Becoming a Considerate Husband by Imitating Christ

Introduction: The Husband's Call to Imitate Christ

Paul writes in his letter to the Ephesians: "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" (Eph 5:25). It is a clear commandment, divine in nature, on what true husbandry is about: it is about selflessness and sacrifice, about leading by example in the same way that Christ led His disciples and all His followers. This paper discusses how, as an imitator of Christ, I am committed over the next 30 days to becoming a more considerate husband.

One of the examples that Christ gives to His disciples is this: Rome was not built in a day. In the Christian context, this means that Christ does not expect nor desire us to become something we are not virtually overnight. We are told, for instance, the analogy of the man who looked in a mirror and then promptly forgot what manner of man he was (James 1:24), or the parable of the man who swept his house only to be invaded by seven devils worse than the first (Matt 12:44). These stories suggest the folly of doing anything haphazardly and expecting permanent or lasting results. Rather, Christ recommends that we take time to change — that we remove ourselves from the distractions of the world and retreat in order to dwell upon our spiritual lives and primary aims. He does this by giving the example of going into the desert to pray and fast for forty days (Matt 4:1–11). He anticipates His coming Passion and knows that He must prepare for it; and so too does He know that we will face our own trials and crosses. He therefore gives us the example of taking time to prepare, so that we do not foolishly expect spiritual returns and consolations immediately, only to be overwhelmed by the assaults of an enemy who wants to lead us to despair.

This is the first point I must keep in mind as I make this commitment: time. I must give myself time to grow and develop. That is why I have chosen 30 days — an entire month — following the example of Our Lord, to stay focused on this goal so that I may more effectively attain it and likewise be prepared for the challenges ahead.

Christ as Model: Selflessness, Sacrifice, and Service

The first question is this: how do I expect to attain this goal? What example does Christ give me in order to do so? St. Paul speaks of Christ loving the Church and giving Himself up for it, and says that husbands should do the same for their wives. This truly is the place to start: I must remind myself that my wife is not here for me, but rather that I am here for my wife. This notion has multiple ramifications.

First, being here for my wife means that I must love her. A woman needs love just as a man needs respect.¹ It means I should not be dismissive of her feelings or of her desire to communicate them to me. It means I should help around the house, with the children, and with the chores. But there is more to it than that. There is a capacity as leader that I must fulfill — the example of goodness that I should give. In the spiritual realm, I must provide support in cultivating our spiritual lives together. After all, we are two in one flesh (Mark 10:8), and our spiritual life is no more separated than our physical life. We should learn to pray together, to fast together. This direction should come from me, just as Christ gave it to His disciples through His own example.

Second, how can I commit myself to this resolution? What method can I enact in order to attain this goal? Here, too, Christ gives examples I can imitate. Christ became man and "made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant… he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross" (Phil 2:6–8). For me, this suggests that I must be willing to devote myself to the Other in my life — my wife — and this devotion should come in the form of one who is humble and not centered on self. As Christ died on the cross, so too should I be willing to die to myself daily. Rather than focus on how I want the day to revolve around me and my needs, I can look at what I can do to help my wife and meet her needs. As she looks after the children, what can I do to ease that burden? As she cleans the house, what can I do to help?

Helping out in this way is good, but it can become tiring. To meet the challenge of weariness, I can again turn to the example of Christ, Whom I can imitate in His preparation. Christ spends time in prayer (Luke 5:16; Mark 1:35; Matt 14:23; Luke 6:12; Luke 9:28), withdrawing from the world. As Christ shows, this withdrawal is necessary because it allows us to replenish our souls so that we can return to the world and continue giving. It also allows us to spend time with God, making us more pleasing to Him. Union with God is, after all, the ultimate goal — and being considerate to my wife is one way I can better effect that union. Husbands can see the love of God shining through the love they have for their spouse.²

Scriptural Foundations for Considerate Husbandry

There are numerous imperatives in the Bible referring to how a husband should interact with his wife. Colossians 3:19 states, "Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them." This imperative is important for any husband committed to becoming more considerate. Christ loves sinners and is not harsh with them; on the contrary, He does not condemn them. So too should the husband be toward his wife.

Likewise, 1 Peter 3:7 states, "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers." Here it is clear that being inconsiderate to one's wife can act as an impediment to a husband's spiritual growth. Peter essentially says that charity begins at home, and that if a man cannot show charity to his wife, he will have little charity to show to God. Moreover, by showing consideration to my wife, I am showing obedience to God — something that Christ demonstrates often (Matt 12:50).³ This concept is important to keep in mind over the next month as I refine my attitude and manner of behaving toward my helpmate.

Therefore, the first step toward becoming a more considerate husband is to identify my own need to be with and rely upon God and His grace. This means withdrawing from the world and praying, in imitation of Christ Our Lord, Who did exactly this numerous times throughout His public life. I could adopt a routine of prayer — morning prayer when I wake up, or evening prayer before bed. Or I could take a walk in the afternoon and pray during that time. The schedule matters less than the commitment to the course of action. Prayer is a good thing, and Christ wants us to pray so that we can be ready to meet life's temptations.

The second step is to listen to Christ when He speaks to us. As John MacArthur notes, the will of God is found in Scripture.⁴ There, Christ speaks to us in many ways — in story, and directly, as when He delivers the Beatitudes. These beatitudes are helpful guides for any husband making a resolution such as this. For example, the fifth beatitude — "Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy" (Matt 5:7) — refers to those who follow Christ's example of showing mercy to sinners. This is an important beatitude for any husband to remember, because it strikes at the heart of what Christ is about. Christ is the personification of Mercy. He is merciful to all, and so too should the husband be to his wife. It is mercy that truly helps us understand and imitate Christ. As Leon Morris notes, "Luke sees [His] divine purpose as intimately bound up with the love and the mercy of God."⁵ So too should my role as spouse be bound up with the same love, mercy, and consideration for my wife.

Bibliography

Eggerichs, Emerson. Love and Respect. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2004.

Gates, Demetrice. Wisdom Crieth Out! Kansas City: Wisdom Crieth Out Ministries, 2000.

MacArthur, John. How to Study the Bible. Chicago: Moody Publishers, 2009.

Morris, Leon. Jesus is Christ: Studies in the Theology of John. Grand Rapids: Eerdmans Publishing, 1989.

Sheen, Fulton. Three to Get Married. NJ: Scepter Publishing, 1951.