Family Communication Challenges in Diverse Relationships

Introduction: Communication as the Foundation of Healthy Relationships

The high divorce rate in the United States — and elsewhere in Western nations — is one indication that good communication, or any meaningful communication at all, is absent from many relationships. Certainly there are always challenges in any relationship, but couples should enter marriage and long-term commitments with the understanding that difficulties will arise. Without training or background in how to communicate effectively, their chances for success are reduced. This paper reports on and examines those issues based on the available literature.

As difficult as some relationships can be — given different personality types and social or family distractions that come into play — in nearly every instance there are answers as to why relationship challenges are either met or not met. Because there are identifiable solutions to many challenges that partners and spouses face, couples should seek advice and counsel on how to achieve those solutions prior to breaking up or launching divorce proceedings.

Importance to Family Communication

The problems that married couples have — as well as those who are cohabitating — are often related to a failure to communicate effectively. Communication is not simply a matter of talking to one another, although that is a pivotal part of it. Rather, genuine communication means actually sharing honest feelings and interacting with candor. Too often, according to the literature, people enter marriage and relationships with unrealistic expectations. Yet the literature is rich with appropriate, positive relationship-sustaining information, and there are counselors skilled in helping to mediate differences between couples. It is therefore a serious failing of society that so many couples part before truly exploring the communication strategies that could resolve their problems.

Challenges for Immigrant Families

In the peer-reviewed journal Social Policy & Administration, the authors provide great detail on the many challenges that immigrant families — in particular first-generation immigrant families — face when settling into Western European countries. The reasons offered for these difficulties are important to the issue of family communication. For example, because the care of young children is a primary need for these families, husband and wife must rely on each other for childcare given the "absence of close kin networks to support childcare" (Wall, et al., 2004, p. 591).

When a family migrates to a new country, bringing an entirely different set of cultural values and lifestyles, and there are no other families from that same ethnic background — no cousins, uncles, or grandparents to help rear the children — strong communication within the family becomes essential for its survival. There are enormous challenges for a family that has decided to leave its home country and migrate to another, one filled with unknowns.

Wall reports that there are "strong pressures" arising from the economic issues facing first-generation immigrants. Those families need to put in "long working hours" with "atypical timetables" — the only job an immigrant might qualify for may be minimum wage and may fall on the night shift (Wall, p. 592).

The authors conducted interviews with 19 families in France, all of whom had come from Africa. Two of these families managed work and care through "negotiation within the family," meaning that the mother and father had to communicate — and cooperate — very effectively in determining who would work during certain hours and who would remain at home with the children. The "work/care balance is achieved through the negotiated, mutual adjustment of couples' working hours and care responsibilities" (Wall, p. 595). Among the families interviewed were those who had felt great pressure to emigrate from Africa to France; their challenges included "long periods of waiting for legalization, followed by entry into low-paid, unqualified jobs" (Wall, p. 597).

The pressure on a married couple that has waited perhaps years but finally been officially accepted as legal immigrants — and who must now struggle to train and work simultaneously so that sufficient income can be found to support children — is almost too much to bear (Wall, p. 597). In such a situation, good communication between parents must be maintained in order to get past the roadblocks that immigration presents, including the possibility of racial antagonism directed at them because of their African heritage.

In summary, it would be hard to imagine a more difficult situation than an immigrant family from Africa facing a Caucasian-majority country with few skills, several children to feed and raise, and an urgent need to earn enough money to survive. On the other hand, the conditions that motivated emigration — civil wars, disease, abject poverty, scarce natural resources — may have made the prospect of a new life in France genuinely appealing. Still, good communication for the immigrant couple settling into France is an absolute imperative for survival and ultimate social success. This links well to the thesis of this paper: there are solutions, and they can be found and adopted by immigrants.

When a Child Has Serious Mental Disabilities

A scholarly article in the American Journal of Psychotherapy presents the issues that parents face when they have a child with serious mental disabilities. Families that must deal with mental illness often experience "disruption of the family's life cycle," along with a profound sense of "isolation" (Abrams, 2009, p. 305). Additional pressure is placed on parents by societal attitudes toward mental disabilities, which Abrams characterizes as "ambivalent and marginalizing at best and shunning at worst" (Abrams, p. 305).

Given this situation — in which families feel "shamed," as though they somehow deliberately created a child who does not fit into the mainstream — "communication problems" within and outside the family can be expected to develop. Indeed, some families, due to the "pain and stigma attached to the disorder," go through a period of denial, Abrams explains (p. 306). In these instances, any discussion about the problems the family faces is "discouraged," raising the question: how can good communication flow when no one wishes to speak about the difficulty? (Abrams, p. 306).

As a rule, relationships within the family tend to become strained. However, relationships between siblings can be positive, because through his or her brothers and sisters, the disabled child often learns to "interact with peers," try on "different roles, manage disagreements, handle rivalry, and learn to share secrets as well as belongings" (Abrams, p. 306). Abrams devotes considerable space in this article to discussing how important siblings are to the welfare of the mentally challenged child, and to examining the parents' inconsistencies with regard to their children's needs — both social and family-related.

An example of poor parental communication in this context can be instructive. Abrams alludes to Justin, the younger brother of Alexandra, who had "behavioral, learning, and emotional problems." Justin was often ignored by his parents not because they did not love him, but because they were "frequently unavailable to fulfill Justin's needs" due to his older sister's demands. They expected him to behave because they were immediately drawn to Alexandra's "constant crises" and therefore did not have time for Justin (Abrams, p. 312). Whatever communication the parents had about their children was centered on their troubled daughter, much to Justin's detriment.

While parents' motivation in such cases is to protect the child with the mental handicap, a "common belief is that not talking about something prevents it from being painful," Abrams reports (p. 314). A remedy is for parents to communicate first with each other about the need for family understanding: "talking is useful because it minimizes isolation and exclusion" (Abrams, p. 315). "Lines of communication need to be established" between parents and between all family members, Abrams continues, and "opening dialogues about these unspoken topics" will facilitate solutions (p. 316). Having conversations to break the silence is precisely what the thesis of this paper recommends: there are remedies and solutions — they simply need to be embraced.

Conclusion and Directions for Future Research

The five articles reviewed and critiqued in this paper do not cover all the potential challenges found in relationships. However, whether the need for improved communication relates to African immigrants in France, families with a mentally disabled child, issues revolving around gender identity and relationship disclosure, divorce within the African-American community, or Latino youth emerging from gangs to start families, one salient point comes through clearly. Relationships thrive when couples work together to solve problems related to family — which requires an open and honest line of communication.

Future research should embrace the specific relationship struggles that same-sex couples encounter now that the laws in many states allow those couples to marry. Simply getting married solves nothing in itself; but building a strong relationship through honest, communicative interaction can help provide solutions for almost any challenge a couple or family faces.

Works Cited

Abrams, M.S. (2009). The Well Sibling: Challenges and Possibilities. American Journal of Psychotherapy, 63(4), 305–318.

Alegria, C.A. (2010). Relationship challenges and relationship maintenance activities following disclosure of transsexualism. Journal of Psychiatric and Mental Health Nursing, 17(10), 909–916.

Dixon, P. (2009). Marriage Among African-Americans: What Does the Research Reveal? Journal of African-American Studies, 13(1), 29–46.

Lesser, J., Oscos-Sanchez, M.A., and Davis, C. (2010). Latino Adolescent Mothers and Fathers in South Texas Managing Violence. Issues in Mental Health Nursing, 31(2), 96–102.

Wall, K., and Sao Jose, J. (2004). Managing Work and Care: A Difficult Challenge for Immigrant Families. Social Policy & Administration, 38(6), 591–621.

Annotated Bibliography

Abrams, M.S. (2009). The Well Sibling: Challenges and Possibilities. American Journal of Psychotherapy, 63(4), 305–318. This article relates to the family that has a mentally disabled child and explores how the siblings in that family receive less attention than they normally would because of the mentally troubled child's needs.

Alegria, C.A. (2010). Relationship challenges and relationship maintenance activities following disclosure of transsexualism. Journal of Psychiatric and Mental Health Nursing, 17(10), 909–916. It is clear from this article that individuals who have transitioned should be open and honest with their partner before entering a serious relationship. Communication could help a couple avoid a painful shock.

Dixon, P. (2009). Marriage Among African-Americans: What Does the Research Reveal? Journal of African-American Studies, 13(1), 29–46. Why is the divorce rate so high in African-American relationships, and why do fewer African-American women choose to marry? This article offers answers to both questions and provides a concise, clear description of the need for good communication when Black women and men are in a relationship.

Lesser, J., Oscos-Sanchez, M.A., and Davis, C. (2010). Latino Adolescent Mothers and Fathers in South Texas Managing Violence. Issues in Mental Health Nursing, 31(2), 96–102. When a young inner-city Latino couple has a baby, that birth often draws them away from gangs and risky behaviors and into an opportunity to make positive life changes.

Wall, K., and Sao Jose, J. (2004). Managing Work and Care: A Difficult Challenge for Immigrant Families. Social Policy & Administration, 38(6), 591–621. An immigrant family from Africa that settles into a new life in France must juggle work and family responsibilities, but according to this article, a typical immigrant family in this context does find solutions to economic and social challenges.