Women Choose to Become Surrogate

¶ … women choose to become surrogate mothers. Surrogate motherhood is an emotional issue that many people simply do not understand. Why do women choose to become surrogate mothers? There are conflicting viewpoints on this issue. Some women choose to become surrogate mothers simply for the fees involved; however, there are other surrogates who do it because they truly care about childless couples. Surrogacy may not be for every woman, but there are very valid reasons to support surrogate motherhood, including giving childless couples a chance at parenthood. Surrogate motherhood should not be monetarily related, and women should not be paid for their surrogacy services.

Surrogate mothers serve as artificial mothers for parents who cannot conceive and/or carry children on their own. Sometimes, the parents have healthy sperm and egg cells, but for some reason the mother cannot carry a baby to term. In this case, the eggs and sperm are harvested and they are implanted into the surrogate. In other cases, the woman's eggs are not healthy, and the male's sperm is used to fertilize the surrogate's egg, which the surrogate then carries to full term and delivers a baby. Either way, the surrogate carries the child for nine months, and then relinquishes the baby to the natural parents. In the United States and much of Europe, this is a legal procedure, and the surrogate receives a fee for carrying the baby. This is wrong. A woman should not carry a baby for money, no matter what the reason, and many experts agree.

First, surrogacy is in reality "buying" a baby, and paying someone else to carry it for you. It is simply wrong to trade in human lives, which is nothing more than a form of slavery, even if it is paid for and both parties agree. Trading in human lives sets a dangerous precedent, and one that can be perverted if at all possible. For example, a woman may be totally capable of carrying a child, as she is born to do, but she does not want the hassle, commitment, or health issues a pregnancy can create. She simply hires someone to carry the baby for her - "no muss no fuss." Women were created to carry children and nurture them, and passing the duty off on someone else, simply because they can, is not natural or nurturing at all.

The commercial aspects of buying a baby are extremely disturbing, as well. Another writer notes "Surrogacy will inevitably become commercialized. The result of commercial surrogacy will be that only the rich can afford to buy babies in this way. That is not the way that parenthood should be decided" (Sather 170). Indeed, parenthood should not be decided on who is wealthy enough to afford the high costs of surrogacy (see below). Parenthood should be decided by a loving couple who are emotionally and financially ready to have a child, and on the ability to have that child. Parents who choose surrogacy are "playing God," in effect, because they are circumventing nature and what God intended. If a person cannot conceive, or their eggs are not fertile, there is a reason for that, and circumventing that fact is going against the laws of nature and fate.

There is another very disturbing aspect of the financial aspects of surrogacy. Disadvantaged women may seize on surrogacy as a way out of their financial problems, without proper concern or care for the child itself. They may agree to anything legal, simply as a way to gain additional funds. In other cases, people could prey on disadvantaged women, and coerce them into carrying a baby as a way to end their financial woes. Another text notes, "Additionally, it is feared that when a women is persuaded to enter a surrogacy arrangement by the prospect of payment may not have considered the extent of the emotional and physical risks entailed and thus not made a fully informed decision" (Dooley, McCarthy, Garanis-Papadatos, and Dalla-Yorgia 56). When a couple goes through a surrogacy clinic, there are psychological and physical tests given to the surrogate to ensure she is a good candidate for surrogacy, but people could bypass this step, and disadvantaged women could become prey in the surrogacy cycle.

In some cases, when the mother's egg is not fertile, a husband's sperm will be used with the surrogate's egg, which means the child is only one half of the parents' own biological child, and one half the surrogates. This is really no different than the husband sleeping with another woman to create a child, except the sperm is inserted into the surrogate artificially. The child is not truly the biological child of the two parents, and again, they are playing God in their attempts to have a child, at any cost. How will the child feel when he or she grows up and discovers the truth about their birth, and their parentage? Will the child resent the parents because of the unusual nature of the conception? Will the child demand to know the surrogate, and will he or she have a bond with the surrogate because of the time spent in the womb? These are all issues that could come back to haunt the parents, and the child.

In addition, surrogacy is not cheap because of a wide variety of costs, from legal fees to psychological testing of the surrogate mother, and many other fees, including up to $20,000 in surrogate fees to the mothers. Some surrogate mothers do not charge this fee, but there are still many other fees, from mandatory life insurance policies on the surrogate, to clothing allowances for maternity clothing (Litz). Clearly, surrogacy is a business, and businesses exist only to make money, no matter how heartwarming and humanitarian they may seem.

There is also the very real issue of surrogates carrying the child and then refusing to give the child up to the people who paid for it. A surrogate Web site notes this happens "less than 1% of the time" (Litz), but the realities are that it happens, and it can happen at any time, especially if the surrogate does not accept money for her role. She may come to feel so close to the baby that she cannot give it up, no matter what, and she may even return the money, if she took a fee. Author Sather continues, "Important biological and emotional links are made between mother and baby when it is in the womb-these will add to the pain and confusion for both the surrogate mother and the baby" (Sather 171). Think of the heartbreak and anxiety for a family. They have lovingly prepared everything, they are ready for their baby to come home, and then they never see that baby.

There is another aspect to this debate that is totally emotional, but valid all the same. As any mother knows, there is something intensely personal and even spiritual about carrying a baby inside your own body. Just about any mother will tell you this is the case. Carrying a child to term and delivering it creates a lasting and very emotional bond in most women, and in the children, as well. Using a third party for this part of the process adds a "third wheel" to the entire family unit, and this can be uncomfortable for many parents. In fact, it can often serve to alienate the father from the two women, who form a common "pregnant" bond, even though both the women are not actually pregnant. The mother may not have developed as much of a bond with a child she did not actually carry, and this might even harm the mother-child relationship, as the child grows older. In any case, the family has not reached family status in a "normal" way, and it could have intense ramifications in the future.

Because of this, the surrogate and "real" (often called "commissioning") parent are often thrown together in a relationship of necessity, where the real mother attempts to experience as much of the pregnancy as she possibly can. Four authors note, "This extensive involvement of the commissioning mother and the feeling of a shared pregnancy can help the commissioning mother in a traditional or straight surrogacy situation come to terms with the fact that she will not be the genetic mother of the child" (Dooley, McCarthy, Garanis-Papadatos, and Dalla-Yorgia 59). This can create tension between the husband and wife and the surrogate, or create an artificial relationship between the parties. It can also lead to misunderstandings after the birth, especially if the surrogate desires continued contact with the child, which they can demand. This could eventually drive a wedge between the family, and make the child uncomfortable, confused, or conflicted. Clearly, one of the issues with surrogacy is that the relationship does not simply end when the baby is born. Some surrogates may want to be involved in the child's life that they helped create, and this can be increasingly difficult as time goes on.

Of course, not all surrogate mothers are motivated by monetary gain. Some surrogates know the couple, and volunteer their services. Others do it simply because they want to help a couple that is childless. Four authors continue, "One woman said, ' I wanted to do something that was out of the ordinary and that made me a little bit special'" (Dooley, McCarthy, Garanis-Papadatos, and Dalla-Yorgia 57). In other cases, the surrogate may be a friend or relative of the couple, and is helping them because they care for them and want to help. There are many motives for surrogacy, and if the motives are good and pure, there is little to argue with or dispute. A doctor who studied the motives of surrogate women notes, "The 'average' surrogate emerges as a white mother with a fair amount of education and income. As a group, they cannot be described as destitute or living in poverty, and do not need the fee being paid them for basic survival. On average, they do not report being under serious financial pressure" (Aigen). Surrogacy in itself can be a valuable aspect of a couple's life and happiness, and it may be the only way some couples can have a child to call their own. It is the issue of payment that is so onerous with surrogacy, and the fact that at least some women become surrogates only for their own monetary gain.