Compassion in Pastoral Ministry: An RCIA Reflection

Background and Parish Context

I served my ministry at a suburban parish that consists primarily of Americans from the suburbs and some from the city across the river. People come to this parish because it is conservative. For that reason, the parish consists of many people who hold conservative views about the Church and towards life in ways that some might consider outside the norm.

The parish draws newcomers from both sides of the river because the church building itself is remarkable — it features beautiful paintings and statues inside, and its architecture reflects an older style. The ministry I served was an adult catechism RCIA class. The class consisted of adults from the parish as well as newcomers. All of the participants, about thirty in number, were baptized Catholics. Some were familiar with one another; others — mainly the newcomers — were not.

At this class, the parish priest wanted me to help demonstrate compassion for the diverse group. He had noticed that it was difficult for newcomers to fit in right away. This particular parish always seemed to have new visitors but never seemed to grow. The newcomers were unfamiliar with the regular parishioners, and the priest suspected that the in-group of the parish was not very responsive to their needs. He did not want the parish to be shunning newcomers or making them feel like lesser Catholics. He wanted them to feel welcome and encouraged to become part of the parish. He wanted the adult catechism class to be a place where people could talk and share ideas and experiences. My role was to introduce some of the newcomers to long-standing members of the parish and to demonstrate compassion by being empathetic to the needs of those newcomers.

The class was structured more as a discussion session. The parish priest introduced a theme: What does God expect of us, and how do we know what this is? He then asked the class to discuss this question among themselves and encouraged everyone to mingle and introduce themselves to any new people they had not yet met.

Description of the RCIA Session

One newcomer was named Randy (not his real name). He was 27 and recently married to a woman who already had one son. He and his wife also had a baby on the way. He was shy and did not introduce himself to others, but he was clearly interested in learning more about the parish and about what he should believe as a Catholic. I saw him sitting alone and introduced myself to him. I then introduced him to Wayne (not his real name). Wayne is 69 and a grandfather of several children. His wife has passed away, but he has been a long-standing member of the parish and is very conservative in his views and deeply devoted to the Mass. Wayne was happy to meet Randy, but the conversation was brief and Wayne quickly moved on to speak with someone else.

The discussions I observed were not focusing much on the theme the priest had introduced. In one group of five parishioners, the topic was being discussed loudly. A couple of newcomers stood nearby listening but were hesitant to join in because they did not know the parishioners involved. I spoke to Randy and asked him what he thought about the question the parish priest had posed. Randy smiled and looked bashful. He said he did not know, but that he thought God wanted us to be good and to show love to others — though he was unsure how we could know this. "Maybe because that's what the Bible says, but…" He trailed off. I said, "Tell me about yourself. Where do you come from?"

He said, "I grew up on the west side. My mother used to take me to Mass. I didn't stick with it when I got into my teens, but I met my wife and we both thought it was important — like we were missing something. That's kind of what made us connect. Now I'm going to be a father and I want to have some answers for my child. I want to be able to guide him. I didn't get a lot of guidance growing up, but I got a little. I feel like I need to educate myself a bit more. That's kind of why I'm here."

I said, "That's great — it's very admirable that you're taking the time to learn. Why did you choose this parish? Do you live nearby?"

He said, "No. But something about the church made me think of my mom and how she always talked about it, because she grew up coming here. I wanted to know what it was that spoke to her about this place."

A young man named Robert (not his real name) approached us and introduced himself. He was 30 and had a wife and three young daughters. He had been a member of the parish for two years. Robert is friendly and makes an effort to introduce himself to newcomers, but his social skills are limited. He likes to discuss doctrine, and he attempted to talk about Church teaching and Church history with Randy. But Randy did not know much about those subjects. Robert did most of the talking, suggested some books for Randy to read, and then excused himself. I could tell that Randy was not getting what he needed from the exchange.

At the end of the session, I caught up with Randy on the way out. I asked him if he would like to meet for coffee so we could talk and I could answer any questions he might have. Randy smiled and said, "Actually, that would be great!" I gave him my cell number and he texted me right away. We shook hands. An hour later he texted a question: "How do we know what God wants?" I responded: "That's a really good question — I like that you ask that. I'm free tomorrow night if you are. Name the place and I will meet you."

The next night we met at a coffee shop. I did not bring any books. I simply wanted to get to know Randy better and for him to get to know me. We talked for two hours. I learned about his life and he learned about mine. At the end of the conversation, I said, "Randy, I think this is how we know what God wants — we get to know other people. I think God speaks to us through that kind of connection. Do you think so?" "I do," he said. We parted warmly, and he said, "We should do this again. I really enjoyed it."

Personal Reflection

When I came to America from Vietnam, I very much felt like an outsider. Everything was new to me — the sights, the sounds, the customs, and the expressions. People accustomed to their environment do not realize what a major impression even the smell of a place can make on someone who is not used to it. So I can empathize with those who are unused to a new parish — the sights, the smells, the choir singing, and the rite, if they are unfamiliar with it — all of it can be very overwhelming for newcomers. When I first arrived in America, I did not know what to think about life here and kept very much to myself, the way Randy did when he came to the RCIA discussion session.

One of the things that helped me fit in better was when a priest named Fr. Henry took notice of me and asked me about myself. I had never talked much about myself to anyone before, mainly because no one had really asked me to — but Fr. Henry seemed genuinely interested in getting to know me. He became a friend to me, and through that friendship I began to feel more confident in myself.

The lesson I took from that experience is that sometimes all we need is a friend who will stand by us and make us feel secure. That security helps us feel more confident. I think that without Fr. Henry, I might have become so lonely that I do not know what would have become of me. But his friendship gave me a light that helped me see more clearly the goodness of God. I believe I was able to remain positive about life and about learning more about the Faith because of Fr. Henry's simple desire to get to know me. I will always be grateful to him for that.

Bibliography

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