This paper examines the complex role of social media—particularly Facebook—in modern romantic relationships. It analyzes negative effects including jealousy triggered by online interactions, partner surveillance enabled by accessible profile information, and relational uncertainty arising from ambiguous social media communications. The paper also explores positive aspects, especially for long-distance couples who rely on technology and social media to maintain connection. Using relational dialectics theory and communication research, the paper argues that while excessive social media use can create relationship problems, these platforms are essential for geographically separated partners and can strengthen relationships when used mindfully.
In recent years, social media has become increasingly prevalent throughout the United States. Communication has evolved dramatically—from basic language and markings to modern technologies such as cellphones and computers. Before frequent technology use became common in the U.S., people developed relationships through face-to-face interaction, relying on verbal communication and emotional expression. Today, many people interact through non-face-to-face channels such as technology and social media.
People connect to new social networks daily, primarily through Facebook. Online social networking sites (SNS) attempt to recreate face-to-face communication on the Internet by allowing people to interact in public or private ways. These platforms enable users to develop or maintain relationships with individuals through a simple click of a button. However, as exposure to such sites increases, so do potential risks to romantic relationships. Partners can see vast amounts of information posted on each other's profiles—information they may not have wanted to see. They can observe who their partner communicates with daily, which some people find threatening or problematic. When a partner becomes uncertain about their partner's actions or future, they may use SNS for surveillance. A partner may also become jealous and seek answers. Uncertainty, surveillance, and jealousy are interconnected phenomena.
Excessive social media and technology usage could ultimately lead to uncertainty in relationships, jealousy, and surveillance of partners due to experiences caused by technology use. Yet social media also serves important functions in maintaining romantic bonds, especially across geographic distance.
Social networking sites can be powerful tools for expressing romantic commitment. Couples can update various amounts of information to reflect their relationship status. Providing information about one's relationship on a profile helps increase satisfaction within the relationship and often marks a significant turning point. According to Fox, Osborn, and Warber, making a relationship "Facebook official" creates contentment: "Going Facebook official (FBO) is a meaning-making act for the couple and simultaneously conveys meaning to the network. It represents a significant intersection of three dialectics: a change in the relationship (stability-change) wherein partners publicly announce (privacy-expression) their togetherness as a couple (integration-separation)" (530).
Three types of relational dialectics help explain Facebook's influence on relationships. The first is expression-privacy, which describes the tension couples face between sharing personal information and keeping private information protected. The second is stability-change, reflecting how partners judge their relationship amid uncertainty. The third is integration-separation, which defines the relationship through a sense of unity while maintaining individual identity. Fox, Osborn, and Warber argue that going FBO helps solidify the relationship. Without this profile feature, doubts may arise.
Papp similarly explains how profile pictures function as relationship markers: "dating partners portrayed their relationships held importance for relationship functioning, with both male displays of partnered status and females' inclusion of their partner in the profile picture linked to greater satisfaction" (88). The information open to friends, family, or the public is an important factor in relationships. Couples tend to display their relationships by featuring themselves and their partner in profile photos. A picture showing a romantic situation demonstrates relationship value through displayed affection. This expression illustrates the importance couples place on their bond. Not appearing in a partner's profile photo creates doubt. To achieve relational satisfaction, couples must provide information about their significant other on their profiles.
Jealousy is an emotion provoked by events involving a significant other. More love and passion typically result in greater jealousy. Relationship factors and individual characteristics contribute to jealous feelings. Utz defines jealousy as "the emotional reaction on a threat to the relationship, and is one of the most prevalent, but also one of the most potentially destructive emotions in romantic relationships" (513).
Three types of jealousy exist: reactive, anxious, and possessive. Reactive jealousy refers to emotional reactions such as anger and sadness in response to emotional or sexual infidelity. Anxious jealousy involves worry about possible infidelity. Possessive jealousy includes monitoring behavior and attempts to prevent a partner from having opposite-sex friendships. When someone perceives another person as a threat to their relationship, jealousy emerges and motivates questioning. This feeling persists until the perceived threat is neutralized.
Cohen explains that jealousy stems from self-esteem: "Because it can lead to negative relationship outcomes, jealousy is often considered a detrimental aspect of interpersonal relationships... defines jealousy as a 'complex of thoughts, feelings, and actions which follow threats to self-esteem and/or threats to the existence or quality of the relationship'" (536). Most often, people become jealous due to low self-esteem, fearing their partner will leave for someone better. Though jealousy is psychological, it can consume a person. If questions about threats go unanswered, jealousy may damage or ruin the relationship, making it a highly destructive emotion.
Research generally supports that jealousy leads to relationship dissatisfaction. Jealousy from Facebook is linked to actual jealousy experiences in offline relationships as well. Elphinston explains why jealousy may stem from Facebook: "For individuals in romantic relationships, where both partners are members of Facebook, relationship problems such as jealousy and dissatisfaction may emerge, especially when Facebook intrudes a person's daily life... the information shared between Facebook friends can be ambiguous and perceived by a relationship partner as threatening" (632). Facebook intrusion includes three aspects: withdrawal (grief from inability to access Facebook), relapse and reinstatement (unsuccessful efforts to reduce use), and euphoria (the feeling of connection when using Facebook). These aspects can significantly change one's life.
On Facebook, information is readily accessible with a single click. The more time one spends on Facebook, the more information one encounters. This may cause misunderstandings, questions, and jealousy. Any of one's Facebook friends may message or write on one's wall, saying anything they choose. Depending on what is written, a partner may misinterpret the message and perceive the person as a threat. Facebook jealousy creates relationship problems. Bindley supports this view, noting: "consider this: A 2009 study suggested Facebook makes 'unique contributions to the experience of jealousy in romantic relationships.' Divorce attorneys say Facebook flirtations are frequently cited in their cases" (1). Facebook presents significant problems in committed relationships, with many cases of jealousy stemming from adding too many friends or communicating with numerous people. Sometimes individuals cross lines by posting inappropriate messages or flirty comments, directly linking to jealousy. If a person represents a threat or red flag, it may be necessary to delete them from your friends list or confront the issue with your partner before escalation. Anything on a partner's Facebook that causes discomfort should be addressed before it worsens. Jealousy can provoke negative thoughts about a partner and the relationship overall.
Partner surveillance via social networking sites is a factor that may contribute to a relationship's deterioration. Surveillance occurs when partners gather information about each other through SNS platforms. Information is readily accessible through various media: textual messages, photos, links, and audio or video clips. SNSs allow archiving of profile information, enabling partners to view past posts, photos, and interactions with others.
Cohen explains that jealous partners tend to take action: "Behavioral jealousy consists of protective or surveillance actions that individuals engage to interfere with romantic partners and potential rivals, or to 'check up on romantic partners'" (536). When a partner perceives someone as a potential threat, surveillance follows. The partner examines both the threat's profile and their partner's profile, reviewing previous posts, photos, and relationship history with the threat. Fox and Warber note the benefits of surveillance: "The target may never know that she or he is under surveillance by the partner. Thus, Facebook's affordances enable partners to gather information via IES, which may answer questions about the relationship or, conversely, lead to more" (4). The advantage of social networking sites is that partners can investigate discreetly without being detected. Surveillance remains completely anonymous as long as one avoids clicking anything that would reveal viewing. This anonymity makes surveillance useful for couples seeking information they cannot directly ask about. Such surveillance could resolve previous relationship issues or create new ones.
Surveillance also has negative consequences, especially when incorporated into daily routines. Constant monitoring can create an unhealthy relationship dynamic, turning what could be a tool for reassurance into a source of control and distrust.
Uncertainty in relationships is common. When a partner is unsure about their partner's actions, they experience relational uncertainty. Stewart explains how this emerges: "FB may yield complications to maintenance norms and present challenges for partners due to the potential risk of creating uncertainty via online interactions" (14). Facebook and similar platforms create uncertainty in relationships. Once a partner sees something unexpected, doubt emerges about the relationship. Any post from a person the partner didn't know about can cause uncertainty. Prevention requires eliminating online interactions entirely, which is unrealistic. Fox and Warber claim that relational uncertainty increases surveillance: "One predictor that has been shown to increase levels of monitoring within relationships is relational uncertainty. This uncertainty stems from perceptions of ambiguity within the relationship, such as not knowing if the partner is serious about the relationship" (4). Partners are more likely to engage in surveillance if unsure about the other's commitment, or if they question the relationship's future or their partner's feelings and intentions. If a partner explores their partner's profile and finds reassuring information about relationship status, it may alleviate uncertainty and doubt.
Uncertainty evolves from many aspects of social media, particularly relationship statuses. Papp explains this option: "Specifically, Facebook users are provided with multiple options to build their profile and disclose information concerning their dating relationship, such as revealing their relationship status and showing their partner in a profile picture" (86). Users can link their significant other to their profile and feature them in profile photos. One partner might question whether their significant other is "the one." Lacking these displays could create complications. However, Utz believes these factors strengthen relationships: "Therefore, we think that SNS use can also strengthen romantic relationships. SNS can be used to display signs of commitment, for example, when a new partner sets the relationship status to 'in a relationship'... people publicly display their affection on SNS and that partners value these public signs of affection" (516). When statuses and profile displays appear online, partners view them positively. It creates happiness and provides reassurance about the relationship, helping address misunderstandings and uncertainty. Couples also value public displays of affection (PDA) from their partners, which make them feel loved and cared for. These signs contribute to happier, stronger relationships.
A long-distance relationship (LDR), also called a long-distance romantic relationship (LDRR), is typically an intimate relationship between partners separated by geographic distance, unable to meet frequently. Partners face geographic separation and lack of face-to-face contact. Fox, Osborn, and Warber note that SNSs can create problems: "Romantic partners are able to connect with each other and integrate their social networks on Facebook, but some struggle to maintain privacy and independence. As such, SNSs can be a site of and trigger for romantic conflict" (527).
Social networking sites usually help people stay connected. One can communicate with family or friends, near or far, easily staying in touch without face-to-face meetings. This is common in romantic relationships, but excess information on SNSs such as Facebook may cause complications. Too much information—pictures, posts from friends—may make people feel they lack privacy, implementing relationship problems. In long-distance relationships, the dynamic reverses entirely. According to Giridharadas, social networking and technology are essential to long-distance relationships: "Far-flung lovers once took solace in sharing the same big sky. Now they take it in sharing the little screen. They count down—3, 2, 1—to begin 'Breaking Bad' at the same second, while Facebook-messaging about it on another slice of the laptop screen. While glimpsing each other's faces on cellphone video chat" (1). Technology and social media truly help in long-distance relationships, keeping couples connected when in-person contact is rare. They enable partners to see each other essentially face-to-face. LDR couples may establish weekly rituals such as watching shows together, meaning they watch at the same moment and video chat simultaneously—called sync-watching. Social media and technology keep LDR couples connected and mentally healthy. While social media may complicate regular relationships, it is essential for long-distance couples.
Many communication types support long-distance relationships, including cell phones, video chatting, and Facebook. Baym discusses a less popular but potentially valuable form: "Email has been shown to support and maintain meaningful relationships, especially in long-distance relationships and for those wherein relational partners lack the time to achieve face-to-face contact" (736). Email is more personal than text messaging, resembling handwritten letters from earlier times. It is more formal, private, and intimate. One can share deeply in an email, whereas text messages feel inadequate. This matters in long-distance relationships where partners treasure each moment since they see each other infrequently. In contrast, Castillo claims that both long-distance and geographically close relationships use similar communication forms: "Interestingly, e-mail was used equally by those who lived together and those who were in long-distance relationships. It was also deemed the least romantic form of communication" (2). Email is not the most used communication form today due to technology's vast array of options. It appears email usage is similar across all relationship types and can be misinterpreted equally. For example, long-distance couples must discuss any issues they face. Since emails may be easily misinterpreted, maintaining open communication lines is essential to keeping the relationship healthy. Though email is useful in long-distance relationships, misunderstandings may occur and create problems. LDR difficulties are hard to overcome due to lack of face-to-face contact.
Social networking sites such as Facebook and technology overall are changing how couples maintain relationships. These platforms offer numerous features: viewing old photos, conversing with millions privately or publicly, viewing anyone's profile, and much more with a single click. Social networking sites make it easy for romantic couples to stay connected whether near or far. However, these same features create relationship complications. One may become jealous as online interaction increases. Seeing someone communicate with a partner may prompt perception of that person as a threat or danger. Partners may also engage in surveillance and monitoring. With vast online information, one can check a partner anytime to gather information or see whom they're talking to. Surveillance's advantage is its anonymity. Relational uncertainty also emerges—people become uncertain when unclear about a partner's intentions or actions.
Nevertheless, social networking sites and technology are not always harmful. In long-distance relationships, partners use varied communication to stay connected. Living far apart means partners cherish every conversation moment, whether phone calls or emails. Although social media has many negatives, positives exist as well. Based on previous experiences, excessive time on social networking sites and technology can eventually lead to jealousy, surveillance, and uncertainty. The key is finding balance and using these tools intentionally rather than allowing them to dominate relationship dynamics.
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