Grey with a way to accommodate the needs of their Ids and their Superegos. Their Superegos imposed the societal constraints on sexual relationships, which would drive both Lee and Mr. Grey to enter into monogamous sexual relationships. Their Ids drove Lee and Mr. Grey to seek immediate gratification of their aggressive urges through sexual behavior. By entering into a relationship with each other that allows them to fulfill both needs, Lee and Mr. Grey allow their Egos to reconcile the needs of their Ids and Superegos. Furthermore, the Secretary addresses the issue of sexuality, and highlights the intimate relationship between sexuality and aggression. The unusual thing about the Secretary is that it demonstrates that a relationship that might be viewed as deviant was actually helpful to both members of the relationship. Prior to becoming involved with one another, Lee and Mr. Grey are both in pretty bad shape. Lee was cutting herself. Mr. Grey was obsessive-compulsive in an almost paralyzing manner. However, Mr. Grey's need to be perfect combines with Lee's need to be corrected, and the two combine to form a unit that works well for the two of them.

The Secretary also challenges the assumptions about S&M relationships. By showing that the sadist, Mr. Grey, never threatens the submissive, Lee, with actual harm or danger, the Secretary reveals that the power structure in their relationship is actually...

While it is clear how Mr. Grey is able to release his aggression; he literally spanks Lee. However, the manner in which Lee releases her aggressive impulses is less subtle: she achieves gratification and release by making intentional mistakes that force Mr. Grey to punish her.
Furthermore, the Secretary tackles the issue of guilt and those behaviors that adults engage in to avoid guilt. One of the most dramatic scenes occurs when Lee is sitting at Mr. Grey's desk, waiting for him, and urinates on herself. One of the most humiliating things for adult humans is a loss of bladder control, but Lee does this without showing any shame or triggering the defense mechanisms that would usually be associated with such an action. The scene is powerful because it shows Lee triumphing over society's expectations and engaging in the behavior that will eventually allow her to achieve her own personal happiness.

The Secretary also addresses issues of fetishism. The idea that sexuality is intimately linked to dominant and submissive behavior can be considered fetishism on its own. However, other behavior in the movie indicates further fetish-driven behavior. For example, Mr. Grey obsessively and repeatedly organizes his red markers.

However, the most important message in the Secretary is probably the most subtle message. In the Secretary, the dominant and submissive behavior is symbolic. The games in which they engage, which contain behavior that is typically associated with hostility, is actually symbolic of caring and understanding.