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"You can use it if you want to," he said. The horror of Dunne's death is that it fixes the deceased in time. Frustrated and full of self-reproach, Didion is left to look and keep on looking for fresh possibilities in the past: missed clues, wrong turns, alternate endings, places to correct the record, to, as she says, "get it right."
Finally, she realizes that it is okay if she does not "get it right." It is okay to be wrong. It is okay not to be her infallible self. "Life changes fast. Life changes in an instant. You sit down to dinner and life as you know it ends." This is where the studies of Erikson and Gould come into play. Didion is not alone. More than likely, most of the people who read her book will be in the same situation with someone close person at one time or another. Through her book, she is showing others how she responds, or fails to respond to the circumstances. Then, she is questioning: "And how about you? How will you face adversity?
For Didion, it was a time of change. As noted, she realizes that she no longer can control the world. She is also "far less patient about certain things," "and I've learned to value love more." As many people say in their 50s, 60s, 70s and above, "When I think of all the moments that are wasted in all our lives! They are particularly precious to you when you can't replicate them." She is also lighter of heart."I realized that I was berating...
This is the worst kind of grandiosity."
As the book comes to an end, Didion continues to grieve, but she also does begin to see the end of the tunnel. She has memories after the death, not just before. She is able to begin to come closer to things that earlier she could not begin to face. Grieving is a long process. Anyone who believes differently is only in denial.
This is what Erikson and Gould were simply saying -- that many times in one's older life, just as in childhood and adolescence, the human being is still learning. It is not something that ends when one turns 21 or 23 or 33. It goes on until a person passes away. Humans, unlike other animals, have that wonderful capacity. They can acquire new knowledge every minute of their lives. It is what they do with this knowledge that will define whether or not their life was a success.
References
Didion, J. 2005. Year of Magical Thinking. New York: Alfred Knopf.
Erickson, E., and Erickson, J. (1998) the life cycle completed. New York: Norton.
Gould, R.L. 1972. The phases of adult life: a study in the development psychology.
Journal of Psychiatry. Vol. 129., no. 5.
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