Family Development, Child-Rearing, and Healthy Upbringing

Introduction: Family Stability and Child Development

What makes a family functional and productive rather than dysfunctional and psychologically disruptive? Researchers in the fields of lifespan and family development have identified a number of factors that can enhance family stability and, therefore, support the secure and healthy upbringing of children. When some of these factors are missing or not handled correctly, young people can develop low self-esteem, which may lead to a wide range of personal and social problems. The author of this paper is a 27-year-old male with an 18-year-old brother. Despite the significant age gap between them, their parents provided a strong, healthy, and loving childhood by offering the support needed for both children to personally succeed.

One of the earliest family development professionals was Urie Bronfenbrenner. Three decades ago, he stated: "The human family is the most powerful, the most humane, and by far the most economical system known for making and keeping human beings human." Bronfenbrenner identified five key principles for raising healthy children (Haimowitz, 1973, pp. 37–54).

Bronfenbrenner's Five Principles for Raising Healthy Children

The first principle is often the most difficult for parents, yet is essentially the most important: they must take care of their own psychological and physical needs so they can manage stress and deal with the challenges presented by their children and family as a whole. The author's parents often spent time with friends and other family members, and regularly talked with each other about their personal and work difficulties so that these issues would affect their children as little as possible.

Once a parent sheds some of his or her stress, it becomes much easier to nurture their children, as Bronfenbrenner noted. A child must be loved and cherished in order to develop self-esteem and the ability to become an independent, caring individual. Although the author's parents sometimes said things they would have liked to take back, on the whole they provided positive support and always made it clear that their children were respected for being themselves. However, they were careful not to over-praise — the children also learned their weaknesses and were expected to make tough decisions.

This leads into the third principle: guiding children, which is fundamentally different from simply telling them what to do. In some cases, especially when safety is concerned, parents must be firm — for example, the author's parents would not allow him and his brother to ride their bikes on a busy street. In other situations, however, it is more beneficial for adults to offer guidance rather than issue direct commands. Parents who guide teach by example, set clear parameters, and involve children in limit-setting and other age-appropriate processes. This requires a working knowledge of what is developmentally appropriate at various stages of childhood.

Bronfenbrenner also stated that children need an "irrational relationship" with their parents — they require mothers and fathers who think the world of them and believe they are better than any other children. This "irrational" love is demonstrated by being a strong advocate for one's child, even when others disagree. On several occasions, the author's parents spoke with teachers — particularly when a note or phone call arrived regarding something in class — and worked collaboratively to find a resolution. They entered those meetings with an open mind rather than a predetermined bias against their children.

Lastly, a child needs to be motivated. He or she must receive positive reinforcement about particular talents, yet also be encouraged to take the next steps and develop those abilities further. The author recalls one instance when he wanted to try out for an enrichment class and had to complete a special assignment. He became frustrated and considered quitting. His mother said, "I don't care if you write the assignment in crayons — you need to finish what you started." After much struggle, he completed the project and felt proud of his results.

Sigmund Freud developed the idea that children pass through similar stages on their way to adulthood. Erik Erikson (Coles, 1970, pp. 128–131) built on this idea with his personality theory, which stipulated eight stages — five occurring before adulthood — that individuals pass through in their development. Future problems can arise if parents do not fulfill their responsibilities at each step.

Erikson's Stages of Personality Development

The first stage, infancy or the oral-sensory stage, encompasses the first year to year and a half of life. The developmental task is to establish trust. If parents provide the newborn with a degree of familiarity, consistency, and continuity, the child will develop a sense that the world is a safe place and that people are reliable and loving. If parents are unreliable, rejecting, or harmful, the child will instead develop mistrust.

The second stage is the anal-muscular stage of early childhood, from approximately eighteen months to three or four years of age. The task is to achieve a degree of autonomy while minimizing shame and doubt. When parents permit the toddler to explore and manipulate the environment, the child develops a sense of independence. Conversely, if parents harshly discourage any attempt to explore, the child may easily develop a sense of shame.

Stage three is the genital-locomotor stage, or play age, spanning from roughly three or four years to five or six. The task is to develop initiative without excessive guilt — this involves taking on responsibilities, learning new skills, and feeling purposeful. Parents can encourage initiative by supporting children in trying out their ideas. If children are not held accountable when attempting something new, they may feel guilty and have difficulty taking initiative in the future.

Stage four is the latency stage, or the school-age period, from approximately six to twelve years. The goal is to develop a capacity for industry while avoiding a sense of inferiority. An imbalance — too little or too much focus on industry — can make young people either fearful of taking chances or prone to acting grown-up before they are ready.

Stage five is adolescence, beginning with puberty and concluding around eighteen to twenty years of age. The task is to achieve ego identity and avoid role confusion. It was adolescence that interested Erikson most, and the patterns he observed here formed the basis of his thinking about all the other stages. Ego development means understanding how one fits into society. It requires a person to take everything learned about life and shape it into a unified self-image that his or her community finds meaningful. Without this, an individual is likely to experience role confusion — an uncertainty about one's place in society and the world. When an adolescent is confronted with role confusion, Erikson describes it as an identity crisis. Indeed, adolescents commonly ask themselves, "Who am I?"

When the author went through puberty, he was unsure of himself, as many boys that age are. Although he rebelled at times, his parents helped him identify his strengths and continue developing his self-esteem. He navigated that period successfully as a result. His younger brother had a difficult time during his senior year of high school, uncertain about what to study in college. Their parents helped him recognize that he still had time to make such important decisions, and that he might even benefit from waiting a year before enrolling in university.