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Both the man and the woman are listening to one another, but because they have been taught different ways of communicating, different values, and to have different purposes when speaking, they feel as if they are not communicating. A friendly debate for a man might seem like healthy competition, like a sport. To a woman, it can be hurtful to hear her opinions questioned by someone she loves. She is less concerned about the subject of the debate than how her husband feels about her.
Of course, some of these ideas are stereotypes. Not every woman plays hopscotch as a little girl, some women love softball. And some women love to debate, just as some men become social workers and listen well to other people. But it is helpful to be aware of these different cultural expectations, because even women who do not fit the stereotype may still have different expectations of what good listening and communication means. It is also important to remember that these stereotypes may be different from culture to culture. In a country like Greece or Italy, women and men may be more assertive and open to debate, because disagreeing is an accepted way of showing friendship. In nations like Japan, both men and women may be less quick to say what they feel in a direct fashion, because it is not considered polite to speak so openly. Also, different cultures may have more strict ways of raising male and female children. American culture is becoming more tolerant of male and female variety, so some of these communication...
Both men and women, all over the world, can learn from the other gender's different communication style. A man can learn from a woman the importance of just letting someone talk, learning about someone by hearing their problems, without trying to fix those problems. A woman can learn that sometimes it is best not to brood about some problems, and finding a solution can make her feel better. A woman can learn to be more direct in expressing what she wants, like saying "let's go to dinner!" when she is hungry, and not to feel hurt if someone is not hungry or does not like her favorite restaurant. The criticism is not personal; it is not about her character. A man can learn to pick up on more subtle social cues: "I know that you're hungry!" He can also try to be a better listener, and not simply lecture about facts to show his greater knowledge of a subject, in a competitive spirit. Deborah Tannen believes that learning the language of the other gender can be as useful as learning a foreign language for men and women. Learning about the differences in communication between the genders teaches men and women that everyone is different, that differences are not necessarily bad, and ultimately makes both men and women better listeners.
Works Cited
Tannen, Deborah. (20066). "Why can't he hear what I'm saying?" Reading Across Cultures. New York: Pearson. P.308.
Works Cited
Tannen, Deborah. (20066). "Why can't he hear what I'm saying?" Reading Across Cultures. New York: Pearson. P.308.
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