The Emotion of Gratitude

Gratitude and Thanksgiving Good Habits for Character Development
Introduction
Gratitude is a moral emotion of appreciation and thankfulness. It is considered a moral emotion because it promotes a social attitude and behavior that is deemed virtuous and positive both for one’s character and for one’s community (Buck). But why is gratitude deemed important? What value does it bring to the community or what development does it enable in the human character? Gratitude is obviously important enough in American society that the holiday of Thanksgiving was long ago set aside so that Americans could remember to express their gratitude for life’s blessings and to remember how it was that the Pilgrims came to survive their first harsh winter. However, as the modern world turns away from its traditions and embraces a new, more politically correct philosophy of life, can one say that gratitude still plays a part in one’s life or community? The answer is a resounding yes: for in spite of how the political climate changes from one generation to the next, gratitude is an ancient and universally accepted moral emotion that transcends present-day politics and enables one to conform oneself to a higher system of ethics than that derived from the PC platform of today. This paper will describe the features of gratitude that make it distinctive. It will also discuss the role it plays or should play in one’s life as one tries to live well and serve as a member of a moral community. It will finally describe the important moral and social implications of gratitude in our lives.
What it Means to Live Well and Why Gratitude is Unique
The idea of living well is a question that philosophers and teachers have addressed the world over for thousands of years. One ethical system that is as ancient as Aristotle and Confucius is the system of virtue ethics, in which it was taught in both the East and the West that the best way to live well was to live virtuously—i.e., in harmony with the virtues that enable one to develop one’s character. To develop virtuously one’s character was considered to be the best path towards happiness in this life.
Yet, today, the idea of living to develop one’s character is a concept that does not receive the level of attention it did in former ages. Krista Thomason, for example, argues that envy on her part is wrong “simply because it is morally wrong for me to feel” (37). In other words, it is wrong just because. That is the level of analysis that Thomason, an Assistant Professor of Philosophy at Swarthmore College, brings to a discussion of “the moral value of envy” (36). There is no discussion of the impact that behavior has on her character; character has become something that is far too subjectively discerned for anything resembling objective analysis to be conducted with respect to it. Indeed, subjective assessment is what characters the modern notion of political correctness, in which system a thing is wrong because the person with political power says it is—end of discussion.
What makes gratitude unique is that it necessitates an objective standard outside ourselves by which we can judge. If one is thankful for something there must be a reason for it. There must be something external to oneself to which a person can express thanks. Thanksgiving in and of itself is an act of demonstrating, objectively, one’s appreciation—whether it is to God, to the universe, to the past, to one’s family, to the community, or to friends. One sees the good and expresses gratitude for it.
Of course, there can still be disagreement about what is good and what is not, and even in some families or groups there may be disagreement among the members over what constitutes the good. But this does not mean that gratitude, when it is expressed, is any less real. When one perceives the good, even if one is challenged by another or the objective goodness of the thing, one can nonetheless still be gracious. Gratefulness is a show of humility, a kind of act of selflessness, in which one acknowledges that one owes a small debt of gratitude, of thanks, of appreciation, of respect to something other than oneself.
In the modern, PC world of self-righteousness, self-assertion, self-love, self-entitlement, and self-obsession, a little gratitude could go a long way to bringing communities and families back to their senses.
Thomason’s argument that people should feel envy when they see others with goods or traits that they want to possess is false from start to finish. Her argument is that the feeling of envy shows that the individual values those goods and traits that another possesses. She argues that one’s feeling of envy is appropriate because it means one does value good things and want them for oneself. One can use that feeling of envy as an impetus to develop oneself to reach goals that would allow one to obtain the goods and traits that others have.
But is this a good argument? No. It is false because when one is motivated by envy to achieve a goal, one’s motivation is inherently impure and it will taint the character of the individual who nurses it and allows it to serve as a motivation—even if the end goal—the attaining of some positive good or trait—is desirable and good in and of itself. The motive for attainment has not been good. Charity is the opposite of envy, and when one is motivated by a feeling of charity one’s entire orientation and character and disposition changes. It goes from being self-directed to being other-directed. The feeling of gratitude corresponds with the feeling of charity: it, too, is other-directed rather than self-directed. The system of virtue ethics is, in fact, all about cultivating virtues that are other-oriented. The entire concepts of community and family are ones that cannot be comprehended without being rooted in the notion of the other. The reason so many PC justifications generally fail is that they come across as self-serving and contradictory. The reason Thanksgiving is attacked by PC pundits is that it orients one towards the existence of the other in a real way, whereas in the PC world one’s orientation towards other is meant merely to be hyperbolic and self-serving: by signaling one’s virtue one makes oneself appear superior to others, right and good. There is no real gratitude in the realm of the PC; for if there were the PC universe would collapse in on itself, undone by its own lack of an inner core of objective goodness. A little gratitude lets the hot air of out the balloon that PC politicians inflate to take them places.
The Role of Gratitude in Living Well and Being a Member of a Community
Gratitude teaches one to be thankful for what one has instead of to be envious of what others have or to be angry and bitter about how life has shaken out for one (Srinivasan). As Nussbaum points out, emotions tell us about where we are—what we need, what we lack, what we do not control. Gratitude is an acknowledgement of the fact that we are not as self-sufficient as we all too often believe ourselves to be. Gratitude in its broadest sense is an expression of one’s awareness that one has not been or is not capable of self-sustainability. One owes one’s existence after all to two others—a mother and a father—and, if one wants to be spiritual about it, one can add God to that mix as well. But the fact of the matter is that no one living on Earth has ever brought himself into existence. He owes a very debt of gratitude in fact to the spirit that enabled his life to be possible.
Gratitude is a recognition within oneself of the reality of one’s dependency upon others for some good, some support, some comfort, some happiness. People tend to go about their days interacting in a limited manner with others from the community and they forget that they are all part of the same planet, the same state, the same community. Instead of seeing one another as brothers and sisters in a family that all belong, people see each other as obstacles to their own happiness, trying to avoid one another as much as possible; instead of feeling thanks for the good things one has—instead of reflecting on the blessings one has received in life, one begrudges others for some perceived slight or injury; one looks at the injustices of the world, or thinks only about some reason one has to spite another or to be jealous of another or to be unhappy. Instead of being thankful and gracious for every moment of the day that has, one nurses a million insignificant injuries and allows negative feelings to lay waste to one’s character.
Without gratitude there is no way to climb out of the pit of self-sorrow that sooner or later overcomes one and sends one into a negative emotion gutter. Gratitude is like a rope that one can use to climb out of the morass of anger and bitterness. It is like turning on a switch and altering one’s entire orientation at the drop of a hat. In some ways it is like the miracle question used in cognitive behavioral therapy when a counselor is attempting to treat a person for depression: the therapist asks the person what he would do if he woke up tomorrow and found that everything had been solved—all his problems (never mind how) had gone away and everything was fine and good. Getting the person to think in this way helps the person to reframe his orientation with the world. Instead of looking at the world through oppressed eyes or from a negative outlook he looks at everything from a positive outlook. Gratitude is essentially the emotional equivalent of the miracle question.
The role that gratitude does play in one’s life is evident any time a person says thank you or makes an act of thanksgiving or feels appreciation for what another person has done. People feel gratitude for instance when they get unexpected help from a stranger—whether it someone holding a door for one, or someone coming to one’s defense, or someone picking up the check at lunch for one, or someone pulling over on the side of the road to help after one has gotten a flat tire and does not know how to change the spare. Gratitude is the feeling that makes one feel that there is some goodness in the world, that there are bright spots out there after all, that there are some good souls still around, or that God in His goodness is still watching out over one. Gratitude rebinds one to the community in a way that is both mental and emotional; one could even say it is spiritual as well. Gratitude can rebind one to God, too, by helping one to see how big of a role God plays in sustaining things.
The role that gratitude should play in one’s life, however, goes beyond even the role that it does play. Gratitude should not be an emotion one feels every once in a while or by chance. It should be part of one’s overall attitude every day, at all hours of the day. It should be present in the manner with which one conducts oneself, in the manner with which one speaks, in the manner with which one acts towards others. Too often people appear grumpy or angry or like they want to fight. What is missing from their attitude is gratitude. Gratitude has a way of checking oneself, of checking one’s assumptions about entitlement and privilege, of reminding one of what one is and why one ought not to expect the world on a platter. Gratitude should play a much more important role in the lives of people; if it did, there would be far less violence, far less prejudice, far less hatred, far less envy, far less of the crimes motivated by greed and all the other vices that compel people to do horrid things. Gratitude is the antidote to cancel culture; it is the solution to the poison presently being consumed by the modern PC-culture of today. Gratitude humbles and makes a society gentler.
As members of a moral community, people have a duty to contribute in a positive way to that community. By helping people to be more grateful and aware of the good in the world, gratitude can also inspire people to pay the good forward that they themselves are aware of receiving from others. For instance, if someone does something nice and friendly for another person, the individual on the receiving end may feel inspired to do something nice and friendly for someone else, and that person could feel inspired to do the same. Gratitude can be like the oil that keeps communities lubed and able to continue to function without friction.
As Nussbaum argues, anger prevents one from seeing one’s neighbor as a brother or as a potential friend. It is a feeling that constrains one’s charity. Srinivasan is correct in pointing out that Nussbaum’s sense of anger is one inherited from antiquity (i.e., from Aristotle); and that anger ought not to lead to revenge because revenge cannot “undo the original harm” (129). However, Srinivasan attempts to explain how anger can be righteous—and, indeed, it can. But what is missing from the analysis of Srinivasan is that which is missing from the analysis by Thomason on envy: there is no discussion on the rightness of gratitude and how it can be used to displace feelings of anger or envy or anything else that can serve as a wedge to break people apart. Implicit in the feelings of anger and envy are assumptions that one should not make about others. For instance, one does not know the situation or circumstances that led to another’s fortune, whether it was through that person’s own hard work and application of skills or whether the good fortune was inherited or even unfairly given. Likewise, one does not know another person’s intentions or the reasons a person behaves in a manner that might make one angry. One can assume in both cases, but one is just as likely to be wrong in one’s assumptions. People should not make judgments about others, and instead should recall the aptness of the Golden Rule: treat others how you yourself would like to be treated. Gratitude puts one in the right frame of mind to enable the Golden Rule to be applied on in one’s own life on a daily basis. Anger and envy do not. They only give one reasons for why one should not be friendly towards others, why one should spite others, or why one should not think twice about stealing from others. Gratitude can prevent such injurious thoughts.
The Moral and Social Implications of Gratitude in Our Lives
Gratitude teaches us that we have to be better human beings by allowing us to see that we owe others or God something for what we have. It teaches people to look outside themselves and to be thankful. It teaches humility and foster selflessness. It facilitates the development of other virtues. Even as others attempt to justify feelings of envy or anger, one can rest easily with the emotion of gratitude knowing that no matter what others are preoccupied with nothing can touch one in terms of sullying his character. He is grateful to his core for everything he has been given and even if it were all to be taken away tomorrow he would continue to be grateful because it was good.
Gratitude helps people to build bridges, to overcome their differences, and to see one another as being part of one family or one community. It is a pro-social emotion, whereas envy or wrath tend to be anti-social. Thomason and Srinivasan can argue to the contrary, but what they are really arguing is that envy or anger can be used for some good—like driving one to do better or getting another to see where he or she has gone wrong.
Gratitude reminds people that they do not have all the tools they need to be successful. Just as the Pilgrims at the first Thanksgiving expressed gratitude to their Native American friends for helping them to survive that year, people today show their gratitude in a similar manner. They realize that they have learned from others, or that they have been able to climb the ladder because of some support from another person down below. Marcus Aurelius in his Meditations points out that he became the man he was because of influences from his mother and father, teachers and friends. In other words, he begins his famous work with an expression of gratitude.
There is nothing like gratitude to help a person develop a proper moral and social perspective. Gratitude supplies one with the appropriate moral lens for looking at all things. Say an individual cuts in line; what does gratitude do? Gratitude thanks God that the line has become longer as it helps one better to develop his patience. Say a person is robbed at gunpoint; what does gratitude do? Gratitude thanks God that one was not killed. Say a Job-like penance is given to one; what does gratitude do? Gratitude thanks God as Job did, even as his friends ridiculed and judged and condemned.
Gratitude is the proper social guide that one can turn to as well. Whenever one is unsure of how to act, gratitude is there to take one by the hand and lead him to a loftier place. One might be tempted to lash out a friend for an unkind word or for holding an opinion that one feels to be ridiculous. Gratitude admonishes one and reminds him that this is his friend who has stood by him in the past or who has entertained him with countless hours of amusement; it is better to show that friend gratitude for his friendship than to heap scorn and self-righteousness upon him and think that these coals will get him to “see” that light one wants him to see.
Conclusion
Gratitude is an emotion and attitude that one should strive to cultivate as it truly does develop one’s character in a positive manner. Surely everyone can point out times in his or her own life when he or she did something offensive to another and did not mean to cause offense. But the offended party took it personally and accused the other of doing it deliberately and of being a nasty person. Undoubtedly one did not like being accused of deliberate viciousness and felt the offended party was being unjust in the judgment. Now think about how many times one judges others in a similar manner. Judge not lest ye be judged is the ancient Christian maxim that has stood the test of time. One does not benefit from making snap judgments. One does benefit from showing gratitude at all times and in all places. One develops a reputation for being a good person.
References
Buck, Ross. "The gratitude of exchange and the gratitude of caring: A developmental-interactionist perspective of moral emotion." The psychology of gratitude (2004): 100-122.
Nussbaum, Martha. "Emotions as Judgments of Value and Importance." (2004).
Srinivasan, Amia. "The aptness of anger." Journal of Political Philosophy 26.2 (2018): 123-144.
Thomason, Krista K. "The moral value of envy." The Southern Journal of Philosophy 53.1 (2015): 36-53.