Tough Love and Character: How Children Succeed by Paul Tough

Introduction: Character Over IQ

Paul Tough's (2012) How Children Succeed advances the thesis that the most important education a child can receive is not in the IQ-developing department but rather in the character-developing department. Tough tells stories of real people whose experiences support this thesis, and he couples those stories with scientific studies that provide the empirical analysis making his qualitative work so compelling. One important tool for developing character — which, Tough shows, is essential to developing the intellect — is the ability to overcome obstacles and maintain self-control: "When kindergarten teachers are surveyed about their students, they say that the biggest problem they face is not children who don't know their letters and numbers; it is kids who don't know how to manage their tempers or calm themselves down after a provocation" (Tough, 2012, p. 17). The acquisition of this tool is gained by way of the "executive functions", which regulate cognitive impulses. This paper discusses Tough's thesis and how it relates to the field of human services.

Parenting Styles and Executive Function

Tough describes different parenting styles and their effects on children. Parents with hostile or conflicted attitudes toward their children cause those children to become anxious and needy, which in turn undermines the child's development of the regulatory executive functions. By contrast, parents with warm, affectionate, and emotionally supportive attitudes actively support this development (Tough, 2012, p. 34).

This theory was supported by evaluations of KIPP Academy, where researchers found that a focus on "personal growth and achievement" rather than "finger-wagging morality" helped children develop successfully (Tough, 2012, p. 60). The aim of the KIPP program was character development: by instilling in students a desire to better themselves rather than imposing a strict set of parameters to abide by, the school was able to create a "paternalistic" atmosphere in which students had the security they needed to focus on themselves and self-control.

Basic Needs and Personal Development

A point Tough returns to repeatedly is that when children's basic needs are met — housing, food, love, and affection — they are less likely to spend their time seeking out these necessities and more likely to focus on personal growth and development. When those basic necessities are lacking, however, whether because of poverty or emotional instability in the home, a child is forced to devote energy to filling those requirements and therefore has little left to devote to character progress.

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs and Child Development

In terms of human services, the thesis Tough presents is an important one because it underscores the need for compassionate understanding and care when interacting with individuals. Compassionate care acts as a support beam upon which individuals can lean as they develop their strength and learn to focus on themselves and their own areas of need. This idea corresponds directly with Maslow's hierarchy of needs, which stipulates that self-actualization sits at the apex of the needs pyramid and can only be reached after a succession of lower needs have been met — beginning with physiological needs, then safety, love and belonging, and esteem.

What Tough demonstrates in his research is that the basic premise of Maslow's hierarchy is legitimate: children need structure, stability, care, and affection — all of which affect their physiological development, their brain development, their executive functioning skills, and their ability to learn self-control and self-discipline. With these latter skills, children become able to distinguish between effective problem-solving approaches and flawed reasoning processes. Tough's assessment is that both wealthy and low-income families struggle to find the right balance, because too much or too little of any one requirement can destabilize the entire developmental pyramid. Economic satisfaction is only one part of development; it is not the whole answer.

Conclusion: Character as the Foundation of Success

It is admittedly a difficult line to walk between helping an individual move forward and allowing them the space to learn on their own. Falling, in this sense, cannot be avoided. The point Tough makes is that in human services, one must help the individual who falls and encourage them to stand back up and begin walking again on their own two feet. It is precisely that process which defines character, and it is character that ultimately enables the intellect to overcome difficulties.

Reference List

Tough, P. (2012). How Children Succeed: Grit, Curiosity, and the Hidden Power of Character. New York, NY: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.