Effects of Divorce on Children: Therapy and Biblical Perspectives

Introduction

As Joshi, Connelly, and Rosenberg (2014) note, families consist of a social structure that depends upon consistency, stability, and principled foundations in order for the growth and development of family members to occur. When the family unit is disrupted, normative development becomes an issue. In the case of divorce, the infrastructure provided by a two-parent household is diminished as one spouse separates from the rest of the family. This is typically the outcome of an extremely stressful relationship between spouses, and in some ways the stress and events leading up to the divorce are just as impactful on children as the divorce itself (Strohschein, 2012). Taken as a whole, the subject of divorce and its effect on children is discussed in this paper, with a biblical perspective utilized to provide a Christian context for the issue and with attention to how various forms of therapy can help children of divorce overcome developmental challenges.

Findings: How Divorce Affects Children

There is no single way in which children across the board are impacted by divorce. Every case of divorce, like every family and every child, is unique. Socioeconomic conditions, roles, values, beliefs, customs, and expectations are all factors that shape the way divorce affects a child's development. As Siegel and Bryson (2012) observe, "our brain has many different parts with different jobs," and, when it comes to children, their brains are still in the developmental stage — meaning that everything they encounter in their environment has a bearing on that developmental process (p. 6). Thus, the amount of stress a child undergoes will naturally have consequences for psychosocial growth (Sandstrom & Huerta, 2013).

These findings are consistent with older research as well. Wallerstein (1991) shows that divorce can have long-term negative effects on children, noticed not only in psychological terms — ranging from insecurity to self-loathing — but also in social terms, such as withdrawal and anti-social behavior. Amato and Bruce (1991) corroborate this with their study from the same period. Likewise, Hetherington, Cox, and Cox (1985) demonstrate that the negative effects of divorce are long-lasting — their study followed subjects for up to six years post-divorce — and that certain negative impacts are specific to gender: boys are affected more negatively by divorce than girls, though boys are better at stabilizing externally while girls are better at stabilizing internally. What these older studies show is that recent research is consistent with findings from previous decades. In other words, little has changed in our understanding of how divorce impacts children; the ramifications remain clearly negative overall. What does differ, however, is that divorce is now more common, and the extenuating circumstances surrounding divorce are amplified and of equal if not greater importance, according to today's researchers (Sandstrom & Huerta, 2013).

One highlighted case of the extreme effects of divorce is that of Adam Lanza, the 20-year-old Newtown shooter, whose parents had divorced when he was a child. Shapiro and Noe (2015) point to the "long-term effects of their divorce" on Adam, compounded by poor judgment in handling his deteriorating mental and social condition, which ultimately led to an elementary school massacre (p. 12). This is, of course, not a typical outcome for children of divorce, but it does draw attention to extreme possibilities — especially in cases involving children who already exhibit elements of psychological distress, as Adam did prior to his parents' separation.

One of the central issues that impacted Adam's psychosocial development was the isolation he experienced following his parents' separation. Without siblings and with minimal contact with the outside world, Adam was raised primarily by his mother, who felt increasingly "at her wit's end," uncertain about how to "protect" him from the outside world and from his increasingly frequent fits of hysteria (Stone, 2015; Wachtel & Shorter, 2013). The denial of a dual-parenting familial system only served to exacerbate his condition. As Rice and Hoffman (2014) note, violent outbursts by "post-adolescent young males must be understood from a developmental perspective... such killings occur as the result of the adolescent's frustrated effort to progress along normative development" (p. 183). In other words, the trauma related to his parents' stressful relationship and ultimate divorce, experienced throughout his childhood, played a major role in stunting his developmental process — leading, tragically, to an explosive outcome.

The study by Farrell, Mays, Henry, and Schoeny (2011) indicates that parents are essential figures in the positive development of children — especially during adolescence, when children's environments are expanding and new obstacles, feelings, and experiences are encountered. The child's body and mind are changing during this phase, and parents can act as moderators — that is, as helpers to the child during the transition. This help can take the form of parental love, guidance, advice, expectations, discipline, motivation, support, friendship, and education (Farrell et al., 2011). Essentially, a dual-parent familial system provides a gender-based context for the child, with examples of the maturation process being demonstrated daily by the parents themselves. In a family that has not experienced divorce, the parental unit is whole and balanced; in a family affected by divorce, the evidence shows that the child is more likely to demonstrate lower well-being across various factors, from sociality and self-confidence to emotional and cognitive control (Amato & Bruce, 1991).

Still, this is not to suggest that all divorces produce the same outcomes; extreme cases such as that of Adam Lanza are rare. Moreover, external factors play as significant a role in child development as the stress of divorcing parents. Socioeconomic status, school environment, peers, involvement in activities outside the home, family integration, and parent-child relationships are all elements that influence development (Amato & Bruce, 1991). Siegel and Bryson (2012) further argue that a child is never overwhelmed solely by a single isolated event; rather, a "child's brain is constantly being wired and rewired" by experience (p. 7). In short, it is the sum of experiences that shapes a child's development, and the repetition of negative or positive environments is what most significantly molds that development overall.

As Tartari (2015) observes, the cognitive achievement of children tends to suffer when their parents divorce. Tartari views this correlation as stemming from parents becoming less invested in their children's lives as their own lives pull them in different directions. The literal separation from the home creates a physical barrier to investment in terms of time, care, proximity, and guidance. Children who split time between parents are more likely to benefit from each parent's involvement, provided that the time is spent meaningfully and both parties remain engaged in each other's lives. However, the difficulty with this arrangement is that the child is acutely aware of the divide between parents, which can exacerbate the cognitive challenge of overcoming obstacles and reducing internal dissonance (Tartari, 2015). For a child still developing a framework for understanding the world and his or her own place in it, this dissociation between parents can be significantly damaging to overall cognitive development.

Conclusion

In conclusion, children can be adversely impacted by divorce, as divorce creates a fracture in the traditional and biblical two-parent family structure that promotes and facilitates normative development for family members. Children are particularly vulnerable to the effects of divorce because of their impressionable age, because their minds and bodies are still developing, and because their need for a solid, stable family structure to help them navigate life's challenges is both critical and critically undermined when they are separated from the two-parent system. Moreover, the stress that leads parents to divorce can be just as impactful on a child's psychology — if not more so — as can the surrounding environmental factors, including the ability to rely on siblings, engage with both parents consistently, participate in the outside world, and develop cognitive skills through play and other therapeutic forms such as storytelling.

From the biblical perspective, divorce is clearly condemned, as it does "violence" to those who should otherwise be protected by the nature of the family's structure. In the end, the lasting effects of divorce can be mitigated through counseling, appropriate therapy, and the involvement of both parents in the child's life. In this manner, the child's whole-brain development can be most effectively secured, and the negative consequences of divorce substantially reduced.