Domestic Violence in Military Families: Resilience and Counseling

Introduction

Everyone is vulnerable to domestic violence and can become a victim anywhere and at any time, regardless of race, level of education, military service, gender, religion, age, or ethnicity. Service members and their families often experience significant stress. However, stress is not a justification, explanation, or excuse for domestic violence. Likewise, alcohol, anger, or drugs do not explain or excuse abusive behavior. It is therefore important for military families — including service members, parents, spouses, caregivers, and siblings — to know about the valuable resources available to victims of domestic violence. Loving relationships should not encompass any form of criminal behavior such as domestic violence, nor is abuse an acceptable or normal by-product of military service life (Buchanan et al., 2009).

Every member of a military family should be able to identify domestic violence in its various forms, including: sexual violence (rape); physical violence (grabbing, hitting, yanking, pushing, choking, biting, slapping, etc.); emotional or psychological abuse (insulting, humiliating, ignoring, isolating, controlling financially, etc.); threats of sexual or physical abuse (through looks, words, or control gestures intended to frighten); and stalking (harassing, following, or tracking electronically to instill fear). If a military family member experiences any of these situations, they should take action to protect themselves and seek proper care. Behavioral health professionals can treat the psychological issues that cause perpetrators to harm their spouses. Military families also have access to individual or couples counseling services, housing assistance for shelter, and legal advice. This paper discusses domestic violence in military families through the lens of a case vignette and examines applicable resilience frameworks and counseling interventions (Defence Task Force on Domestic Violence, n.d.).

A Fictional Military Family Vignette

Sarah is a 41-year-old woman. The perpetrator is a veteran and her second husband; her first marriage was also abusive. She has endured domestic abuse for over 20 years. Sarah is a Christian and holds a college degree in information technology. However, she stopped working after her husband forced her to resign from her job and become a full-time homemaker.

Individual and Family Dynamics, Concerns, Challenges, and Stressors

Sarah has six sons. The youngest three came with her when she fled the home; the older two remained with the perpetrator by their own choice, even though he is not their biological father. The oldest son had already left home independently. Sarah suffered from emotional, physical, sexual, and financial abuse, as well as controlling behavior. She described her husband as "very clever and manipulative." He is also ex-armed forces, and Sarah was clearly very afraid of him. She had no friends and only elderly parents to support her. She believed her older children had been turned against her by the perpetrator and that they blamed her for leaving. From the day of her arrival at a place of safety, the perpetrator was constantly calling Sarah, directing her behavior and shouting at her.

Sarah was also meeting with the perpetrator to facilitate contact with the younger children. Shortly after she left, he initiated court proceedings to gain custody of the younger children. At that point, Children's Services became involved after a four-year-old child remarked at school that his father had hurt him. Sarah presented with a range of related issues, including post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). She experienced flashbacks of the abusive relationship, felt unsafe and hypervigilant, and suffered from depression, anxiety, emotional withdrawal, panic attacks, low self-esteem, and feelings of helplessness. She felt guilty for not leaving the relationship sooner because of her children and blamed herself for the abuse inflicted by both husbands. Sarah also had a history of childhood trauma for which she had never received treatment (Buchanan et al., 2009).

Incorporation of Resiliency

Psychological resilience is an individual's ability to "bounce back" after experiencing adversity such as domestic violence. The way in which victims of domestic violence survive and ultimately thrive after traumatic experiences is both remarkable and inspiring. Resilience is an innate human capacity present within each person. It can be learned and developed because it is not a fixed trait but rather a skill that every person can cultivate. According to the Resilience Research Centre, resilience is an individual's capacity to negotiate and navigate useful resources to sustain their well-being. For a domestic violence victim, this means the ability to create plans and follow through with them, to manage feelings and impulses, and to solve problems. It is more than a skill — it is an adaptation (Gewirtz & Youssef, 2016).

Trauma is a common part of human experience. This means that military family victims of domestic violence can overcome their traumatic experiences and attain successful, well-adjusted lives. Research by University of Minnesota psychologist Ann Masten has demonstrated that resilience is a remarkable and distinctive phenomenon — human adaptation to trauma is both real and powerful. Post-traumatic growth, a concept advanced by Bruce Ellis of the University of Arizona, counterbalances a purely deficit-based model of trauma by helping people understand how humans change after experiences such as domestic violence. Adverse childhood experiences, while harmful, can foster the development of specialized adaptive skills. The positive changes that emerge after trauma can illuminate the factors behind a strengthened resilience capacity (Johnson, 2008).

Military family members who are victims of domestic violence require internal support (such as problem-solving and communication skills), external support (such as caring family and friends), and existential support (such as religious and cultural values) in order to develop psychological resilience after a traumatic experience. Culture promotes resilience, shapes how people build networks, determines which skills and abilities are valued, and influences core beliefs and values. An individual's cultural background can therefore affect their response to trauma and shape different expressions of resilience. Building resilience capacity involves being risk-focused — minimizing or preventing exposure to adversity — and asset-focused — increasing access to resources. It also requires a process-oriented approach that harnesses the power of adaptive networks and systems (Gewirtz & Youssef, 2016).

Most importantly, military family victims of domestic violence require supportive, caring relationships both within and outside the family to develop the resilience needed to overcome trauma. Victims find role models in relationships that offer love and trust, providing the reassurance and encouragement needed to strengthen personal resilience. Advocates and helpers working with domestic violence victims also need to cultivate their own resilience capacity. Modeling this critical process is powerful enough to help survivors develop adaptive skills. According to Psychology Today, the healing process involves using the wisdom gained from traumatic experience to live a more fulfilling life — not becoming a different person, but a more empowered version of oneself (Johnson, 2008).

Life is ever-evolving, and so is resilience. It is a journey without end, just like the healing process. With resilience skills, victims are better able to cope, navigate, and thrive even in the presence of ongoing adversity. Victims and those who support them can build resilience by identifying and naming their experience, telling their story, practicing mindfulness, grounding themselves in their bodies, and seeking support. Through their own inner strength, survivors can create better health (In Lockhart & In Danis, 2010).

Conclusion

Various stressors characterize military life and affect both veterans and their families. Mental health professionals are only beginning to fully understand these stressors and their consequences. Military families, like any other, can experience domestic violence and other forms of abuse. A range of resources has been established to help abuse victims overcome their traumatic experiences. From cognitive behavioral therapy to mindfulness-based approaches, victims have access to diverse and effective interventions. Programs are also in place to support access to medical care, counseling, shelter, and other essential services.

Counselors help victims develop resilience to overcome traumatic experiences and begin living healthier, happier lives. Counseling is offered not only to individual victims but to their entire families. Trained resiliency counselors bring considerable expertise to their work with military families affected by violence — helping survivors recognize that they are being abused and teaching them to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy relationships. Victims of domestic violence can overcome their experiences and build fulfilling lives. What they need most is appropriate counseling and meaningful support from their families, communities, and the dedicated professionals equipped to serve them.

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