useful because the child will perform better, but will also be pushed to be his/her best, and not be reliant on others for success. Self-reliance and responsibility are important, while using others as a crutch encourages bad habits. A parent helping point a child in the right direction is valuable and appreciated, a parent taking over is not, so the middle path is what strikes the balance. Children don't just learn from failure; they also learn from having someone who knows what they're doing show them how. Making sure your child has followed all the steps is at least making sure that they have the support they need to succeed on their own.

Recommendation

The best solution in this case is the third option. There are moral hazards built into the first two options. The first option has a high risk of failure, and repeated failure does not usually correspond with later success, because you have never learned how to succeed. You also do not learn how to succeed by having your parents do everything for you. So the middle path is the one that allows the child to succeed on his/her own abilities, but with the support and guidance to ensure that their efforts are being channeled in the right direction. This pathway is relatively easy to execute, allows for more active parental intervention without being too much. Passive parenting of the option #2 type is ultimately not really going to be helpful -- how do you know that the child is going to learn the lesson you think they will from the experience? The way that you know is by being there, helping them through their problems and ensuring that they learn the lessons you…