This personal essay traces the author's journey of self-discovery through the lens of a childhood box of Crayola crayons. Beginning with early artistic exploration, the narrative evolves to examine how creative freedom translated into personal agency and independent decision-making. The author reflects on overcoming a serious health challenge and how the symbolic act of choosing colors—and breaking social expectations about "correct" coloring—became a metaphor for trusting oneself and following individual instincts. The essay argues that seemingly small moments of creative choice can profoundly shape one's confidence to make autonomous decisions throughout life.
I still smile when I open a gold and green box of Crayola crayons, smelling the colorful waxy sticks and feeling excited by the infinite options before me. There are 64 brilliant colors waiting for me to create my own masterpieces, to move the ideas from my imagination onto paper, and to share my work of creativity with the world. The instant I received my first box of crayons was one of the most important moments of my life.
My random toddler scribbles soon advanced into pictures with shapes to color. When given pictures to fill in, I would continuously wonder: "Why this color? And why do I have to try to remain inside the lines?" To me, it didn't make sense. Who said that an elephant couldn't be pink? It occurred to me that if I could create my own images in my head, I should show them to others.
This realization is when my creativity took over. Taking out my box of crayons, I would scan over the array of colors, deciding which would be the lucky one I would choose. Out of the sixty-four-color box, I would select which color I wanted to use for my dog. Whether I chose Fuzzy Wuzzy Brown or Jazzberry Jam Fuchsia, it didn't matter. I realized I made my own choices, and it changed my life forever.
For me, a simple box of Crayola crayons allowed me to express who I am and forged the path for making my own decisions. I colored my dog Jazzberry Jam, and it looked beautiful. My airplanes were Razzmatazz, my grass was Outrageous Orange, and my sky was Mango Tango—because I chose to portray them that way. Since the very first box of crayons, Crayola has expanded its horizons from beginning with only 8 basic colors. I discovered that their insignias and names have grown over the years. Just like my beloved crayons, I too have changed.
Growing up, I was always encouraged to create my own thoughts, decisions, and actions. Trusting in yourself and having the ability to be determined in the face of making your own decisions goes a long way when trying to fulfill your dreams. Getting my first box of crayons meant so much more to me than just putting color on paper. Choosing what I wanted to draw and what color it would be was my first experience at making individual decisions. Colors shed light into the possibilities of my future.
Like the variety of colors, there is a variety of choices that we have, which empower us to do as we please, not as we are told. As a child, life didn't seem as promising as it does now. Unlike most children, I had to spend a majority of my childhood in the hospital undergoing a series of tests and CAT scans. When I found out I had a cancerous tumor, my hope in life was similar to a colorless crayon. I always had to listen to people, family, and doctors. I never had many opportunities to make choices for myself, or even to be myself.
The removal of my tumor opened up so many doors. It reinforced how important it is to trust in myself and follow my instincts, because life is too short to not take every opportunity I have to color the world the way I see it.
"Crayons as foundation for lifelong questioning and choice"
Although others may have seen that 64-color box of crayons as insignificant, it fueled my discovery that I have the ability to make my own choices and follow my individual instincts, despite the pressures of the "norm." The simple act of choosing a crayon color became a metaphor for autonomy, resilience, and the power of defining oneself on one's own terms.
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