Psychological Effects of Divorce on Children and Co-Parental Relations

Psychological Effects of Divorce on Children and Co-Parental Relations

Today, it is not possible for people to not take into account the considerable outcomes and consequences of divorce. According to social scientists, the ever increasing rates of parents ending their marriages is not only hurting the society but also upsetting and destroying the lives of children. Not only does divorce devastates the family life but also impacts the attainment of education, solidity of job, income potential, physical health, emotional well-being, alcohol and drug addiction and offensive activities (Fagan & Rector, 2000).

Millions of children all over the world suffer overwhelmingly when their parents end their marriages. Research shows that the outcomes of divorce go on with a child into his/her adulthood. Not only the adolescence of the individual is affected but it also crushes the next generation of children also. It is observed that the effects of divorce are mostly certain, severe, lifelong and critical. Thus, there is a need to do something about it to protect the affected children. The consequences of divorce in long-term devastates the nation as well because no nation can progress with psychologically-affected adults. Therefore, in order to reverse the effects of divorce, steps are to be taken to bring a cultural shift in the attitudes of the people. There is a dire need to change the perspective of the people regarding divorce who still consider it as an "OK" process. People must understand and realize that it is not ok for parents to end their marital bond based on silly issues (Fagan & Rector, 2000).

Why must we condemn divorce?

The dilemma, plight and troubles faced and experienced by the children of divorce are enough to condemn divorce at every level. Their conditions crystal-clearly point towards the continuous effects of divorce which are reflected into every aspect of their lives. The children of divorced parents become the victims of abuse and sufferers of ignorance and abandonment. They show signs of more problems related to their health, behavior, personality and emotions. They are also found to be involved in illicit and illegal activities and drug abuse. Not only this, such children commit suicides when they cannot endure the outcomes of divorce (Fagan & Rector, 2000).

Children of divorced parents also exhibit a weakened learning capacity. Their performance in the classrooms is really poor if compared with their fellow students. They display diminished reading and writing skills, spell poorly and are weak in mathematical calculations. Records show that children belonging to families where the parents have divorced also have higher dropout rates and mostly fail to attain graduation degree from colleges (Fagan & Rector, 2000).

Divorce also is seen to affect the primary household of a child by reducing its income. It affects the whole system of the house by severely diminishing the potential of household members to build up money for surviving in the present and securing the future. The drop in income of the families who were well-off and affluent before the taking place of divorce has been recorded to be as much as 50%. The divorced families are not much into religious worship and spirituality. This is the reason why there are more chances of divorces because religion is not prevalent in such families and thus, health, happiness, longer marriages and better family life are not prayed for (Fagan & Rector, 2000).

Divorce has distinct devastating effects. Research in this area demonstrates astonishingly regrettable results by showing how it weakens the relationship between a child and his parents on a permanent basis. Divorce leads a child to disparaging ways of conflict management. Such children also have an inferior sense of self. Children of divorce reveal an earlier loss of virginity. The dilemma does not end here. They also demonstrate signs of "more cohabitation, higher expectations of divorce, higher divorce rates later in life, and less desire to have children" (Fagan & Rector, 2000). Their future family life becomes a critical one as they tend to break their families in the same way they saw their parents doing.

Therefore, if societies where the rates of divorce are exceedingly higher, do not take immediate steps to put a stop to divorce then this dilemma would "continue the downward spiral into social decay" (Fagan & Rector, 2000).

Stressors of the Divorce Process

An extraordinarily large number of children live in divorces families. Regrettably, the marital dissolution brings complex consequences along with it, particularly for the ill-fated children. This unlucky event not only changes the finances of the family and the parenting practices but also results in increased parental conflict and erosion of the important relationships. Divorce is also associated with weakened status of children's psychological well being which results in their lower achievement academically (Potter, August 2010).

Research shows that children demonstrate different responses to their parents' divorce. Their reactions and attitudes depend on the circumstances such as their age and mental/maturity level at the time of divorce. However, divorce has a negative impact on the children's outcomes if observed generally. For researchers, divorce is not an event but a process (Potter, August 2010). A few decades ago, the concept of divorce was renewed by considering it "a process extending over time that involved multiple changes and potential challenges for children, rather than as a single event" (Kelly & Emery, October 2003). The number, cruelty and time of separation and divorce-engendered traumatic causes differ from childto child and family to family. The duration of a divorce to happen also varies. The temporary and lasting responses and consequences of children are affected by various stressors such as "the nature of the initial separation, parental adjustment and resources, parental conflict and cooperation, repartnering of one or both parents, stability of economic resources, and children's own individual resources" (Kelly & Emery, October 2003).

These various unbearable stressors mentioned above get in the way of children's abilities to deal with and muddle through with the divorce process. Thus, children have higher risks of psychological difficulties with the passage of time.

Initial Separation

A significant number of children and adolescents experience the early period subsequent to the separation of their parents quite traumatically. Various children become stressed as they had seen violence and elevated quarrels and arguments in the marriage. On the other hand, most of the children respond to divorce with grief, nervousness, fury, distress, disbelief and anxiety as they are not emotionally prepared for the separation of their parents. Usually, such response towards the family crisis lasts only for a period of 1-2 years. To make matters worse, parents mostly do not inform their children about the status of their marriage (separation or divorce). This untold fact consequently complicates the attempts of children to deal with the major changes following separation. They find themselves alone to struggle with the painful suffering and it becomes hard for them to interpret the significance of such a distressed event in their lives. As a result, they tend to become isolated, emotionally confused and cognitively perplexed. Furthermore, the majority of parents are unsuccessful in communicating and deciding about helpful supervision and access preparations for the children. They also fail to communicate the immediate and long-term influential "changes in family structure, living arrangements, and parent-child relationships" (Kelly & Emery, October 2003) with the victims of divorce i.e. children.

According to a study regarding the parent child communications about divorce, just 5% of the children said that they knew all about the divorce of their parents. On the other hand, 23% of the children said they did not know about the approaching change in the family structure and 45% informed that they were explained about the divorce in 1-2 abrupt sentences (Kelly & Emery, October 2003).

The trauma of children gets evens more intensified when one parent departs abruptly. Generally, it is the father who leaves the household. In cases when temporary court orders are absent, most children do not have the chance to meet their nonresident parents for a long period of time i.e. For weeks or months. The children who are emotionally attached with the parent who leaves, such an abrupt change in the family is really difficult, upsetting and agonizing (Kelly & Emery, October 2003).

Parental Conflict

Unrelenting and constant conflict between parents next to separation and divorce also becomes a major stressor for children. Children, who belong to families where parents have separated or divorced, experience high conflicts during their parents' marriage. Some couples lessen their differences once they separate or divorce. However, some of the couples continue to quarrel even after divorce which greatly affects the children. Therefore, some children continue to muddle through persisitent conflicts after divorce. On the other hand, some experience considerably lesser incidents of quarrel and argument. Postdivorce conflicts are reported to inflict more unfavorable effects on the children as compared to conflicts that occur in the families where marriage is still undissolved. When parents use their children as an object to show their anger, it becomes quite stressful for the children. Children become more depressed and anxious when parents ask them to carry aggressive messages to the other or when one parent belittles or insults the other parent in front of them (Kelly & Emery, October 2003).

Weakened Parenting after Divorce

Another factor that causes children to become stressed is when parenting they receive is inept, clumsy and incompetent. Extreme marital conflicts have severe effects when it comes to the adjustment of children. Mothers, in specific, tend to become less affectionate and more negligent when there are harsh agreements during marriage. They are reprted to become more ruthless in maintaining discipline in the house. Fathers, on the other hand, withdraw from their children and involve themselves in more interfering activities. In addition to this, when after divorce a child has to live with a parent who is disheartened, miserable and upset, it becomes difficult for that child to adjust emotionally, socially, and academically. The traumatic condition, anger and stress of the children make it a harder task for the depressed single parents to continue and maintain practices required for effective parenting (Kelly & Emery, October 2003).

Failure of Significant Relationships

Children of divorced parents find it difficult to maintain long-term and unending relationships. These important relationships include close friends and family members (new and extended). It also becomes particularly difficult for the children to be in close contact with their nonresident parents who are usually fathers. This results in children viewing their father as a diminished character in the story of their lives. Distance also erodes the closeness of father-child association (Kelly & Emery, October 2003).

The time a child spends with his/her nonresident parent is significantly reduced due to a number of factors that include barriers of psychology, interparental relationship and institution. This barrier is often put by the fathers themselves, who lessen their communication or stop contacting their children after divorce because of their own made-up restrictions.

Some fathers already have a minimal involvement with their children even during marriage so being apart from the children is not a big problem for them. On the other hand, some fathers tend to be so involved in their new partners after divorce that they forget about their previous lives even their biological children. Some fathers find it really hard to cope up with the biting reality of being distant from their children and ultimately lose contact to diminish any association (Kelly & Emery, October 2003).

It is a common tradition that a parent has to leave the household after divorce and has to move somewhere else. When a parent relocates at a distance of more than 100 miles, continued and persistent contact between the father-child relations becomes impossible as more time is required to travel long distances and more money is needed too. Consequently, the parent-child association starts to erode especially when the child/children is/are very young. When a father remarries, it becomes difficult for him to balance his life justifiably with the children of his old and new marriage (Kelly & Emery, October 2003).

In most cases, the behavior of mothers creates barriers between children and their fathers. Mothers start functioning as gatekeepers after divorce watching keenly the involvement of father with the children after divorce. The mothers who act as the custodians of children tend to interfere between children and father and are also found to disrupt visiting. They become outrageous when the father contacts become high and fail to make their children adjusted to the circumstances. Sometimes, it is the children themselves who limit communications and distance themselves from their nonresident parents. The causes may be both appropriate and inappropriate. Most children stop involving with a parent if they had experienced violence when the parents weren't separated. Children who are frightened of the abusive parent do not like to visit him/her. However, this bold choice of avoiding any contact is considered a healthy response from children (Kelly & Emery, October 2003).

Economic Opportunities

The standard of living and income for custodial parents and children substantially reduces with the divorce. Consequently, this reduction in finances and economic deterioration may prove as a significant stressor for majority of children. When children observe upsetting and troublemaking variations and disruptions in residential arrangements, school and friends, they become quite stressful (Kelly & Emery, October 2003).

Remarriage

Divorce results in a continuous experience for children as they are introduced to a persistent series of changes and disorders in family. Their emotional side of the personality affects significantly when they are introduced to new social and sexual partners by their parents.

Repartnering or remarrying can be perplexing for children if it occurs immediately after the divorce (Kelly & Emery, October 2003).

Divorce = Risk for Children

Divorce reportedly raises the adjustment risks for children. Children of divorce have been considerably noticed to have problems related to their behaviors. If compared with children belonging to married families, children of divorce demonstrate social, internal and academic problems. Though children in normal families also face serious problems both psychologically and socially psychological and social problems, but the majorities of children who have more problems belong to divorced families. They generally have disorders in conduct, behaviors that are antisocial and uncooperative, and problems withtheir guardians or custodian parent. They show poor academic performance and abilities and score much lesser in tests as compared to children of married couples. Furthermore, parents who have separated tend to provide less monetary sources and show uninterest towards the children's educational well being which makes it difficult for the children to complete their studies. In most cases, the consequence is the dropping out from school (Kelly & Emery, October 2003).

Remarriage does not reduce the risk of behavioral problems for the children of divorce. Living in stepfamilies increases the chances of mental, behavioral and academic problems for the divorce-affected children. They fail to tie intimate knots with their step-relatives. It has also been reported that the children of divorce marry earlier and are mostly not satisfied with their marriage or spouse. In addition to this, they are also more likely to end their marriages (Kelly & Emery, October 2003).

The divorced parents and their adolescent children also have a less warm, unfriendly and unsupportive relationship. One of the main reasons of this less affectionate association is the insulting and humiliating behavior of the parent towards the other parent which makes the children angry. Thus, they are likely to have a bitter relationship with the demeaning parent (Kelly & Emery, October 2003).

Effects on Academic Achievemnt/Outcomes

It is wrong to consider divorce as a deliberate attempt to dissolve marriage. Instead, it must be regarded as a process that gives birth to instability, insecurity and unsteadiness in many important lives. As already disussed, divorced families have lower annual incomes and the material resources are inadequate. Moreover, the quality and practices of parenting is usually quite lower and undependable. In some cases, the separation of parents makes the children prematurely independent. Consequently, there is a break down in the household rules and regulations and parents stop parenting and start befriending. One of the other outcomes of divorce is the relocation of residence along with the change in school. The ability of children to learn is thus diminished with the custodial arrangements. Another important outcome that upset the children's lives is their poor academic achievement following separation and then relocation and changing of the school. They become less attentive in school and find it difficult to concentrate on the lessons. Such children have poor psychosocial health (a major component for educational achievement) which brings them lower ranks (Potter, August 2010).

How does Divorce Affect Younger Children?

Divorce brings drastic changes in the lives of young children. In some cases, for instance, divorce changes the financial standing of a parent or both, generally of mothers. It also makes the children accessible a parent or both parents. Divorce also brings significant changes in the emotional state and behavior of the parents. It is a crystal-clear fact that older children are not much dependent on their parents but younger children are; who need their parents for every little thing. The whole world of the younger children changes with the changes in the family context. Recent studies show that it is not the marital status of the parents that affects the outcomes of children. Instead, the outcomes of children are impacted significantly due to other family variables including educational level of the mother, income, despair, and parenting quality (Leon, July 2003).

The quality of mother-child interaction is also affected with the maternal strain following divorce. This inaffectionate behavior of mother is the cause of many behavioral problems among younger children. Mothers do not support the children and despite interacting in a loving way with the children, tend to be negative towards them. This results in more behavioral problems in younger children who are already fighting with the stress of divorce (Leon, July 2003).

The Effects of Divorce on the Cognitive Development of Young Children

How Children Understand Divorce?

The children's development is significantly influenced with the stressful series of events before and after divorce, mainly due to their cognitive processing of the events. Children in preschool have self-centered and inconsiderate thoughts which means that they are careless of the feelings of others. Their llimited ability to take the perspectives of others often makes them blame themselves. They think that they are the reason of their parents' divorce. It becomes difficult for them to understand the causes of their parents' divorce. More than 100 children from 60 divorced families were studied and the result suggested that younger children find themselves as the sole reason of their parents' divorce. On the other hand, older children regard one parent as the person responsible of the divorce (Leon, July 2003).

Effects on Cognitive Performance

Symbolic representation, reading and language skills are some of the cognitive abilities that children develop during their preschool years.However, these and other related cognitive skills tend to disrupt with the occurrence of the divorce process and are likely to be affected. The family characteristics and processes including the living standard and parent-child relationship are associated with the cognitive performance of children. However, divorce also affects and upsets the said characteristics thereby putting an impact on the children's cognitive abilities (Leon, July 2003).

The arguments, differences and quarrels between married couples bring negativities in the outcomes of children. Interparental conflict is regarded by psychologists as a risk factor for children. When 50 divorced mothers with young children were studied, it was found out that their communication with their previous husbands has turned out to be a difficult process. Only some mothers reported that they had a better communication with their previous husbands. Thus, when there is greater aggression between divorced parents, there is a high risk for children to become more problematic. In some cases, where lower interparental conflict was observed and the parents change few partners, children tend to have lesser behavior problems (Leon, July 2003).

Social Support Can Help

Parenting stress and negative outcomes it brings for children may be alleviated with the social support. High parental stress is very common during the process of divoorce. In such a situation, social support can significantly important and helpful for both parents and children. Social support serves as a protective shield for children. Members from extended family and day-care providers can be really helpful in providing social help to the members of divorced families (Leon, July 2003).

The Outcomes Vary Due to Child Characteristics

Gender

Children's characteristics, for instance sexual characteristics and nature, are also likely to have a great influence on the outcomes of children. It has been found out that adjustment was one of the domain in which the older children did not show any gender differences. However, girls were found to have lesser conduct problems as compared to boys (Leon, July 2003).

Temperament

Children who have complicated and thorny temperaments experience increased stress after the parental divorce. They are less adaptable to the new circumstances even when they are given full support by their custodians. On the other hand, when children with uncomplicated and unproblematic temperament are provided high levels of support after the divorce, they demonstrate moderate stress and are much easily adaptable to the changed situation of their lives. This clearly shows that it is difficult for children with difficult temperaments to manage stress as compared to the children who have easy-going attitude (Leon, July 2003).

Co-Parental Relationship

It is not only the children who are affected by the trauma of divorce. Both mother and father also get familiarized with distinctive parenting roles following separation. It is often the mother, who gets the custody of the children and thus, has to act as the main physical custodian.Past studies reflect the mothers' experience as the custodian in which they have expressed how difficult it was for them to be the sole parent to look after the children. Their remarks clearly indicate how difficult single parenthood is. The parenting responsibilities overwhelm the female parent after the divorce. There are two attributes that are significant to the increased level of parenting tension. Firstly, the parent who has the physical custody of the children is responsible for managing household and carrying out instrumental caretaking tasks. On the other hand, the noncustodial parent is responsible for getting children participate and involve in social and recreational activities. Secondly, the majorities of nonresident fathers have little or no communication with their children. Such fathers have a lower level of involvement in activities involving their children. Divorced, nonresident fathers also get frustrated as they have no important role in controlling and observing what is happening in their children's lives. They think of themselves as less capable parents. Conversely, mothers experience an augmented parenting strain after divorce (Madden-Derdich, Leonard & Christopher, August 1999).

The financial standard is also different for both mothers and fathers after a divorce. Research clearly indicates that it is mainly the female parent whose economic conditions worsen with the passage of time as compared to the male parent after divorce. Generally, women experience a drop in their standard of living. However, for men, it usually remains the same or increases. Divorced men usually have satisfactory financial situations and do not report a significant drop in their financial resources after the end of their marriage (Madden-Derdich, Leonard & Christopher, August 1999).

In some cases, many divorced parents decide to do co-parenting so that their children don't have to spend an abnormal childhood. Co-parenting can thus be defined as a mutual partnership to carry out the "the complex interpersonal task of adults sharing parenting responsibilities" (Whiteside, January 1998). Joint parenting is really important to maintain a happy marriage. It therefore means that joint parenting is a mutual responsibility as long as both the parents are ready to share parenting responsibilities and tasks in one form or another. It is a tpical belief among spouses that their marital problems are rigorous and it is impossible to work them out. Consequently, they blindly follow this belief and thus, arrange lives that gradually become more and more parallel and isolated. People tend to think really negatively regarding their partner and this perception has turned out to be more international, unwavering, and offensive. Severe conflicts are signified when there is a lot of denigration, disrespect, suspiciousness among the couple. In the absence of trust, respect, humor, encouragement and noncynical listening, it is impossible for a couple to remain united (Whiteside, January 1998).

Hence, there are a lot of divorcing couples who reach a point where they are not able to work mutually and constructively. For them, it is almost impossible and paradoxical to be together and work towards the betterment of the family and children. However, as it is typical in marriage, separated couples also differ greatly when it comes to put aside the conflicts. They have varied ways of demonstrating angry feelings. They also have different manners of confronting differences. Not only this, there is also a variation in their ways of balancing the constructive and off-putting communications in their relationship. It has been found out that most couples who have divorced for a span of two years particularly experience incongruities, stress, and lack of sympathy towards each other (Whiteside, January 1998).

To cut a long story short, parenting repeatedly consists of disagreements about child development, education and rearing. It becomes a much difficult situation to cope with when both parents have high concerns regarding the betterment of child/children. It becomes really difficult to parent jointly with the aim of managing the household consistently as compared to carry out parenting responsibilities as a single parent. It is important to note here that it is not the frequency of disagreement that matters. What matters most is "the degree to which disagreement is imbued with unresolved emotional issues, the manner of expression of disagreement, parents' ability to come to resolution, and the degree to which conflicts are outweighed by positive exchanges between parents" (Whiteside, January 1998).

Role of the Non-resident Parent

The rates of divorce all around the world are increasing at a faster pace. In addition to this, nonmarital childbearing has also become a common thing, particularly in the western part of the world. Thus, nonresident fathering has become a common form of parenting as a trend. It has been estimated that about 50% of children in United States alone, "will live in a household without their biological fathers at some point in their childhood" (Sobolewski & King, December 2005). This is rather a critical situation that affects the children's well-being tremendously as they have to live apart from their father. However, this does not mean at all that if a father is not living in the same household where his children live, he has no role to play in his children's life. A very large number of nonresident fathers have strong ties and communication with their children even if they are living apart. It has also been found out in a recent study that maintainance of an active presence by fathers in their children's lives helps in strengthening their bond and benefits children both in short-term and long-term (Sobolewski & King, December 2005).

Despite all the mentioned facts, nonresident fathers face a major problem of maintaining an important parenting action i.e. they cannot live with their children. This is the reason why they have difficulty in nurturing an intimate relationship, friendliness and positive linkage with their offsprings. There is, however, probably a chance that the father's involvement in other areas of his children's life would be facilitated. It has also been found out that superior quality of father-child relationship is associated with the contact among them. There is always a likelihood that more visitations by a father closely link him with his children and they share a close bond, trust and affectionate feelings when involved in joint activities. Research also shows that children who had no or very little contact with their fathers experienced the worst form of father-child relationship as compared to children who were in close or modest contact levels with their fathers (Sobolewski & King, December 2005).

It is evident that coparenting in a cooperating way is infrequent and unusual. However, cooperative coparenting can strengthen the bonds between nonresident fathers and their children. Mutual coparenting also has the propensity to increase regular contact, superior relationship quality and better parenting behaviors. All these results can bring better and advantageous outcomes for children. Thus, a positive coparental relationship has benefits that assist a nonresident father's involvement in his children's lives (Sobolewski & King, December 2005).

Nevertheless, it is not easy for noncustodial or nonresident fathers to live apart from their children particularly when their primary attachment is directed towards their children. After divorce, such fathers mostly experience a substantial emotional, disturbing and poignant hardship. Astonishingly, the overall level of adjustment of fathers is significantly lower than that of mothers after divorce. Also, the divorced fathers face a higher risk of suicide. Their mental strength and ability to cope with the stress following divorce and separation from children is really low. They also experience a number of long-term stress-related illnesses including sleeplessness, reduced liveliness as well as mental health problems. Noncustodial fathers fear that divorce will consequently separate their children from them forever and affect their predivorce relationship. Thus, in the presence of children, the parent who stays with them experiences less tragedy than the noncustodian parent. The custodian parents usually spend a similar life as before divorce with fewer changes in their circumstances and living mode. They do not have the feeling of loneliness, insecurity, anxiousness and helplessness when dealing with their children. On the other hand, the noncustodial divorced parents particularly fathers experience drastic effects of divorce on their mental well-being including, feelings of loss, sorrow, unhappiness, vulnerability, lonesomeness, despair, indifference, insufficiency and ineptitude. Physically, as well, divorced noncustodial fathers lose weight, start or increase drinking, have difficulties in sleeping and drinking. Moreover, they experience nerverelated eye and dental problems as well as high BP (Kurk, Spring 2010).