Marriage and Dating in the Middle Ages: Customs and Traditions

Introduction: Marriage in Historical Context

Throughout the ages, the ideals on which marriage is based have greatly fluctuated. Whereas arranged marriages are uncommon in the Western world today, during the Middle Ages marriages were often arranged on the basis of land ownership or the acquisition of power and wealth.

Dating in the Middle Ages was practically an obsolete step among the higher classes. Classes were not permitted to intermarry, let alone date. Most instances of courtship would likely have occurred in the lower classes, where arranged marriages were not common.

From the 9th century onward, the Church increasingly claimed marriage as one of its sacraments; however, "despite some efforts at a complete clerical takeover, the marriage service remained the work of the couple, with the priest merely a witness" (Gardiner & Wenborn, 1995). Nevertheless, friends and family members often played an intricate part in arranging a marriage when great wealth and land were involved. If a marriage was to take place, it was in their best interest to ensure they were receiving a fair share of future wealth, or at least an expansion of land.

Class, Wealth, and Arranged Marriages

To marry for love during the Middle Ages was not always a path to a long and healthy life. A great deal of planning went into these marriages, as both families usually had something to gain from an economically sound union.

For the rest of the population, "mutual consent was usually all that was required, and the woman had to be twelve years old and the man fourteen" (Hunter, 2002). Unlike the lavish wedding ceremonies of today, the marriage ceremony in the Middle Ages was often simple.

Theoretically, no one could force another person into marriage, and if a marriage occurred under coercion, it was considered invalid. That meant a lord could not legally marry off his serfs, daughters, or sisters without their consent. "Of course, pressure could be brought to bear on a stubborn woman, and later proving that the consent was coerced could be difficult" (Hunter, 2002).

The Church's Role in Marriage

It was not until the Church became more insistent about its involvement — by the late 16th century — that weddings began to be held within church buildings. "In the Middle Ages, marriage was seen as a sacrament. Therefore, the transition into marriage was made in order to prevent sin and to procreate as the Bible dictates" (Beaver, 2003).

A marriage ceremony typically involved the husband-to-be and wife-to-be exchanging vows in front of a priest and witnesses. Church-involved ceremonies were similar in some respects to those we have today. Before commencing inside the church, the bride stood to the left of the groom — because it was believed Eve was made from a rib on Adam's left side — and those assembled were asked whether they had reason to believe the marriage should be forbidden.

If no objection was established, the ceremony continued. Vows were exchanged much as we see in marriages today, after which the priest blessed the rings, which were then exchanged by the now-husband and wife. At that moment the couple would enter the church and kneel before the altar as the priest offered a prayer, thus concluding the wedding.

There were many circumstances under which marriages could be prohibited. Besides being too closely related, according to Carter, "if the boy or the girl had taken a monastic or religious vow, the marriage was also prohibited. Sometimes widows or widowers took vows of celibacy on the death of their spouse, and later regretted doing so when they could not remarry" (1998).