Raising Toddlers: Discipline, Daycare, and Development

The Toddler Years: A Preview of Adolescence

Angry. Opinionated. Possessing a unique will and boundless curiosity. Ready to explore the world, regardless of whether his or her parents think they are ready to do so. Although this description may seem to fit the profile of a typical adolescent, it is also a fair description of toddlers. Toddlerhood is the first major stage of childhood development during which children learn to test their limits and grow as people by taking risks. As any parent knows, every toddler's favorite word is a decided "no," usually uttered in a very loud and declarative tone!

Parents are often frustrated during this period of their child's development as they try to strike a balance between encouraging the toddler's independence while still teaching good manners and enabling the child to function in school — and in society at large. Toddlerhood, in some ways, is harder on parents than on the young individuals themselves. It seems like only a few months ago that the parent had a quiet, snuggly baby who had just learned to sleep through the night and eat solid food. Now the toddler is intent upon exploring every corner of the home, tearing through rooms filled with fragile furniture, putting dangerous objects in their mouth, and refusing to eat anything other than their plastic toys and an older sibling's mud pies!

It is tempting for parents to want to yell and scream, just like toddlers themselves, in response to this sort of behavior. Toddlers are often aggressive and confrontational, and it is only natural for parents to want to respond in kind, no matter how much they love their child. However, even when a child's behavior seems irrational, it is essential that parents use time-outs as teaching opportunities — not simply as a method of getting peace and quiet.

Why Discipline Must Come With Explanation

Research on disciplining children of this age group indicates that when children are physically punished without explanation as to why the behavior was wrong, they become angry rather than reform their behavior. They actually become more aggressive — or, depending on the child's personality, more withdrawn and sullen. Punishment without explanation reinforces the child's sense of powerlessness.

One reason toddlers like to say "no" is that they are frustrated by their inability to express themselves to the most powerful people in their lives — mom and dad. Toddlers have many thoughts, feelings, and a great sense of curiosity about the very new world around them, but a limited vocabulary. In this sense, toddlers are like recently arrived immigrants or tourists who do not yet speak the language of the country they now inhabit — the country of childhood.

Because of this communication gap, explanation-based discipline is far more effective than punishment alone. When a parent takes the time to calmly explain why a behavior is unacceptable, they give the toddler a frame of reference for understanding expectations — and a vocabulary for eventually expressing their own needs more appropriately.

The Benefits of Daycare for Toddlers

To help socialize a toddler, daycare centers — especially those equipped with outdoor playgrounds — can perform an important function in a toddler's development and encourage children to meet crucial developmental milestones, such as sharing, sitting and eating a meal without getting up, and walking confidently without assistance. These settings provide places where toddlers can run around and explore their world without parents worrying about spilled drinks, broken objects, or hazardous items within reach. Daycare is, if nothing else, an important "time out" from toddler care for mom and dad, and enables parents to return to their child refreshed after a break of adult time together.

The toddler may also return home better behaved than before. In addition to burning off energy during playtime, the presence of other toddlers means that children in daycare must learn to take turns, share toys, and do things they may not be required to do at home — particularly if they are an only child, or the youngest or oldest in the family. Of course, parents should observe their child's interactions at the center as well as the quality and competence of care provided. It is not enough that the facility and staff are qualified. The child must have a rapport with their teachers, and must seem to flourish in the atmosphere.