Family of Origin: Systems, Attachment, and Divorce Patterns

Introduction

The family in which one is raised, shaped by the economic contributions and influence of parents, siblings, and grandparents, describes one's family of origin. The origin of one's family tends to influence the systems followed within that family and determines the degree to which family members can adapt to change. However, the family is considered to play a central role in the behavior and attitudes of individuals, who either follow the values and systems adapted by the family or strive to modify the ways in which they live (Engels, 1942). The family of origin is also influenced by both biological and divorced parents, who play significant roles during an individual's childhood and affect the lives of all family members.

The family of origin examined in this study comprises 12 members, as illustrated in the genogram in the appendix, and can be described as follows:

Sandy, a Mexican-American woman aged 55, lost her mother and married at age 16, having two daughters, Jennifer and Candace. Sandy later remarried Don and has a son, Don Selby III, aged 24. Don, an English-Irish-American aged 63, is married to Sandy and has contributed significantly to the parenting of her daughters and their shared son. Jennifer, Sandy's first daughter at age 38, has three children, is divorced, and manages their upbringing independently. She maintains close relationships with all family members, including her biological father. Candace, Sandy's second daughter at age 34, was previously married to a man, separated, and later remarried a woman with three daughters. She remains close to her parents and siblings, though less connected to her biological father, and has a closer bond with two of her three daughters. Don Selby III, the youngest family member at 24, is unmarried and closer to his mother than his father. He is particularly close to Candace and maintains a strong friendship with Jennifer's daughter Alena.

Family Hierarchy and Structure

Don serves as the family head and takes responsibility for major family decisions. However, he values and appreciates the opinions of his wife, Sandy, whom he credits with challenging and motivating him throughout life. According to personal communication, Don specifically stated that he wanted a wife who spoke her mind, was open-minded, and was not silent. Despite Sandy's challenges to him, Don acknowledged that life would have been boring without her. Don's role in parenting all three children has been substantial. His emphasis on the importance of education and independence has shaped his children to become self-reliant and educated individuals.

Don's parenting approach balances firmness with flexibility. Beyond strict oversight of daily activities, he recognized the importance of accepting his children's beliefs and opinions. This willingness to adapt his perspective while maintaining clear expectations has fostered stable and close relationships within the family, even across step-relationships. His involvement in the lives of his step-children demonstrates how engaged step-parenting can overcome typical challenges in blended families.

Family subsystems consist of small groups within the larger family that have their own rules, characteristics, and boundaries. Members of a subsystem remain independent while maintaining connections to the overall family unit (Rosenblatt & Gergen, 1994). This family contains two primary subsystems: Jennifer with her three children and Candace with her three children.

Jennifer's subsystem includes her eldest child, Alena (18 years old), Mica (8 years old), and Aubriella (3 years old). Jennifer married Mica's biological father, David Sanchez, and subsequently divorced. However, Alena and Aubriella share the same biological father. While Jennifer maintains strong connections to her parents and siblings, her primary responsibility centers on her children, establishing her role as nurturer, caretaker, and decision maker within her subsystem.

Candace's subsystem comprises her three daughters, all of whom she has accepted as her own. Candace functions as an independent woman whose siblings, nieces, and nephews seek her counsel and support. Her family members look to her for advice, establishing her as a key decision maker and nurturer in her subsystem.

Subsystems, Attachment, and Boundaries

Attachment Styles

Attachment refers to the degree to which individuals become distressed upon separation from someone or their ability to rely on that person for support (Rothbaum et al., 2002). In proper child development, a child must maintain a certain level of attachment to their caretaker and trust that the caretaker will provide protection and support, which is fundamental to successful development (Kozlowska & Hanney, 2002). This family demonstrates strong attachment patterns overall.

Jennifer exhibits strong bonds with her children, parents, biological father, and siblings. Her closest sibling bond is with Candace, and she functions as a mother figure to her brother, Don Selby III. Notably, Jennifer is the only child in the family who maintains a close relationship with her biological father. Candace remains close to her parents but distances herself from her biological father. She considers Jennifer her best friend and maintains a strong bond with Don Selby III. However, Candace reports closeness with only two of her three daughters, lacking a strong bond with her middle daughter.

Don Selby III, the youngest sibling, relies on parental and sibling support. He remains closer to his mother than his father and gravitates more toward Candace than Jennifer, though he maintains a close friendship with Jennifer's daughter, Alena. He occasionally resists Jennifer's maternal behavior toward him.

Family Boundaries

According to family systems theory, families maintain flexible intergenerational boundaries in which children receive care from adults and listen to parental guidance (Faber et al., 2003). In this family, both Don and Sandy contributed to childcare and household support—Don worked full time while Sandy worked part time. This shared responsibility resulted in children who became educated and independent individuals, indicating that the family maintains flexible intergenerational boundaries that allow for appropriate parental authority while fostering child autonomy.

This family demonstrates high adaptability across multiple dimensions. All members maintain a strong spiritual foundation rooted in religious faith, yet none are conservative in practice or belief. The parents' church involvement influenced their children, who grew up as believers but developed independent personalities and worldviews. This combination of shared values and individual expression is evident in family members' choices: some have tattoos, and Candace came out as a lesbian—choices that were accepted by all family members without conflict or rejection.

Family Adaptability

The family's adaptability increased as children became educated and independent. Sandy's open-mindedness and Don's appreciation of her willingness to challenge conventional thinking enabled both parents to evolve their perspectives and accept their children's decisions. This mutual growth and flexibility created an environment where differences could be acknowledged and integrated rather than creating rupture. Such adaptability is particularly important in blended families, where structural changes and diverse backgrounds require ongoing negotiation and acceptance.