Active Listening and Compassion in Counseling Practice

Introduction and the Need for Counseling

We live in a complex world today. People are often faced with difficulties that seem insurmountable. This complexity is both fortunate and unfortunate. Difficult as life can be, there is an increasing array of potential solutions. Some people find solace at their workplace, with life's difficulties driving them to greater productivity. Others use their misfortune as a platform for helping others in creative ways. For some, however, life becomes so overwhelming that they simply cannot deal with the challenges they face on a daily basis. For such people, it is often helpful to seek the assistance of a counselor.

It is for such counselors that author Gary Collins wrote Christian Counseling. His ideas on the nature and core of counseling can stimulate ideas not only about how the counselor can use existing skills to ensure that clients are helped effectively, but also about what skills and techniques are still lacking that the counselor may need to develop.

Active Listening as a Core Counseling Skill

In reading "The Core of Counseling," one of the techniques that will help me be an effective counselor is listening. In order to truly be able to help someone, the skill that will help most is active listening. As a counselor, it is important not only to hear what a client is saying, but also to think carefully about it. According to Martin (2014), the two most basic skills a counselor needs are active listening and responding appropriately to a client. One can only respond appropriately if one has listened actively to what the client has to say.

This approach makes the client feel that his or her problems are not being trivialized, and that there are legitimate struggles to address through the counseling process. It is important for the client to feel this way because it will energize the healing process. It is only when the client believes that there is healing to be done that such a process can begin. The work of a counselor is to help the client see ways in which healing, improvement, and positive change can be achieved.

Demonstrating Active Listening in Practice

One way to demonstrate active listening is to show genuine interest in what the client has to say about his or her life. This can be done by asking thoughtful questions that arise during the client's narrative. The best time to ask these questions is typically when there is a pause in the client's story. By waiting until the client has finished speaking and then pausing briefly before asking questions, the counselor respects the client's pace and space.

The questions asked should serve to clarify the situation, and in doing so, they help the client understand his or her own situation more clearly. By asking questions and allowing the client sufficient time and a safe space to provide responses, the counselor can help make the problem clearer for the client while also assisting in finding solutions. By keeping the communication open and respectful, the counselor establishes a professional relationship based on trust.

Personal Strengths: Active Listening and Compassion

This is especially important during the first session. A positive experience during the initial meeting will help the client to trust the counselor and the process in all future sessions. This will further stimulate the process of healing and change, which is the need the client recognized that brought him or her to seek counseling in the first place. Applying active listening skills is one of the most important skills a counselor can cultivate to help clients access their own core ability to drive the change they need.

Currently, active listening is probably the counseling skill that I have and use most regularly. Friends and family have often told me that I am a "good listener." This is because I have cultivated the skills described above. I have a strong desire to find out what difficulties someone is facing and to see if I can help. I have often sat down and simply listened to a friend or colleague talk about a problem. Sometimes, this is all that is needed.

At other times, people are looking for advice. To determine which is needed, all I need to do is listen and ask questions about the person's needs and expectations regarding their situation. Another talent I have that will help me in the counseling profession is compassion. I have great respect for those who face difficulties in life, especially when they look for help when they feel they can no longer face these difficulties alone.

This compassion stems from recognizing that it is not always easy to admit one's own need for help. When a person actively seeks out counseling, it shows tremendous strength of personality—the recognition that one needs assistance, but also that assistance is available and the problem has potential solutions. As a counselor, my job will be to identify the solutions that will best suit my client's needs.

Conclusion: Balancing Compassion with Professional Distance

I believe that my ability to listen actively is my strongest counseling skill, followed closely by my capacity for compassion. The latter, however, needs to be cultivated in such a way that I do not disadvantage myself by becoming overly attached to any particular client or problem. This would also disadvantage my clients. I need to find and retain a balance between my capacity for compassion and an appropriate professional distance, allowing both my clients and myself to benefit from a sustainable, effective counseling relationship.