Interpersonal Communication Skills for a Healthy Marriage

Principles of and Barriers to Effective Interpersonal Communication

Congratulations on your engagement. It marks a huge milestone in life, and on this happy occasion, I wish to enlighten you about effective interpersonal communication through information I learned in a course I took, as well as my personal experiences. Familiarity with a partner's communication approach and the application of both nonverbal and verbal communication are of great significance in relationships. They will contribute a great deal to decreasing instances of miscommunication. A key point to note is that conflict is inevitable in all human relationships and no marriage is without conflict; however, successful relationships arise out of effective conflict resolution or management. I am aware of the deep affection you both hold for one another, which will undoubtedly aid you in weathering any storms in your relationship. I intend for this letter to guide you on obstacles to effective communication, ways to surmount them, the use of communication for self-improvement and improvement of your significant other, interpersonal conflict resolution via communication, and the influence of cultures and genders on communication.

Communication represents an inescapable aspect of human life. One cannot simply "not communicate" — this idea has been commonly used to illustrate the fact of constant, inevitable human communication. Even when you are not verbally expressing your views or feelings, your body language, clothing, and facial expressions are visible to your partner, who will derive meaning from them (Braithwaite & Schrodt, 2014). Further, communication is an irreversible process, which means you cannot retract any offensive or hurtful words spoken at a later time. All you can do is feel remorse and apologize, but this can leave a slightly bitter, permanent mark. Communication is also a complex process. Dr. Julia Wood's (2015) definition of communication is as follows: communication denotes a systemic phenomenon of personal interaction using symbols for creating and interpreting meanings. Finally, communication is a contextual process, occurring within contextual frameworks, including psychological, cultural, relational, and situational contexts.

There are three commonly identified obstacles to spousal communication. First, residual negative emotions from past relationships, if bottled up, will haunt a person and surface when least anticipated. These are activated by similar circumstances in life, which crop up unconsciously. So long as one fails to recognize and give vent to them, they can adversely impact communication with a partner, who will be unaware of the real source of any overreaction (Stewart, 2002). To move past negative emotions, you must be honest with your betrothed, sharing all emotions and problems you experience. After all, it has been rightly said that sharing a problem is half solving it.

Secondly, poor self-esteem has enormous ill effects on a person's interpersonal communication. Be bold enough to convey your thoughts — they are definitely worthy — because the inability to do so sends the wrong, misleading message to your partner, and he or she will end up believing whatever they wish, which may differ from what you intended (Stewart, 2002). To surmount poor self-esteem, recognize that you are equally important partners in your engagement; both of you are necessary for the relationship to thrive. Take accountability for your actions and communication, and wherever necessary, reach out and communicate openly with your betrothed.

Finally, relationships lacking commitment suffer significant communication obstacles. Non-commitment generally arises from not knowing one's expectations or lacking the resolve to do the right things. It contributes meaningfully to communication breakdown, as it can be easily detected and is deeply off-putting. Addressing communication with an indifferent partner begins by drawing his or her attention to the issue (Stewart, 2002). Let your partner know that you wish for their full attention, or that they need to change their indifferent attitude during communication because it is affecting you.

The Role of Communication in Developing Self-Concept, Self-Image, and Self-Esteem

Just like all other skills, building one's self-image requires the devotion of effort and time. Developing superior self-esteem entails harboring positive, reasonable thoughts about oneself and the surrounding world, recognizing one's value, and portraying responsible behavior toward other people. Self-esteem deals with self-respect rather than self-absorption, and it develops by working from the inside out — that is, by changing your outlook before altering external circumstances. Such positive thinking should aim at developing a positive self-concept: you need to have an honest view of yourself and accept yourself, eliminating every internal obstacle preventing you from being at your best. The present world is highly complex, and to effectively tackle the challenges it presents, developing a sound personal foundation is imperative (Knapp & Hall, 2010). This foundation must encompass self-knowledge, self-confidence, and self-love. A healthy or positive self-concept necessitates knowing yourself, loving yourself, and being honest with yourself.

Sound communication aids in developing self-image, self-esteem, and self-concept through the feedback it generates; moreover, sustained positive feedback aids in maintaining these aspects. Self-concept is maintained through one's interpersonal relationships. Remember that both your partner's and your own self-concept have undergone continual transformation over time and have shaped who you are today. Your many relationships — with family, friends, and others — help you define yourself.

Self-Disclosure and Emotional Intelligence in Relationships

Self-disclosure forms an integral tool for establishing rapport in relationships. Different relationships call for the communication of different facts about oneself. At first, you may hesitate to let your partner know all of your intimate secrets. Effective communication skills encompass knowing appropriate self-disclosure levels. The social penetration theory, put forward in 1973, likened disclosure to peeling the layers of an onion (Bevan & Sole, 2014). As your relationship strengthens, you will naturally begin opening up and sharing more about yourself. Bear in mind that open communication is the key to a successful marriage, entailing sharing all things with one another and leaving no significant secret untold.

After understanding and knowing yourself, you can effectively demonstrate emotional intelligence. The ability to pay active, empathetic attention to others has been positively associated with sound levels of emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence encompasses monitoring, regulating, and discriminating among your own and your betrothed's feelings in order to drive your behavior and attitudes (Bevan & Sole, 2014). Emotional intelligence proves highly significant to a marriage, as you need to appreciate and consider your partner's emotions and thoughts at all times. Emotional understanding means knowing the sources of personal and others' emotional experiences. Emotion management deals with the appropriate regulation of personal and others' emotions. Harnessing emotions entails problem resolution and attainment of other goals through the constructive use of emotions (Malouff, Schutte, & Thorsteinsson, 2014).

Emotional intelligence also involves knowing when you need to be together and when you need to be apart. It is imperative that you give one another personal space. While the desire to spend much of your time together is natural and good, you must occasionally spend time — a few hours or a day or two — away from each other. Marriage or an engagement does not require you to remain by each other's side around the clock. Personal space is a must. You can love your partner and still live your own life (Bevan, Hefner, & Love, 2014). This can involve doing leisure activities you enjoy most with friends — for instance, women can go shopping with friends while men can attend a basketball game. The key is to find the right balance among completing everyday responsibilities, finding personal time, and spending quality time with your partner.

Conclusion

This letter, addressed to a newly engaged couple, has dealt with obstacles to effective communication, ways to surmount them, the use of communication for self-improvement and the improvement of your significant other, interpersonal conflict resolution via communication, and the influence of culture and gender on communication. Communication is complex, inevitable, contextual, and irreversible. The three common obstacles to spousal communication are negative emotions, non-commitment, and poor self-esteem. Sound communication aids in developing self-image, self-esteem, and self-concept through the feedback it generates; moreover, sustained positive feedback aids in maintaining these aspects. Self-concept is maintained through one's interpersonal relationships. Effective communication skills encompass knowing appropriate self-disclosure levels. Bear in mind that open communication is the key to a successful marriage. Emotional intelligence also involves knowing when you need to be together and when you need to be apart. Talking is the ideal means to settle disagreements — discuss your expectations, likes, and dislikes openly. Compromise represents another ideal conflict resolution strategy. Culture influences people's self-concepts, views of others, decisions, and attributions, while gender and culture together inform people's choice of vocabulary, facial expressions, and body language in communication.

References

Bevan, J. L., & Sole, K. (2014). Making connections: Understanding interpersonal communication (2nd ed.). San Diego, CA: Bridgepoint Education, Inc.

Bevan, J. L., Hefner, V., & Love, A. (2014). An exploration of topics, conflict styles, and rumination in romantic nonserial and serial arguments. Southern Communication Journal, 79(4), 347–360.

Braithwaite, D. O., & Schrodt, P. (Eds.). (2014). Engaging theories in interpersonal communication: Multiple perspectives. Sage Publications.

Knapp, M. L., & Hall, J. A. (2010). Nonverbal communication in human interaction (7th ed.). Wadsworth.

Malouff, J. M., Schutte, N. S., & Thorsteinsson, E. B. (2014). Trait emotional intelligence and romantic relationship satisfaction: A meta-analysis. American Journal of Family Therapy, 42(1), 53–66.

Rosenblatt, P. C., & Rieks, S. J. (2009). No compromise: Couples dealing with issues for which they do not see a compromise. American Journal of Family Therapy, 37(3), 196–208.

Stewart, J. (Ed.). (2002). Bridges not walls: A book about interpersonal communication. New York: McGraw-Hill.

Wood, J. (2011). Gendered lives: Communication, gender, and culture. Wadsworth.

Wood, J. T. (2015). Interpersonal communication: Everyday encounters. Nelson Education.