Marriage and Courtship in Modern Asian Literature

Modern Asian culture is very different from what it was in ancient times, particularly in terms of love and marriage. In most Asian countries, as in other parts of the world, marriages were arranged by the parents of the bride and groom. Very often a man of wealth or power could offer himself as a suitor and the father would decide whether or not his daughter would marry that man — regardless of whether she liked him, let alone loved him. Women were subordinate to men, first to their fathers, then to their husbands, and even to their sons. In the modern era, this is thankfully no longer the case, or at least far less common. Throughout the world, archaic courtship practices have disappeared as cultures have come to understand and appreciate the individuality of human beings and the right to marry based on love rather than familial obligation or patriarchal rule.

The different aspects of modern courtship in Asian culture are present in the romances of Cuicui in Shen Congwen's Border Town and the various male and female characters in Eileen Chang's Love in a Fallen City. A common theme that appears throughout both works is that a man is likely to fall in love with a woman at first sight, while women are more complex creatures who fall in love only after a deep emotional connection has been forged. Through the different relationships presented, the two authors argue that modern marriages between consenting adults should be based on shared love and respect.

Shen Congwen's Border Town focuses on young Cuicui, who is only thirteen when the reader first encounters her. She lives in China with her elderly grandfather, and this relationship forms the foundation of her adult interactions. During her short life, Cuicui has faced many hardships, including the loss of her parents and the ensuing feelings of abandonment. Her father had been a soldier in the military and her mother had been too young to cope with the responsibility of motherhood. Congwen writes, "The girl's mother, the ferryman's only child, had some fifteen years earlier come to know a soldier from Chadong through the customary exchange of amorous verses" (11). She became pregnant by him, and he felt unable to abandon his duty to be with her and unable to take her with him. The only option open to them, it seemed, was death. The two committed suicide — the father by poisoning and the mother by drowning shortly after the birth of her baby — and it is stated that they truly loved one another, which was part of the reason for their deaths.

It may not make immediate sense to Western readers why this couple chose this course of action, but it must be remembered that throughout Asia, honor has historically been of supreme importance. To have become pregnant outside of marriage was dishonorable; to abandon one's military duty was dishonorable; to leave her father alone would have been dishonorable. Suicide, in this context, was seen as a way to erase the dishonor cast upon the family name. Because of this, Cuicui has lived with the understanding that love can be damaging and highly destructive, yet that its emotions can be so powerful as to be worth it. Despite all the pain and suffering she has endured, Cuicui remains hopeful and deeply romantic in her outlook. More than anything, she wants to find a true love and eventually marry him — though this is not very feasible for most members of society, as few ever find such love and most eventually settle for someone at least emotionally compatible.

Cuicui's grandfather is a relic of ancient attitudes towards marriage. Two young men live in the same village as Cuicui and her grandfather, and he encourages them to court his granddaughter. These courtships begin while she is still in her early teens — something that modern society would rightly disapprove of. In the modern period, thirteen-year-olds are still children, whereas in ancient cultures girls as young as twelve were considered of marriageable age. Cuicui feels significant pressure to marry according to her grandfather's wishes, particularly since she knows he is approaching death. After he dies, she will be completely alone in the world, which provides further incentive to marry and start a family. He asks her, "Cuicui, when your grandfather is gone, what will you do then?" (Congwen 106). In his eyes, Cuicui's value lies in her ability to be a wife and mother. Since she is a girl, this is her prescribed purpose; had she been born a boy, her grandfather would have encouraged her to continue the family business or perhaps pursue higher education. Without the benefit of being male, Cuicui can only hope to marry well and be supported by another man.

From a young age, Cuicui is able to attract the attention of the opposite sex. "When a stranger on the ferry cast a look at her, she would shoot him a glance with those brilliant eyes, as if ready to flee into the hills at any instant; but once she saw that he meant her no harm, she would go back to playing by the waterside as if nothing had happened" (Congwen 13). Females, positioned as the naturally submissive gender, tend to be the target of the male gaze. In society, males will look at females and wordlessly appraise them in terms of attractiveness and potential suitability as a mate, even if the man is already married or if the girl is too young to accept him as a potential suitor.

As a young adult, Cuicui is wooed by two brothers who both seem to fall in love with her at first sight, knowing nothing about her. Their feelings for her are initially wholly superficial but deepen as they come to know her. The grandfather encourages both brothers to court his granddaughter because they are the sons of a wealthy merchant and will therefore be able to support Cuicui financially. At one point he asks her, "Cuicui, if No. 1 wanted to take you as his wife and sent over a matchmaker, would you agree?" (Congwen 42). It is telling that throughout the book the grandfather refers to the suitors only as "No. 1" or "No. 2." They have no real individual identity to him; they are representative of the type of man he wants for his granddaughter. As icons of archaic tradition, they do not require personal identities. In this way, Congwen explores the fact that although China remains a patriarchy, women can possess as strong a personality as men and can perhaps even transcend their male counterparts.

Eileen Chang's Love in a Fallen City and Other Stories explores some of the same issues as the Shen Congwen novel. In the title story, the main female character Liusu must go to a matchmaker in order to find a potential husband. She exists in a realm between the past and the future. Liusu would like to find a husband and marry based on shared interests and compatibility. Historically, men and women were matched by parents or by the village matchmaker. Within this insulated society, the matchmaker is utilized to pair eligible young men and women. Although a pretense is made of creating unions based on shared interests and the likelihood of a happy marriage, the matchmaker would not necessarily honor such considerations if a particular match was desired by the elder generation. Liusu has many positive characteristics — a generous spirit and the ability to forgive even the most egregious transgressions, such as her brother taking all of her money.

When a match is finally made between Liusu and a Mr. Fan, it is evident that the man has far more flaws than Liusu, whose only apparent negative characteristic is that she is past her mid-twenties and still unmarried. Mr. Fan is not a great man, but his financial means make him appealing. Eileen Chang writes:

"Everyone in the Bai family kept asking Mrs. Xu how such a perfect son-in-law could still be single, and she told them that when Fan Liuyuan returned from England, a whole passel of mothers had forcefully, insistently, pushed their daughters at him. They had schemed and squabbled, pulling every trick in the book and making a huge fuss over him. This had completely spoiled Mr. Fan; from then on he took women to be so much mud under his feet" (122).

Men and women in Asian cultures have a complex dynamic. Over recent decades, women have achieved some level of equality, but the history of patriarchy in these cultures remains visible to this day. In this story, Mr. Fan is representative of the privileged male in Chinese society. The women around him are so determined to secure a suitable husband for their daughters that they offer up one candidate after another when the first is not accepted (Chang 123). Because he has money and is an eligible bachelor, the community falls over itself trying to coerce him into taking their daughters off their hands. Knowing that his maleness grants him automatic power — and his wealth grants him even more — Mr. Fan has become a product of the patriarchy, indulging in the ability to dominate.