The child will undoubtedly feel a heady rush after attaining the long-desired goals of individuality and independence, but this newfound joy in freedom may come across as arrogance to their parents. This appraisal is not always entirely undeserved. Children might feel that they are superior to their parents because of their advanced degrees and knowledge, not to mention their salaries. They might even feel a little ashamed of their parents because they 'wasted their life,' so to speak, or they might feel frustration with their parents' lack of desire to improve their own situations. This arrogance is usually only temporary, but it can last long enough to drive another wedge in between the relationship shared by the parent and child.
Finally, adult children who have graduated with advanced degrees often have difficulty relating to or even spending time with their parents because of the vast differences between their lifestyles. For example, an adult child who is deeply involved in advanced research may have difficulty relating to the relatively uncomplicated world of their parents. They may feel that some of their parents' activities are shallow and mindless and are unable to share their enthusiasm. The parents, despite the pride that they have in their child, might feel alienated because the child does not have a fondness for the things that give them satisfaction in life. In the end, it is likely that the child is far more comfortable working with colleagues in a laboratory than in sitting on their parent's sofa watching reality television.
Social gatherings and family functions can be difficult for an adult child with an advanced degree, not only because he or she might not feel comfortable at the gathering, but...
For example, an adult child who is a medical doctor may not have time for leisure social activities during the early stages of his or her career because of the demands of their hospital or clinic. If the child is unable to visit on a regular schedule or cannot attend family gatherings or reunions, the child's lack of filial attention might cause the parents to feel that their child is brushing them aside. This can lead to bruised feelings on the part of the parents and alienation on the part of the child.
In the end, there are a number of reasons why every bit of learning takes children farther away from their parents. The college experience in itself exposes the child to new friends and new surroundings. Without the constant presence and the daily reinforcement of parental values, children find themselves assuming the values and goals of their classmates. The struggle for independence can lead a child to explore values other than those of his or her parents, and this can also cause a conflict in the family environment. Finally, the child's new career may make allowances for very little free time. This can severely curtail the amount of time the adult child spends with his or her parents, which can cause parents and other relatives to feel like the child is 'too good' to spend time with them. Finally, the adult child and the parents may find that they have very little in common. As children pursue their career goals, they may find that their parents' interests and activities are somewhat shallow and mindless. All of these factors can cause serious and deep-seated resentments between parents and their children and can drive their relationships apart.
