LGBTQ Youth in the United Methodist Church

Introduction
The United Methodist Church (UMC) is a mixture of being rooted in the traditions of the Christian experience and being grounded in the here and now. For an LGBTQ youth, the church’s outlook can be frustrating and confusing. How a good pastor responds to the feelings of this youth can be a determining factor in the extent to which the relationship blooms and flourishes or wilts and dies. The church pastor is there to set the example and serve as the voice of the UMC. Therefore it is important to consider this case study in detail to discover what is at the heart of the youth’s feelings and how the youth might best prepare for whatever may come with the UMC.
The Particular Experience
In this case, an LGBTQ youth came to the UMC looking for guidance. The youth was anticipating a welcoming reception, comfort, support and acceptance. She felt that since God is love, she should be loved by God regardless of her sexual orientation. Yet her family has not approved of her lifestyle or of her sexual preferences. She feels alienated by them and wants to know where the church stands with regard to LGBTQ issues.
The pastor listened to the youth carefully and considerately. He then explained that while the UMC does not recognize LGBTQ orientations as legitimate from a Biblical standpoint, the church does not turn its back on anyone or turn anyone away. The pastor then invited the youth to come back so that they could study Scripture together and develop a better understanding of what God was calling her to do in her own life. The pastor did not condemn nor deny the stance of the UMC with regard to sexual orientation. Nor did the pastor seek to alienate or make the youth feel ashamed. The pastor displayed great empathy towards the young person, knowing full well how confusing the times are in which we live today.
To help guide the young person in her faith, the pastor thought that study of Scripture would be the best way to supply the person with the support needed. This would provide a kind of spiritual anchor—some spiritual orientation, so to speak, that seemed to be missing in the life of the young person. The young person came from a family that was well-versed in the traditions of the church but the family situation was also well-known to the pastor and he knew that the parents of the family were not very good at showing tolerance or empathy.
The youth, therefore, was not in an enviable situation: the family was rejecting her and she was hoping the church would at least appreciate her. The challenge here was to make her feel welcomed while also helping her to see how she could use sexuality as a gift from God meant to be used in the manner that God had planned—i.e., in monogamous heterosexual love. This would be a challenge because to deliver an outright attack and condemnation of her orientation would only turn her off and a rift would develop between herself and the church.
Because she was young, she was likely going through a great many physical changes and feeling a great deal of peer pressure, too, so it was important to understand more about her own social background while helping her to better understand the church’s position in a loving and gracious way. This was the aim of the pastor. Now he had to set this plan in motion.
Interpretation
Indeed, the times today are confusing and the UMC has not done much to help clarify where we stand today. For instance, as Stoneking points out, “the first openly LGBTQ bishop in the United Methodist Church” was unanimously elected to the UMC’s episcopacy.[footnoteRef:2] What does this mean for the traditions of the church or of the message that is given to people in the Scriptures? On the one hand, it is understandable that the church wants to be accepting and tolerant. After all, there is a need in society for people to feel embraced as there is so much fighting and anger. Agnew describes how strain theory explains that people lash out in society and engage in destructive behavior when they feel themselves being pushed and pulled in various directions, feel themselves being negatively impacted by emotional and psychological assaults from their various environments,[footnoteRef:3] whether at school, at home or even in their church. Strain theory helps to show how young persons especially can become upset and damaged when they are situated in a negative experience for too long. For this case, it is important to find out whether the young person has been in a negative situation for long—even if it is a situation that is familial, such as tension between herself and her traditional parents. Understanding this could help to shed light on the cause of the young person’s feelings, her angst, her attitude and her anger. If she is hurting emotionally, there is likely a reason why and the pastor needs to be perceptive of that and receptive to her needs. Meeting with her one on one is the best way to demonstrate this receptivity and it will help the young person to feel encouraged and supported. Emotional support is really what she needs if she is feeling under a lot of strain. [2: Stoneking, Kristin. "Beloved Community In the UMC." Fellowship 81, no. 1-6 (2017): 10.] [3: Agnew, R. (2008). Strain Theory. In V. Parrillo (Ed.), Encyclopedia of social problems. (pp. 904-906). Thousand Oaks: SAGE.]
It is important for a pastor to be able to demonstrate social and emotional intelligence, which are two skills that leaders can effectively use to guide adolescent development. As Cohen points out, adolescents are going through major social and emotional changes in their teen years: they are moving out of the child zone into the adult world and the transition can be quite bumpy and jarring.[footnoteRef:4] Huitt explains that there is also a need to help adolescents develop a moral intelligence.[footnoteRef:5] By applying social and emotional intelligence to the situation at hand, the pastor can develop a great rapport with the teen and establish a positive and supportive relationship. Simultaneously, the pastor can help to guide the young person in developing a relationship with God that is full of love and appreciation for the gifts that God has given, including the gift of sexuality. Developing a moral intelligence in the youth can be a great accomplishment as it will give the young person a greater perspective and sense of self worth and value. The moral law that God has given to His children is not a bad thing: it is like a rope that keeps us tethered to His ship so that we can stay afloat in the choppy waters and tumultuous times that lead to so much confusion. [4: Cohen, Jonathan, ed. Educating minds and hearts: Social emotional learning and the passage into adolescence. Teachers College Press, 1999.] [5: Huitt, W. (2011). A holistic view of education and schooling: Guiding students to develop capacities, acquire virtues, and provide service. In Revision of paper presented at the 12th Annual Conference sponsored by the Athens Institute for Education and Research (ATINER), Athens, Greece.]
By applying strain theory to the issue, the pastor can develop a good understanding of how tension in the young person’s life may be impacting her feelings. The use of social and emotional intelligence will be necessary in this case to keep from exacerbating the situation and driving the young person to lash out angrily. By showing empathy and acceptance, the pastor can help to establish a foundation of trust that can then be used to develop the moral intelligence of the young person through a study of Scripture and the teachings of the UMC.
Theology and Ethics
In Mark 10:6, the meaning of sexuality as given by God to human beings is explained, and the context in which it is explained is based on the concept of family—of a man and woman uniting as two in one flesh to start a family of their own. There is a social and physical order in this type of union. Sexual expression is fulfilled in this expression where it frustrated in other expressions, such as acts of sexuality that are divorced from the end of procreation. Matthew 19:4-6 tells the same perspective. God’s mind is clear on this matter.
God is clearly moving in the life of the young person by awakening her to her own sexuality—and this in and of itself is not a bad thing but, on the contrary, it is quite a good thing. Sexuality is a reality of human life—God has given it to us that we might use it and take part in the bringing of new life into the world with God’s cooperation. That is why we are called procreators in the act. However, there is a right use for all things. There is a right use for food (one should not overeat or else one becomes a glutton). There is a right use for tools (one should not use a pencil as a hammer—it will not work). There is a right use for sex, as well, and Scripture is clear on that.
Tradition is also clear on this matter. The church has always until now been very clear on the matter of human sexuality. Today there is a period of confusion because so many different elements in society are promoting the idea that homosexual love is good in and of itself—but as Christ Himself states in quoting the Old Testament, God made them man and woman because there is a purpose in God’s mind: men and women, in spite of all their differences, are the building blocks of society. They help to fill up God’s house with souls, and that is what God wants.
The awakening of the youth’s sexuality is a beautiful and wonderful thing, but it must be appreciated as God wants it to be appreciated. 1 Timothy 2:15 states this purpose clearly: “Women will be saved through childbearing--if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety.” The young girl will benefit immensely from being given the moral intelligence to appreciate the wisdom in what Timothy states here. A woman’s sexuality is beautiful because the woman herself has the womb in which new life is able to grow and develop. No man can carry life—only woman can and her sexuality is an invitation to new life. It can be used in so many different ways. A woman can use her sexuality to attempt to satisfy some urging or impulse in herself—but unless it is directed to the end that Timothy identifies, there will always be something lacking, something missing, and it is clear from the young woman’s struggles that she is looking for some answer to the question of why she is unhappy.
Augustine describe sin as misplaced love,[footnoteRef:6] and that is what is happening here. The young woman has love to give but she does not know where to put it. Unless we put our love in God and in God’s plan and design, we will be rootless, as Augustine was for so many years until he finally came to recognize God’s plan for himself. Augustine knows how hard it is to find oneself in this world and to make the right decision. The passions can be strong, so I would recommend engaging with Augustine for this young woman. He is so full of love for God in his writings that it may help her to see clearly what God wants for her. [6: Chris Ritter, Augustine, Luther and the Inward Curve, https://thegospelmatters.wordpress.com/2012/01/11/speaking-of-sin-luther-augustine-and-the-inward-curv/]
Action
Now it is time to act, and I myself would prepare first by engaging in prayer and asking God to help me guide this young person according to His plan. Then I would show the young person all the empathy and acceptance that I humanly could, never judging her or making her feel ashamed or unwelcomed because of her sexual orientation. All the while, however, I would be straight-forward and honest about how I see the church’s teachings on homosexuality and what I believe God’s plan to be with respects to human sexuality.
I would continue to meet with the young person as regularly as she would like to meet. I would not make her problems the topic of a sermon unless I noticed the situation to be particularly prevalent among the community. I would not want her anxiety to develop any further or worsen. I would however develop a sermon about patience and understanding and how important it is to never judge. I would show how Christ Himself ate with sinners and showed love towards them, how He forgave them their sins and urged them to go towards God. This would be the most beautiful and hopeful expression of my faith that I think I could give to the parish. If the young woman were in the parish during my sermon I would want to give an encouraging message of hope that she might hear and take to heart—something about how we are all in this life together and God has made it that way that we might rely on one another to better understand how He is guiding us towards Him using the gifts He has given us to enhance our own lives so that they may reflect His grace and love.
Bibliography
Agnew, R. “Strain Theory.” In V. Parrillo (Ed.), Encyclopedia of social problems. (pp. 904-906). Thousand Oaks: SAGE, 2008..
Cohen, Jonathan, ed. Educating minds and hearts: Social emotional learning and the passage into adolescence. Teachers College Press, 1999.
Huitt, W. (2011). A holistic view of education and schooling: Guiding students to develop capacities, acquire virtues, and provide service. In Revision of paper presented at the 12th Annual Conference sponsored by the Athens Institute for Education and Research (ATINER), Athens, Greece.
Ritter, Chris. “Augustine, Luther and the Inward Curve.” https://thegospelmatters.wordpress.com/2012/01/11/speaking-of-sin-luther-augustine-and-the-inward-curv/
Stoneking, Kristin. "Beloved Community In the UMC." Fellowship 81, no. 1-6 (2017):10.