They also pointed out that my uncle would hardly have approved of the manner in which I was handling his death. In fact, it was this particular observation, more than any other, that helped snap me out of my grief and self-pity.
Ultimately, the experience taught me that life's setbacks must be faced with understanding and equanimity, failing which one runs the risk of falling prey to despair and stagnation. Indeed, as Erikson rightly points out, the key to a healthy identity lies in developing a sense of integrity; a feeling that life is worthwhile, irrespective of hardships and losses (Wu). Though my uncle's death played a major role in my self-development, I must confess that it also left behind one negative effect. And, that is, an irrational fear that I will loose other loved ones to death, as suddenly as I lost my uncle.
The lessons I learnt from the tragic death of my uncle were put to the test recently when I was forced to accept the fact that my relationship with my significant other was over. Initially, my reactions to the loss were pretty much the same in terms of giving into my grief and despair. And, once again, I spent a lot of time in condemning both my partner as well as fate.
However, thanks to my previous experience in dealing with a cataclysmic event, I was able to quickly pull myself out of my depression...
As a result, I was able to face up to the fact that I was equally responsible for the relationship not working out. In fact, as I reflect on that time, I realize that perhaps the major problem in the relationship was my inability to resolve a personal conflict between the need for intimacy vs. The need for independence. Hopefully, this insight will help me develop a healthier relationship in the future.
I will probably always feel a sense of loss when I think of my uncle and my significant other. For, there can be no doubt that both relationships were influential ones in my life. However, I am pleased to say that there is no sense of regret when I think of either of them. Instead, there is only a feeling of appreciation for the important role they played in making me the person I am today.
References
Smith, M.K. (1999). Life span development and lifelong learning. The Encyclopedia of Informal Education. Retrieved Nov. 16, 2004: http://www.infed.org/biblio/lifecourse_development.htm
Words of Wisdom 4 U. Motivational Quotations on Change. Retrieved Nov. 16, 2004:
http://www.wow4u.com/change/
Wu, S. Erikson's Eight Stages of Human Development. About: Psychology. Retrieved Nov.
16, 2004: http://psychology.about.com/library/weekly/aa091500b.htm
