Toddler behavior and development

¶ … Parents Magazine (2008):

I am Toddler, Hear me Roar: Learning to Live With and Love Your Toddler"

The Terrible Twos: A Preview of the Teenage Years

Angry. Opinionated. Possessing a unique will and capabilities. Ready to explore the world, regardless of whether his or her parents think he or she is ready to do so. Although this description may seem to fit the profile of the typical adolescent, it is also a fair description of toddlers as well. Toddlerhood is the first major stage of childhood development when children are learning how to test their limits and stretch and grow as people by taking risks. As any parent knows, every toddler's favorite word is a decided 'no,' usually uttered in a very loud and declarative tone! Parents are often frustrated during this period of their child's development, as they strike a balance between encouraging the toddler's independence while still striving to educate the child in good manners, enabling the child to function in school -- and society.

It's Only Normal for Parents to Want to Throw Tantrums

Toddlerhood in some ways is harder on parents than on the young individuals themselves. It seems like only a few months ago that the parent had a quiet, snuggly baby who had just learned to sleep through the night and eat solid food. Now the toddler is intent upon terrorizing the home, tearing rooms filled with fragile furniture apart, putting dangerous objects in his or her mouth, and refusing to eat anything except their plastic toys and his or her older sister's mud pies!

It's tempting for parents to want yell and scream, just like toddlers themselves, in dealing with this sort of behavior. Toddlers are often aggressive and confrontational, and it is only natural for parents to want to respond in kind, no matter how much they may love their child. However, even when the child's behavior seems irrational, it is essential that parents use time-outs as teaching opportunities, not simply as a method of getting peace and quiet.

Research on disciplining children of this age group indicates that when children are physically punished without the parent giving an explanation as to why the behavior was wrong they become angry rather than reform their behavior. They actually become or grow more aggressive -- or withdrawn and sullen, depending on the child's personality orientation. Punishment without explanation reinforces the child's sense of powerlessness. One reason toddlers may like to say "no" is that they are frustrated by their inability to express themselves to the most powerful people in their lives -- mom and dad. Toddlers have many thoughts, feelings, and a great sense of curiosity about this very new world around them -- but a limited vocabulary! Toddlers are like recently arrived immigrants or tourists who do not speak the language to the country of childhood.

The Benefits of Daycare

To help socialize a toddler, daycare centers, especially those equipped with outdoor playgrounds can perform an important function in the history of the toddler's development and encourage the toddler to meet crucial developmental milestones, like sharing, sitting and eating a meal without getting up, and walking confidently without assistance. These arenas provide places where toddlers can run around, and explore their world without parents worrying about the toddlers spilling, breaking expensive objects, or putting something potentially hazardous in the toddler's mouth. Daycare is, if nothing else, an important 'time out' of toddlercare for mom and dad, and enables parents to return to their child refreshed after a break of 'grown-up' time together!

The toddler may return to mom and dad better behaved than before. As well as burning off energy during playtime, because of the presence of other toddlers, the toddlers in daycare centers must learn to take turns, share toys, and do things they may not be required to do at home, if they are only children, or the youngest or oldest child in the family. Of course, parents should observe the children's interaction at the center as well as the quality and competence of care. It is not enough that the facility and the staff are qualified. The child must have a rapport with his or her teachers, and the child must seem to flourish in the atmosphere.

Every Toddler is Unique

Some children may have more difficulty socializing with their peer group, and although it can be painful for parents to let their children go for even a few hours to a place where a child may be more withdrawn than engaged with other children, doing so can be helpful to the child in the long run, provided that the daycare staff takes note of the child's shyness and works in a manner that is sensitive to overcome his or her inhibitions such as asking: "Why don't you play in the sand with the other children? They look like they're having so much fun, and I bet you would love to make a sandcastle!" If problems persist, however, trying out another center maybe a good idea.

Picking a Daycare Center

There are certain important things to look for when seeing if a daycare center is right for your child. The caregivers at the center should have reasonable expectations about toddlers sharing and taking terms, as narcissism is somewhat natural at this age -- the toddler still sees him or herself as the center of the universe (another similarity with adolescents, one could add -- and some adults!)

If the right center is found, the setting can provide important learning opportunities from adults experienced in toddler care that can prepare the toddler for school. Activities for this age group should not feel like work, rather they should use the child's natural desire to learn. What seems like play at these centers often has important lessons, woven into the fabric of the activity. For example, learning to sing the lyrics for "Wheels on the Bus" and "Seven Little Ducks" makes use of toddlers' natural sense of rhythm and delight in making noise. It teaches toddlers new words and the joy of participating in something communal like a dance, song, or game with clearly defined rules that the toddler must obey for the fun activity to proceed fairly and smoothly.

Defiant and Stubborn -- but Always Learning

Anyone who has ever spent a day with even the most stubborn toddler knows it is never too young for a child to learn. Even if the child cannot read, being exposed to words in a classroom environment is important preparation for school. One daycare center uses the opportunity of early childhood education to expose children not simply to the alphabet and numbers, as indicated by fun pictures of bears and bunnies that teach the children the shapes of letters and the concept of numbers, but also has posters of such messages as "Celebrate Diversity," as well as lessons about the seasons.