Family Systems Theory: Therapy for a Family With Domestic Violence

Family Dynamics and Childhood Trauma

Claudia and Margaret both suffered violence at a young age and are therefore prone to committing acts of aggression, with a greater likelihood of developing symptoms such as anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem compared to those who experienced a violence-free childhood. Being victims of, and exposed to, family violence during childhood can cause both Claudia and Margaret to become either victims or offenders. Margaret was a victim of violence in her youth and resorted to aggression as a means of resolving conflicts in her relationships; her personality structure incorporates shame, anger, and guilt. Claudia, also victimized in childhood, struggles to regulate her emotions — particularly anger — and exhibits a higher tolerance for adult intimate abuse. Having been victimized or exposed to abuse, they not only display aggressive behaviors but also possess ineffective coping strategies and weak communication skills (Beatty, 2013).

In conducting therapy with couples and families, it is well established that past unresolved wounds become prominent factors affecting intimate relationships in adulthood. Such deeply entrenched wounds result in ineffective communication, high distress levels, heightened frustration, and greater risks of domestic violence (Beatty, 2013). Consequently, although Claudia and Margaret sought to escape their past relationship patterns, they appear to have reconstructed attachment styles and relationship dynamics that continue to perpetuate violence. Margaret suffered at the hands of abusive, controlling parents, which instilled in her a desire to dominate others and a preference for environments that — misleadingly — make her feel secure. She finds it difficult to empathize with others, with Claudia being the primary target of her callousness. She therefore frequently resorts to partner violence. The kind of attachment a child forms with his or her primary caretaker partly determines the degree of resilience or traumatization that child experiences. Attachment is complementary and is the process of interconnecting intimate messages developed over many exchanges and experiences.

Attachment Styles and Intimate Partner Violence

The attachment styles observable in this family are of two kinds: insecure and secure. Claudia consistently displays an insecure attachment style, which encompasses dismissing, fearful-avoidant, and preoccupied patterns. A childhood attachment style in Claudia that was insecure-disoriented/disorganized became fearful-avoidant in adulthood; insecure-resistant/ambivalent became insecure-preoccupied, while an insecure-dismissing childhood attachment style remained insecure-dismissing in adulthood.

The attachment style established during childhood for both women remained consistent into adulthood. Although fluidity can be seen in relating to different individuals, attachment styles remain relatively constant over time. Research findings indicate that adults who experienced encouragement, affection, warmth, and empathy in childhood are more likely to form secure attachments to their primary figures and less likely to engage in violence in adult relationships (Beatty, 2013). While Margaret displays adequate social and communication skills that incline her toward more secure adult relationship attachments, Claudia requires repeated attention and reassurance. Being partnered with an individual who possesses a more independent personality makes Claudia all the more vulnerable to intimate abuse.

Lesbian or adult intimate/domestic violence may involve anything from verbal, emotional, and psychological abuse to sexual abuse and coercion. In this instance, intimate violence takes the form of put-downs and intimidation (Beatty, 2013). The domestic violence in this case stems from Margaret's controlling and coercive behavior, which limits, directs, and shapes her partner's feelings, thoughts, and actions. For a broader overview of how attachment theory explains the development of these relationship patterns, see the foundational work of Bowlby and Ainsworth.