Effects of Divorce on Children: Development and Well-Being

There is much controversy regarding divorce and the impact that it has on children. While some consider that it does not affect children negatively, others believe that it has a particularly harmful impact on their upbringing and on their later lives. Divorce traumatizes children and is very likely to be responsible for a great deal of negative outcomes. However, while children are recognized as victims of divorce, most of them gradually recover from this trauma and develop into individuals who are perfectly able to integrate into society from a psychological, social, and academic perspective.

The broader public may consider that this makes it difficult to oppose divorce simply because it negatively affects a limited number of children. The truth, however, is that conditions are critical when considering those specific children and the way that they develop over time.

Research regarding the effects of divorce on children has traditionally focused on the first two years of a child's life following the divorce. This limited focus prevented researchers from understanding the issue from a broader perspective, given that the first years after a divorce tend to involve great distress for both the child and his or her parents. In order to gain a fuller understanding of the effects of divorce on children, researchers need to study individuals over a prolonged period of time and compare them with children who grow up in intact families. This can be accomplished by analyzing adults in contemporary society who experienced parental divorce several decades ago, as such studies are likely to generate meaningful data concerning the actual long-term effects that divorce has on children.

The number of divorces today far exceeds the number recorded in the nineteenth century. Several factors contribute to this increase, including women's growing financial independence from men and a cultural shift toward marrying for personal fulfillment rather than social obligation. Divorce has become one of the principal elements damaging society, given its documented effects on both adults and children. This is especially concerning because "adults and children from divorced families, as a group, score lower than their counterparts in married-couple families on a variety of indicators of well-being" (Amato).

It is difficult to determine whether divorce is ultimately beneficial in a given situation, since a person may experience distress as a consequence of conflict or abuse within the family while parents are still together. To a certain degree, children may be better off when parents separate under such circumstances, as it would be harmful to subject them to ongoing conflict simply to preserve the appearance of an intact family. Irreconcilable differences are in most cases the principal reason parents decide to separate, and it is difficult for outsiders to fully understand the problems within a couple's relationship. Such factors lead many parents to feel that their actions are justifiable and that they are doing what is best for themselves and their children. Even so, because children are rarely the cause of a divorce, they are typically its victims — unable in most cases to intervene or to express their views on their parents' decisions.

Divorce transcends culture, personal conviction, and religious philosophy; it is a significant feature of contemporary society regardless of the values associated with the concept. The extent to which divorce has been accepted is reflected in the following statistics:

(Long-Term Effects of Divorce on Children)

People are generally inclined to think of divorce as a relatively simple process in which two people part ways and continue their lives without major difficulty. In reality, it is far more complex, encompassing a wide range of events that erode the feelings partners once had for each other. Couples eventually come to accept that there is no reasonable way to resolve their differences and turn to divorce as the only means of reducing stress. Children can be more or less affected by a divorce depending on several important factors that determine their capacity to understand and cope with the situation.

Elements such as age and gender are particularly influential in shaping a divorce's effect on a child. Even so, when the circumstances surrounding a divorce exceed an individual's ability to cope, even resilient children may find themselves unable to manage their emotions. Many parents unwittingly subject their children to increased pressure during a divorce, making it especially difficult for children to reconcile the family they knew with the new reality they face.

Gender is a determining factor in how children cope with parental separation. Because children most commonly live with their mothers following a divorce — since authorities generally consider this arrangement to be in the child's best interest — boys often struggle with the absence of their fathers. Without a same-gender role model, boys may find it increasingly difficult to develop in a healthy way. Fathers who are awarded custody of school-age boys are generally better equipped to address the challenges these children face and can more effectively teach them to manage aggressive impulses. Boys in paternal custody arrangements are also less likely to experience emotional problems than those living with their mothers. Similarly, girls raised by their mothers tend to develop a stronger sense of responsibility and maturity. All things considered, while gender matters in the context of single-parent households, the quality of the parent-child relationship is equally significant in shaping a child's development (The Effects of Divorce on Children).

Young children are unable to fully comprehend the chain of events leading to their parents' divorce and tend to feel severely affected by no longer having both parents in the home. Paradoxically, their confusion may actually reduce the likelihood of long-term negative effects. "However, problems may occur if a close relationship or bond between a parent and child is broken. Parents should agree on parenting and childcare arrangements so the child does not grow up experiencing conflict between his or her parents" (The Effects of Divorce on Children).

Preadolescent and adolescent children face greater pressures than younger children. They understand the divorce, but they are unwilling to accept their parents' perspective. While they may appear to accept the decision, they are often concealing their true feelings (Long-Term Effects of Divorce on Children). A preadolescent or teenager may come to believe that the departing parent is abandoning the family and is not making sufficient effort to resolve the conflict. The child may feel compelled to take control of the situation and may exhibit extreme behavior in an attempt to do so.

A child may become drawn to high-risk activities, or conversely may strive for perfection, in the belief that such behavior could reunite the family. Older children may also develop the conviction that they will never be capable of sustaining a long-term relationship themselves. In addition, they are likely to mature more rapidly, feeling that they alone can still improve the family's circumstances (DeBord).

Children are also affected by the financial consequences of divorce. They are generally unaware of the importance of money and may suffer when a single parent can no longer afford goods or activities the family previously enjoyed. This can lead children to feel that the custodial parent is unwilling to meet their needs, when in reality that parent faces significant financial constraints. Resources that were once directed at entertainment and leisure must be redirected toward essential expenses.

Meanwhile, the non-custodial parent, no longer responsible for day-to-day household expenses, may have greater financial flexibility to buy gifts and treats for the child. This dynamic can lead children to feel they are receiving less care and attention from the custodial parent. Parental competition for the child's affection can further complicate the child's emotional adjustment.