Resolving Interpersonal Conflict Between Siblings

Introduction

Varying interests, scarcity of resources, and divergent opinions will always give rise to interpersonal conflicts. Such conflicts may be expressed in different ways, including through words, signs and gestures, or even silence (212books, n.d.).

I have an older brother. We have been very close since childhood. When our parents divorced, he was there for me, and I regarded him as a father figure. He always made sure I did the right thing and helped me sort out my problems. He guided me throughout childhood and adolescence and helped me gain admission to the university I currently attend. Like every other pair of siblings, we always had small disagreements, but things never got out of hand — not until early 2012, when I became very close to my brother and his girlfriend at the time, Yoojung.

Yoojung was a Korean native who had come to the United States to begin a semester abroad at a nearby college. She arrived about a month before her semester was set to start so she could familiarize herself with the campus environment. During this time, the three of us did many things together — hiking, parties, charity events, and concerts, among other activities. We had a great deal of fun together. However, after she completed her semester abroad, she returned to Korea, and because of the long distance, my brother and Yoojung broke up. My brother cut off all communication with her, and I did the same. A few months later, Yoojung sent me a message, just a few weeks before a graduation trip I had planned to Korea. We reconnected and had a wonderful time together, as though the year-long lapse in communication had never happened.

The Conflict and How It Arose

The conflict began when Michele, my brother's new girlfriend, discovered through my Instagram photos that I had reconnected with Yoojung. Michele was unhappy that I was still in contact with my brother's ex-girlfriend. She told my brother, and he became angry that I had spent time with Yoojung without his knowledge. He argued that I was making his life difficult and demanded that I remove the photos I had taken with Yoojung from my Instagram account. I felt that the decision was mine to make, and I refused. He responded by becoming abusive.

Emotions, Needs, and Desires of Each Person

My brother was furious and needed me to stand by his side. He could not think clearly during the conflict because all he could envision was the damage it might do to his relationship with Michele. As for me, my pride would not allow me to remove the photos, even at his request. I felt it was entirely within my rights to manage my own social media account as I chose. Throughout the conflict, I felt strongly that leaving the pictures up was justified, since Yoojung had always been a good friend to me and had been a good girlfriend to my brother. According to conflict management research, unmet emotional needs — such as the need for loyalty or respect — often drive escalation in close relationships.

Conclusion

Looking back, I think we were both just being difficult, and a sober, mindful discussion could have helped us avoid this conflict entirely. The experience taught me that in close relationships, small decisions — like what to post on social media — can carry unexpected emotional weight, and that open communication is almost always preferable to silence or confrontation.