Eventually, I did take a hit from the joint and immediately became doubly annoyed. First, by the applause and the congratulatory responses that seemed so ridiculous; second, by the fact that I'd been swept up by the momentum of this wave of social pressure. I regretted that I had allowed my actions to be determined by a group of other people the same way a rough sea overpowers and carries a rowboat caught in the storm goes wherever the current takes it. In retrospect, I wished that I had been more like a motorboat strong enough to maintain my direction and course through the water, even I the roughest of seas.
Actually, the process of giving in to peer pressure in this regard took place over the course of a few separate interactions, some more subtle than others. Ultimately, I did participate in smoking a joint with some of my classmates...
Besides feeling very guilty for doing something that I knew was illegal, it bothered me that I was doing something I derived no real enjoyment from in the first place.
Yes, it made me laugh a lot, but I also felt very disoriented when I was high and I hated the way that it seemed to change my
perception of time and my focus. I remembered trying to find a picture in a magazine and forgetting what I was looking for.
Another time I came home very late after getting high and locked my door to blast some
music on my headphones and ended up waking everybody in the house because I forgot to plug the headphones in. I decided to stop doing it and I resolved never to be swept up in the wave of peer pressure again. I promised myself the following: "Next time, I promise to be like a motorboat cutting through the surf and never again to be like a rowboat overpowered by the sea currents." It is a promise that I have kept to this day.
