Wolterstorff S Lament for a Son and Grieving

¶ … Five Stages of Grief and Wolterstorff's Lament Wolterstorff (1987) finds joy after his loss by "owning it" as he notes in his Preface (p. 6). He makes the loss of his son part of his identity rather than some obstacle to his happiness or to getting back to the way things were: he accepts it and embraces it and allows it to transform him on a deep, emotional, and psychological level. He also strives to make it impactful on a spiritual level and works towards "owning it redemptively" (p.

6) so that it might make him more completely in the light of God and His mysterious ways. This stage of acceptance, the final stage of grieving according to the Kubler-Ross model comes only after a process, in which the other first four stages of the model are navigated by Wolterstorff -- denial, anger, bargaining and depression. This paper will show how Wolterstorff moves through these five stages and emerges via the final stage of acceptance to find joy in the hope of a Resurrection.

The root of Wolterstorff's joy, of course, is found in his faith -- which allows him the hope of the Resurrection (even though it is no comfort initially because the impact of the death is too great for comfort to be felt). He feels what Christ feels on the cross when he exclaims, "My God, why have you forsaken me?" (Mat 27:46). Although he participates in the "leave taking" when he touches his son's dead body and makes his son's death finally real to himself (p.

36), Wolterstorff does not actually take joy in this process: as he says, "I buried myself that warm June day" (p. 42). The joy comes, however, through owning the experience -- and by doing that he prepares himself to accept the gift that faith in Christ gives, which is the hope of a Resurrection through Jesus Christ. Christ is the way and the life (John 14:6) and that means that Wolterstorff can hope in Christ that he sees his son again in the afterlife.

This is a joyful consolation for a man who is grieving immensely. Thus, the meaning and significance of death in the light of the Christian narrative is this: death is a punishment for sin, a punishment that has to be paid by all men, who are born of Adam (for it was he along with Eve who first fell and thus passed on the banishment from paradise to their children). But through Christ, death is not the final word. Christ overcomes death through His own Resurrection.

His own sacrifice on the cross to atone for the sins of mankind also opens the gates of heaven so that those who are faithful to God's will can spend eternal life with Him in heaven.

Thus, the meaning of death is that all men owe a debt to God -- a debt that is paid through death, the separation of the body and soul; but this separation is only temporary; the body and the soul will be re-united after the Final Judgment and those who are deemed worthy of eternal life will join God in heaven, body and soul re-united; those who are not faithful will have body and soul re-united but in hell, where there will be no enjoyment of the beatific vision.

Therefore, the significance of death is that it should serve as a reminder to Christians that they should stay faithful to God's will and not fall to the wayside, because death is only a temporary incident in the life of the soul and the body. One must maintain one's faith even in the face of death -- for that is the ultimate test that God gives to everyone.

In this manner, the hope of the resurrection plays a significant role in the comforting of Wolterstorff; it gives him the moment to look forward to of being re-united with his son in paradise.

He longs to see his son in the present moment, whom he loves dearly and considers him for a time to be lost to him; but the thought of being returned to him, just as the Mother of God was returned to her Son after He rose from the dead, fills him with a kind of comforting peace -- but only after a time; at first the Gospels do not give him any comfort; the grief is too great.

He feels a kind of anger, which is the second stage of grielf in the Kubler-Ross model. He thinks only of the present, of his own hurt. He wants Eric to be still alive and he tells the family they must all act as though Eric is still alive. This is a misleading task because it is a denial (the first stage of the Kubler-Ross model). Finally, however, his dream in which he is frightened by a malevolent voice but reassured by a comforting voice, gives him some peace.

He looks beyond life to death and unites Eric's memory to death so that his son is still special to him. He looks forward to Judgment Day so that he can see his son again. Prior to this acceptance (the final stage of the grieving model), Wolterstorff bargains, negotiating for more time when he refuses to allow them to extinguish the candle at the funeral service: he views this as Eric's life -- he will not let it pass yet; he wants more time.

This is his bargaining phase: he composes the liturgy but Eric's soul must remain on earth a while longer. The depression phase follows when he realizes that this bargaining is for naught. No matter what he does, Eric is still gone, gone into eternity to be with God. But in the end his faith serves to give him hope. He realizes.